September 01, 2009
August 25, 2009
My sister-in-law asked me, when I told her that I had taken ballet in college, this: Did you do it to pick up girls?
I replied with an anecdote from Monk. Adrian was showing an old home video to Natalie in which he's standing mostly behind a tree. The following dialogue ensued (paraphrased except for the last sentence):
Natalie: What are you doing there?
Monk: I'm playing Hide.
Natalie: Oh, you mean Hide and Seek.
Monk: You just don't get it, do you?
Even if I had been so inclined, my pitiful, pathetic, painfully ridiculous overtures would have been met with, at best, pity. More likely though, is the probability that I'd have been introduced to the Point and Laugh response. Again.
While I can't say that "going into physics was the biggest mistake of my life", I can safely state that going into physics was far and away the biggest girl repelling thing that I've ever done. Sure, I dig women. A lot. Sadly, I must have dug Shroedinger's Time Dependent Wave Equation more.
Don't pity me. I'm just not worth it.
Going into physics was the biggest mistake of my life. I should've declared CS. I still wouldn't have any women, but at least I'd be rolling in cash.
Well, I did meet my wife while working in CS/IT, so I think that the author has a point.
August 10, 2009
Some years back, Dennis Miller opined that when some slack-jawed redneck could have sex with Cindy Crawford from the comfort of his couch, it would make crack look like Pez. That day might not be too far off.
I know what you're thinking: pervert. But be honest and admit that the idea appeals to you, too.
April 08, 2009
Yes, I saw Mythbusters do the whole beer chilling episode. However, the geek cred for their icy brine solution is way less than the one seen here.
April 02, 2009
This isnt just a USB vibrator. This one includes 5 interchangable latex probes (wow!), has 10 unique preset pulse/vibrate rhythms (yihah!), and features a self adjustable finger ring vibrating bullet (amazing!). Heres our winner ladies and gentlemen - the Super 10 function USB powered vibrator. Crazy shit.
March 03, 2009
January 22, 2009
November 12, 2008
I'm kind of partial to the pizza one, or the waffle one. My brain is now working feverishly on the possibility of a beer-themed memory stick.
Update: Even more interesting USB designs found here. Looks like someone has already beaten me to the beer idea:
Update: And still more!
October 21, 2008
Have you ever been caught off guard when someone walks up to you and asks, "What's the square root of X?" Me, too. Usually, I can remember approximations for most square roots up through, uh, maybe I won't finish that statement. Anyway, sometimes the numbers are just too damn big or I need more digits after the decimal place than I can comfortably work out. It's times like that when you really need Newton's formula:
b represents the number for which you're seeking the square root and x is your first guess. Wanna see how it all works? Of course you do! Observe:
Let's say that you need the square root of 13 and we want to be within 0.00001 of the actual value. For simplicity, we'll make x the same as b, the number we're taking the square root of.
NewX=7, difference is 6
NewX=4.428571, difference is 2.571429
NewX=3.682028, difference is 0.746544
NewX=3.606345, difference is 0.075682
NewX=3.6055514, difference is 0.000794
NewX=3.605551, difference <0.000001
There you have it: the square root of 13 is approximately 3.605551.
I feel better already.
August 21, 2008
I still haven't tried the tennis ball key thing yet, so it's unlikely I'll go this route any time in the near future.
June 11, 2008
Turn a Roomba into a Ghost Sucking PacMan
This guy added 448 yellow LEDs to a Roomba so when it progresses forward, it gobbles up dust, dirt, and the occasional ghost and fruit too. When it starts up, it plays the PacMan intro and when it shuts off, it plays the dead PacMan noise.
May 20, 2008
Cal Tech Girl has nothing to be ashamed of because gaming girls, while rare, were a much sought commodity among us basement dwellers. For the record though, I don't quite believe Ken when he says that he knows "doodly" about D&D.
April 14, 2008
One estimate suggests that your average consumer is already exposed to about 3,000 ads per day (New York City residents see about 5,000 per day). The problem with this figure, according to the advertising industry, is that it's way too low. They intend to fix the problem by adding lots of ads to your cell phone.
However, a consensus is forming based on studies conducted by a variety of potential players that cell phone users want advertising, and lots of it.
The author essentially calls bullshit on this vapid, steaming pile of horse squeeze, so I won't bother... oh, who am I kidding? I call complete and utter bullshit on the newest "consensus".
April 08, 2008
April 03, 2008
Geeks like us spend a ridiculous amount of time browsing the Web. We get our nerd news online, we converse with like-minded individuals online, we get ideas online, we learn about new products online, and so on. We live and breathe the mighty cloud.
Though it's full of spot-on reviews, the best feature of ars technica is the daily technology news blog. Ars blends up-to-the-minute reporting with its own unique, informed blend of analysis. As far as tech news goes, Ars covers the entire spectrum; tabs along the top direct you to business IT, gaming, hardware, a new security section, and more.
Hack n Mod
When it comes to mods, hacking, and other off-the-beaten-path hardware wrangling, the Web is full of destinations. Possibly one of the finest is Hack n Mod, which is packed with tutorials and articles. The content isn't just limited to computers; a glance at the sections reveals hacks about free energy, lasers, robots, and most of the current game consoles. This is where to go for everything from LED mods to building a pneumatic pirate cannon.
Jeff Atwood keeps a blog of some of the most ridiculous, unpredictable, and hilarious programming gaffs ever. Riffing on everything from the true use of the middle mouse button to why registration keys suck, Atwood writes with wit and graceoften brimming with biting satire. This blog is a must for every coder, and anyone remotely interested in or connected to computer programming.
Okay, I'll admit this isn't as exciting as the Internet pr0n that MKH talks about on O'Reilly and there's no beautiful woman. Wait a sec, I think that I can fix that last part.
April 01, 2008
The Rolling Stones
The Grateful Dead
The Beach Boys
The Twilight Zone
Opus: quod fiere non potest
The Love Boat
The Young and the Restless
Pretium iustum est
The Price is Right
Nescio quid dicas
I don't know what you're talking about
Nemo hic adest illius nominis
There is no one here by that name
Ita erat quando hic adveni.
It was that way when I got here
I have nothing to declare
Vescere bracis meis
Eat my shorts
Noli me vocate. Ego te vocabo.
Don't call me. I'll call you.
Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione
I'm not interested in your dopey religious cult
Canis meus id comedit
My dog ate it
Die dulci freure
Have a nice day
Fac ut vivas
Get a life
Recedite, plebes! Gero rem imperialem
Stand aside, little people! I am here on official business
Utinam barbari spatioum proprium tuum invadant
May barbarians invade your personal space
Romani quidem artem amatoriam invenerunt...
You know, the Romans invented the art of love...
Utinam coniurati te in foro interficiant
May conspirators assasinate you in the hall
Magister mundi sum!
I am the master of the universe!
Unitam logica falsa tuam philosophiam totam suffodiant
May faulty logic undermine your entire philosophy
Cogito ergo sum
I think, therefore I am
Cogito ergo doleo
I think, therefore I am depressed
Senito aliquos togatos contra me conspirare
I think some people in togas are plotting against me
Nihili est - in vita priore ego imperator romanus fui
That's nothing; in a previous life I was a Roman Emperor
Aio, quantitas magna frumentorum est
Yes, that is a very large amount of corn
Perscriptio in manibus tabellariorum est
The check is in the mail
Non illigitamus carborundum
Don't let the bastards grind you down
Have you lost weight?
You haven't aged a bit!
Id tibi praebet speciem lepidissimam!
It looks great on you!
Capillamentum? Haudquaquam conieci esse!
A wig? I never would have guessed!
Braccae tuae aperiuntur
Your fly is open
Subucula tua apparet
Your slip is showing
In dentibus anticis frustum magnum spiniciae habes
You have a big piece of spinach in your front teeth
Abutebaris modo subjunctivo
You've been misusing the subjunctive
Heus, hic nos omnes in agmine sunt!
Hey, we're all in line here!
Non, mihi ignosce, credo me insequentem esse
No, excuse me, I believe I'm next
Nonne de novo eboraco venis?
You're from New York, aren't you?
Quo signo nata es?
What's your sign?
Mihi ignosce. Cum homine de cane debeo congredi
Excuse me. I've got to see a man about a dog
Viri sunt Viri.
Men are slime.
Romani quidem artem amatoriam invenerunt.
You know, the Romans invented the art of love.
O! Plus! Perge! Aio! Hui! Hem!
Oh! More! Go on! Yes! Ooh! Ummm!
Spero nos familiares mansuros.
I hope we'll still be friends.
Mellita, domi adsum.
Honey, I'm home.
Valui ad satanam in computatrum meum invocandum.
I succeeded in summoning satan into my computer.
You get paid for this crap?
I'm outta here!
Certamen Bikini-Suicidus-Disci mox coepit?
Does the Bikini-Suicide-Frisbee match start soon?
Me oportet propter praeceptum te nocere,
I'm going to have to hurt you on principle.
Tam exanimis quam tunica nehru fio.
I am as dead as the nehru jacket.
Ventis secundis, tene cursum.
Go with the flow.
Let it all hang out.!
Fac me cocleario vomere!
Gag me with a spoon!
Te audire no possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure.
I can't hear you. I have a banana in my ear.
Estne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre?
Is that a scroll in your toga, or are you just happy to see me?
Prehende uxorem meam, sis!
Take my wife, please!
Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari?
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Nihil est-in vita priore ego imperator Romanus fui.
That's nothing-in a previous life I was a Roman Emperor.
Aio, quantitas magna frumentorum est.
Yes, that is a very large amount of corn.
Recedite, plebes! Gero rem imperialem!
Stand aside plebians! I am on imperial business.
Oblitus sum perpolire clepsydras!
I forgot to polish the clocks!
Vescere bracis meis.
Eat my shorts.
Sic faciunt omnes.
Everyone is doing it.
Fac ut vivas.
Get a life.
Anulos qui animum ostendunt omnes gestemus!
Let's all wear mood rings!
Mater tua criceta fuit, et pater tuo redoluit bacarum sambucus.
Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
orbes volantes exstare
Flying saucers are real
Woof woof! Grrrr!
si hoc signum legere potes, operis boni in rebus lainis alacribus et fructuosis potiri potes!
If you can read this sign, you can get a job in the fast paced, high-paying(!) world of Latin!
balaenae nobis conservandae sunt
Save the whales!
sona si latine loqueris
Honk if you speak Latin!
ne auderis delere orbem rigidum meum!
Don't you dare erase my hard drive!
Huc accedit Zambonis
Here comes the Zamboni!
alterum ictum faciam.
I'm going to take a mulligan
Quid est illa in auqua?
What's that in the water?
Furnulum pani nolo
I don't want a toaster
Latine loqui coactus sum
I have this compulsion to speak Latin
Machina improba! Vel mihi ede potum vel mihi redde nummos meos!
You infernal machine! Give me a beverage or give me my money back!
Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam.
I have a catapult. Give me all your money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head.
Sentio aliquos togatos contra me conspirare.
I think some people in togas are plotting against me.
Noli me vocate, ego te vocabo.
Don't call me, I'll call you.
Cave ne ante ullas catapultas ambules.
If I were you, I wouldn't walk in front of any catapults.
Canis meus id comedit.
My dog ate it.
Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione.
I'm not interested in your dopey religious cult.
Re vera, potas bene.
Say, you sure are drinking alot.
Utinam logica falsa tuam philosophiam totam suffodiant!
May faulty logic undermine your entire philosophy!
Non sum pisces.
I am not a fish.
Vah! Denuone Latine loquebar? Me ineptum. Interdum modo elabitur.
Oh! Was I speaking Latin again? Silly me. Sometimes it just sort of slips out.
Non est mea culpa.
It's not my fault.
Non calor sed umor est qui nobis incommodat.
It's not the heat, it's the humidity.
Di! Ecce hora! Uxor mea me necabit!
God, look at the time! My wife will kill me!
Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt.
When catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults.
Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem.
In the good old days, children like you were left to perish on windswept crags.
Nullo metro compositum est.
It doesn't rhyme.
Non curo. Si metrum non habet, non est poema.
I don't care. If it doesn't rhyme, it isn't a poem.
Quomodo cogis comas tuas sic videri?
How do you get your hair to do that?
I am not lost.
Hocine bibo aut in eum digitos insero?
Do I drink this or stick my fingers in it?
Re vera, potas bene
Say, you sure are drinking a lot.
Illiud Latine dici non potest
You can't say that in Latin.
Solum potestis prohibere ignes silvarum.
Only you are can prevent forest fires.
Fac ut gaudeam.
Make my day.
Sola lingua bona est lingua mortua.
The only good language is a dead language.
Ad eundum quo nemo ante iit.
To boldly go where no man has gone before.
Postatem obscuri lateris nescitis.
You do not know the power of the dark side.
Clamo, clamatis, omnes clamamus pro glace lactis.
I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream.
Magnus frater spectat te...
Big Brother is watching you....
Monstra mihi pecuniam!
Show me the money!
Lege atque lacrima.
Read 'em and weep
Vacca, vacca, vacca
Cow, cow, cow.
Id est mihi, id non est tibi!
It is mine, not yours!
Read my lips...
Credo Elvem etiam vivere.
I believe Elvis lives.
Si hoc legere scis, nimium eruditionis habes.
If you can read this, you have too much education.
Si tu id aeficas, ei venient. Ager Somnia
If you build it, they will come
Cogito sumere potum alterum.
I think Ill have another drink.
Noli nothis permittere te terere.
Dont let the bastards get you down.
Duc, sequere, aut de via decede.
Lead, follow, or get out of the way.
Paucis verbis, quid est deconstructionismus?
What, in a nutshell, is deconstructionism?
More to follow. Lots more.
March 04, 2008
I Am A: Lawful Good Human /Cleric (3rd/2nd Level)
Lawful Good A lawful good character acts as a good person is expected or required to act. He combines a commitment to oppose evil with the discipline to fight relentlessly. He tells the truth, keeps his word, helps those in need, and speaks out against injustice. A lawful good character hates to see the guilty go unpunished. Lawful good is the best alignment you can be because it combines honor and compassion. However, lawful good can be a dangerous alignment because it restricts freedom and criminalizes self-interest.
Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.
Monks are versatile warriors skilled at fighting without weapons or armor. Good-aligned monks serve as protectors of the people, while evil monks make ideal spies and assassins. Though they don't cast spells, monks channel a subtle energy, called ki. This energy allows them to perform amazing feats, such as healing themselves, catching arrows in flight, and dodging blows with lightning speed. Their mundane and ki-based abilities grow with experience, granting them more power over themselves and their environment. Monks suffer unique penalties to their abilities if they wear armor, as doing so violates their rigid oath. A monk wearing armor loses their Wisdom and level based armor class bonuses, their movement speed, and their additional unarmed attacks per round.
Clerics act as intermediaries between the earthly and the divine (or infernal) worlds. A good cleric helps those in need, while an evil cleric seeks to spread his patron's vision of evil across the world. All clerics can heal wounds and bring people back from the brink of death, and powerful clerics can even raise the dead. Likewise, all clerics have authority over undead creatures, and they can turn away or even destroy these creatures. Clerics are trained in the use of simple weapons, and can use all forms of armor and shields without penalty, since armor does not interfere with the casting of divine spells. In addition to his normal complement of spells, every cleric chooses to focus on two of his deity's domains. These domains grants the cleric special powers, and give him access to spells that he might otherwise never learn. A cleric's Wisdom score should be high, since this determines the maximum spell level that he can cast.
Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus (e-mail)
Ace had the most appropriate line:
He will be remembered by many geeks of a certain age for helping making long-lasting painful celibacy seem almost hip and cool (almost), and also, sadly, for undermining Israel's ability to defend herself from her enemies.
I'm a gamer from way back. I played D&D from the original 3 paperbacks (Men and Magic being the first) before the first edition advanced rules came out. Add in my physics major and I simply had to beat the women off with sticks in college. Sure, that's how it was.
Update: Order of the Stick eulogizes Gygax in its own, unique fashion.
Link via Twenty Sided.
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