May 27, 2005

God save the Queen

And the British citizens, who will soon be relegated to saying "Boo!" to ward off potential attackers. Of course, scaring muderers, rapists and other assorted thugs will probably be ruled as violating the human rights of criminals. Anyway, apparently there's a move afoot to ban long, pointy knives. WTF?! No really, WTF?!

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I love Australia

I especially heart the Australians themselves, and not just because they've been our staunchest allies, although that's certainly true. It's because when Americans look around the globe for people with kindred souls, people who cherish the same sort of freedoms that we do, we invariably find the Australians. Case in point: Pixy Misa demolishes ToiletpaperNewsweek for their, umm, anti-American slant. Yeah, I said it. No excerpts, because it's all worth reading.

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May 26, 2005

He's baaaacccckkk

And I hope that Kurt Warner makes the Pro Bowl this year. That might normally sound ridiculous in light of the fact that he'll play for the Cardinals, but Arizona has a lot of depth at wide receiver. And I somehow doubt that Dennis Green will call lots of 5-wide formations that supra-genius Mike Martz used to effectively end Warner's tenure with the Rams.

I heard lots of people last season mentioning how great Bulger looked playing for the Rams. Did anyone pay attention to how he was allowed to succeed? They ran the ball more often, and tended to leave an extra blocker in the backfield, giving Bulger time to get rid of the ball. Maybe it's me, but I think that you can be slightly more successful at QB if you're constantly being blindsided to the turf. But that's just me.

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May 25, 2005

So you want to brew some beer, do you?

At long last, I've decided to post a series on brewing beer. My hope is that others will pick up this hobby for themselves. In any event, the first technical post will follow later tonight. It will detail what equipment you'll need to get started. Post #2 will discuss the ingredients. And so on.

I had already planned to brew at least two beers within the next 30 days. What I might do is postpone those plans for a few weeks while I wade through this Brewing Your First Beer series in the hopes that a few others might become motivated enough to brew along with me. If anyone is interested, we could even plan a brew swap and have an online chat one evening to taste and discuss our beers. Just a suggestion, of course. In any event, I will brew, bottle, taste and report back on the quality. If anyone else is interested, please leave a note in the comments. My email filters are quite robust and tend to over-filter my messages.

Stay tuned: more brewing information to follow.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 03:49 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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You are guilty until proven innocent

Why? Because I f*cking say so.

John Cole links to a story that should frighten the crap out of every law-abiding citizen in this country who, because he/she wanted to protect the personal information on his/her computer by encrypting it, can be judged as more likely to be guilty based the use of said encryption software. Excerpt:

"We find that evidence of appellant's Internet use and the existence of an encryption program on his computer was at least somewhat relevant to the state's case against him," Judge R.A. Randall wrote in an opinion dated May 3.

Oh really? Please feel free to kiss my bottom, as my hind end's exterior remains unencrypted.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 03:07 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Midnight train to love

In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl. The four passengers join in conversation, which very soon turns to the erotic. Then, the young girl proposes, "If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs." The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet.

And then the girl pulls up her dress a bit to show her legs. Then she says, "If each of you gentlemen will give me $10.00, I'll show you my thighs," and men being what they are, they all pull out a ten dollar bill. The girl pulls up her dress all the way to show her legs in full.

Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off their coats.

Then the young girl says, "If you will give me $100, I will show you where I was operated on for my appendicitis."

All three fork over the money. The girl then turned to the window and points outside at a building they're passing. "See there in the distance. That's the hospital where I had it done!"

Posted by: Physics Geek at 02:00 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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A parable in the key of "F"

Received via email many years ago and I just felt like sharing:

Feeling footloose and frisky, a foolish fellow forced his father to fork over his fourth of the family farthings and flew far to a foreign field where he fast frittered his fathers fortune feasting foolishly with faithless friends. Fleeced by his fellows and folly, and facing famine he found himself a feed flinger in a filthy farm. Flushed and fairly famished he fain would have filled his frame with foraged food from farm fodder.

"My father's flunkies fair far finer." The frazzled fugitive forlornly fumbled. Frustrated and filled with forboding, he fled forthwith to his father. Falling to his father's feet he forlornly fumbled, "Father, I have flunked and frugalessly forfeited family favor." The fugitive's, faultfinding brother frowned on fickle forgiveness, but the faithful father figure filled with fidelity, cried, "The fugitive is found. What forbids further festivities. Let the flags unfurl and the fanfares flare." Father flagged a flunky who fetched a fatling from the flock and fixed a feast.

The moral of the story is: The father's forgiveness formed a foundation for the fugitive's future fortitude. Luke 15:11 - 32

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Science fiction better than a Ouija board

Robert Heinlein predicted something similar to this in Methuselah's Children. Pretty interesting idea. Of course, for it to work properly, synthetic blood will have to be created in bulk. Otherwise, the elderly will be sucking their grandchildren dry.

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Quote of the day

And it refers to Air America. Excerpt:

In addition to Franken the Air America line-up includes Randi Rhodes, a conspiracy-theorist harpy from Brooklyn with the on-air demeanor of an involuntarily retired stripper. Rhodes is the sort of erudite commentator whose afternoon excursions into political nuance are punctuated by zany sound effects and songs about bouncing boobies. When she's not telling listeners how smart and educated she is Rhodes is the sort of spellbinding broadcaster who gets words like "assert" and "insert" confused. Rhodes’ most recent contribution to civil discourse was a skit during which sound effects were used to graphically simulate the assassination of President Bush — funny, funny stuff. The good news for Randi was that this revolting segment has actually increased her average daily listening audience by about three Secret Service agents.

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May 24, 2005

Math knowledge

Two mathematicians were having dinner in a restaurant, arguing about the average mathematical knowledge of the American public. One mathematician claimed that this average was woefully inadequate, the other maintained that it was surprisingly high.

"I'll tell you what," said the cynic, "ask that waitress a simple math question. If she gets it right, I'll pick up dinner. If not, you do". He then excused himself to visit the men's room, and the other called the waitress over.

"When my friend comes back," he told her, "I'm going to ask you a question, and I want you to respond `one third x cubed.' There's twenty bucks in it for you." She agreed.

The cynic returned from the bathroom and called the waitress over. "The food was wonderful, thank you," the mathematician started. "Incidentally, do you know what the integral of x squared is?"

The waitress looked pensive; almost pained. She looked around the room, at her feet, made gurgling noises, and finally said, "Um, one third x cubed?"

So the cynic paid the check. The waitress wheeled around, walked a few paces away, looked back at the two men, and muttered under her breath, " a constant."

Posted by: Physics Geek at 05:00 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Survey says....

There was this couple that was married for 20 years, and every time they had
sex the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights. Well, after 20 years
the wife felt this was stupid. She figured she would break him out of the crazy
habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of doin it, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a dildo.

She gets completely upset. "You impotent bastard," she screamed at him, "how
could you be lying to me all of these years. You better explain yourself!" The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says, calmly, "I'll explain the dildo if you can explain our three kids."

Posted by: Physics Geek at 04:57 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Darwin was wrong

Apparently the strong and the smart don't have an evolutionary preference over the weak and abysmally stupid. If so, we wouldn't have instances of abject idiocy like this cropping up almost daily.

Update: In a related story(login:, password: lulu29), it turns out that cigarettes are really bad for your health. Excerpt:

A leap of faith proved hazardous for a smoker in need of a cigarette fix after a night on the town.

Jeff Foran suffered trauma to his nose, eyes and chin after jumping from a car traveling 55-60 mph. Authorities said he was trying to retrieve a cigarette blown out of the passenger-side window.

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May 23, 2005

Dog bites man

The Republicans, fresh-faced and spirited after their gains during the last two election cycles, decided to pork themselves in their collective asses by capitulating to the Democrats on the issue of judicial filibusters. Worse still, all of us have to live with the image of John McCain puffing himself up for the all but certain photo opportunities with Katie Couric et al.

Guys, here's a clue: when you have the votes, use them. No matter what you do to make nice with the editors at the NY Times, they will always endorse the guy/gal from the Democrat party. The leftist moonbatigentsia will still call you guys Hitler the next time you propose any legislation that they don't like. You know, stuff like cutting taxes. That sort of thing.

Oh, and even though you've managed to accomplish what I assumed no one could do( I will now donate money to the campaigns of any Democrat opposing the RINO's next year), I will offer you some advice which I know you will ignore, because you're all a bunch of pathetic, whiny, good for nothing kiss-ass dickheads: use your power now because you will be completely screwed when the Dem's retake the Senate, which by my reckoning will now be 2006. Do you know what's going to happen then? Huh? The Democrats will change the number of votes needed to break a judicial filibuster down to 51 and then nominate some moonbat like Nancy Pelosi to the Supreme Court. You think that the courts are adversarial now? Wait until all the Supremes and Appellate judges harken from the moonbat fringe of the Democrat party. Any/all freakish legislation that the left cannot pass in Congress will be imposed via the courts.

I know that some of you might be saying, "We'll stand up to the Democrats for a SCOTUS nominee!" Please. My mother didn't raise an imbecile, although she can be forgiven for thinking that I've become one; after all, I actually believed you when you said you'd fight the judicial filisbusters. My bad; I won't get fooled again. Unless or until you actually stand up for the principles that caused me to vote Republican in 2004, I will be actively supporting the campaigns for Democrats in successive election cycles. Ah, who the fuck am I kidding about the Republicans standing up to the Dem's? I might as well earmark my political contributions to the Donkey party right now.

You guys have been fabulous and all, but I think I'm tired of dicking around with you. I want to hit rock bottom as quickly as possible. And thanks to you guys, it looks like I'm gonna help make it happen.

P.S. You can still win me back, but now the onus is on you. I trust actions, not words. Pull the trigger; send all of the nominees for a vote. Force the Democrats to stage an actual filibuster, not this pussy-whipped shit that you've been letting them get away with.

Update: Hugh Hewitt, of course, expresses his pique more eloquently.

Update: TKS has a roundup of right-of-center blogs and their reactions to this cheese-eating surrender monkey decision.

Update: I feel like a fortune teller: McCain was Katie's first guest this morning.

Update: Obviously, John Cole and I disagree over the whole filibuster thing. Excerpt:

As for the filibuster bullshit, we slit our own damned throats with that. I would like an up or down vote on nominees, but I just don't have it in me to lie about the situation.

We changed the rules of the game, and then acted all shocked when the Democrats (who are in no way without sin) got pissed. We stopped the blue slips and other options once we became the majority. The Constitutional issue is nothing more than nonsense to sell the naked power grab, and that is what it was. Bush never expected for all of his judges to get confirmed- no reasonable President would.

See, here's where I think that John might not be seeing the big picture. Does he really think that the next time the Democrats hold the power in the Senate that they won't change the Senate rules to suit their purposes? After all, Robert Byrd did it in the not so distant past, reducing the number of votes for cloture from 67 down to 60.

Let's go all out in this example. Hillary becomes president in 2008 and the Dem's sweep to power in the Senate riding on her coattails. Now imagine that she nominates some left-wing ideologue who believes that it's okey-dokey to legislate from the bench. Now the Republicans decide to filisbuster this unreasonable candidate. Does John actually believe that the Democrats will spend more than a few minutes trying to find some sort of compromise to get an up-or-down vote in the Senate? I don't think so. After some public appearances decrying the Republicans' stonewalling, the Senate Democrats will change the filibuster rule so that cloture can be invoked with only 51 votes for judges. Once the judicial filibuster is broken, those same 51 Democrats will then vote en masse for whomever Hillary nominated. Count on it.

Update: Jeff Goldstein makes a succinct analysis. Excerpt:

But today, at least, it feels like a compromise in the worst sense , and I have great sympathy for all those who are beginning to question why they’ve given so much time and energy to win the party the presidency—as well as control of both the House and the Senate—only to watch their elected officials allow the minority party to control the government.

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Flying follies

A stewardess approached a gentleman who was voicing his complains rather loudly.

"Yes, Sir?"

"I want to complain about this airline. Every time I fly, I get the same seat, I can't see the in-flight movie, and there are no window blinds so I can't sleep."

"Captain, shut up and land the plane."

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Confession time

Received via email:

Sergeant: "Did you give the prisoner the third degree?"

Officer: "Yeah, we browbeat him, asking every question we could."

Sergeant: "And did you get a confession?"

Officer: "Not exactly. All he said was, 'Yes Dear,' and dozed off."

Posted by: Physics Geek at 02:13 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Quizzes for the day

Wandering around Kim du Toit's site and found some quizzes. While I agree with him about how many tests will generate a pre-ordained result, I usually enjoy taking some of them. Anyway, here's one set of results:

Your Political Profile

Overall: 90% Conservative, 10% Liberal

Social Issues: 100% Conservative, 0% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 100% Conservative, 0% Liberal

Ethics: 100% Conservative, 0% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 100% Conservative, 0% Liberal

I have a big problem with some of the questions because they were listed as either/or, with no third answer listed. Some of the questions caused me to grit my teeth before answering because I didn't really like the answer I chose, I just disliked the other one more.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 01:45 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Be afraid. Very afraid.

If the IRS had invented the quadratic formula.

Pretty amusing, but I don't it approaches the level of absurdity of the IRS.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 10:29 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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May 22, 2005

So you want to be a parent

You should consider the consequences carefully. John Cheese walks you through some things you maybe, just maybe, hadn't considered. Excerpt:

Test Yourself

If you’re thinking of having a child, you’ve obviously already pictured your happy baby, cooing and laughing happily in his happy crib inside your happy, happy home. You’ve thought of the joy it will bring when you hear his first “mommy” or “daddy” happily flopping out of his happy, smiling mouth. I’m sure you’ve even considered the unpleasantness of changing a nasty diaper, and decided that it was a necessary evil that you could live with. A happy necessary evil. But here’s an exercise that will help you get ready for the times in between these wonderful milestones.

Walk over to your stereo and flip it to AM radio. Don’t find a station. Instead, set the dial in between a station and static, so you get that high-pitched squeal, not unlike an emergency siren. Sit yourself six inches in front of your speakers and crank the volume as loud as it will go. Remain in that position for the next four hours.

While you’re doing that, pay a friend to randomly strike a match under your smoke alarm, and then vomit warm cottage cheese onto your shirt.

Did you make it through without setting your house on fire? If not, then you are not ready for a baby. Feel free to comb the rest of the site for fart and penis jokes. For those of you who did make it, congratulations. You’re one step closer to looking down the shirts of hot chicks as they bend over in front of you to fawn over your newborn.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 08:37 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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May 20, 2005

Filthy Lie

No more excuses about my failure to complete Alliance assignments. Do, or do not; there is not try. Anyway, apparently the Puppy Sipping Master of the Internet isn't taking too kindly to Arianna Huffington sticking her beak into his domain, which leads us to this week's assignment: What will Evil Glenn do about Arianna Huffington and the Huffington Post?

Top Ten Things Evil Glenn Will Do To Punish Ariannia and her Website

10) After noticing that his midsection has gotten flabby, Evil Glenn will unleash one month's worth of potential canine protein shakes on Arianna's central office where they will wreak the sort of havoc that only 3000 puppies can.

9) Mention her dismissively her on his blog: But, I confess, I find the question of what Arianna thinks less pressing than I used to.

Hack penguin porn onto her website. Then again, that might drive up the Huffington Bloat's traffic, so that's probably a non-starter.

7) Mention off-handedly that Arianna opposes gay marriage. Andrew Sullivan will immediately denounce any subsequent statement by her as "gob-smackingly vile".

6) Photoshop pictures of Arianna wearing T-shirts emblazoned with the slogan "California Condor: the other white meat."

5) Pay Howard Dean to act as publicist for her website.

4) Hire Ted Kennedy to be her chauffeur.

3) Google Bomb the phrase "Huffington Post" so that this is the website that people will find.

2) Use the forces of Darkness to raise an army of undead hobo minions to eradicate her and her website.

And the number one thing that Evil Glenn is likely to do about Arianna and the Huffington Post:

1) Ignore them because they're just not worth the effort.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 09:09 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Office wars update

I noticed a spike in my site traffic yesterday and followed the referrer link back to a forum on Delphi(login id: test13_13, password: dorkboy). The poster referred to this post of mine and mentioned that I had neglected one picture, which appears in the extended section. more...

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