November 03, 2004
To the Loony Left: Reexamine how out of step you are with even your own party, and start playing the game. Also, take a bath.
To the Liberals and the Democrats: Figure out what's really important. Pick your fights. Stop pursuing causes that make you feel liberal, like taking away hunting rifles and making sure white men can never get a job, and start fighting for true liberalism. Fight for true personal freedom, corporate responsibility, working families, and social justice.
To the Middle: This guy you just elected? Watch his ass. Not in a Michael Moore movie, mind you. But you should keep checking under the hood. You're not going to be as happy as you think you are.
To the Right: Remember the 94 backlash? Step too far outside the bounds of decency, and you'll pay just like we did a decade ago. We still vote in this country.
To the Maniac Far Right/Christian Coalition: You guys-- Ah fuck it. There's no reasoning with you lot.
To Foreigners: You meddled like never before, and it blew up in your face. You hate us, and occasionally I see why. However, you forgot that Americans are irrationally attached to the notion of being liked, and now that you've definitively expressed that we are not, it's time to sit back and enjoy the pissy backlash. Next time you want a new President, discuss it quietly at your next Global Conference on Ending Racism, AIDS, and Jewishness.
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