January 31, 2006

I laughed, I cried

It was better than Cats.

Note to Euroweenies: stop pissing off Emily. You know not what you do.

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Stephen Green usually makes better points when he's rambling than I do when I'm attempting to be concise. Case in point:

Look at me.* I'm pro-choice. I support gay marriage. I think porn is OK and that drugs (which aren't OK) ought to be legal. My tastes in music and movies and entertainers are a lot more New York and LA than they are Nashville or Branson.

But with the exceptions of maybe Zell Miller and Joe Lieberman, there's not a Democrat today I'd vote for without first chewing through my own forehead.

Democrats: I'm your target voter! Appeal to me! I'm sick of the Republicans already! Don't make me perform impossible physical acts! Please!

But they won't listen and, come November, I'll vote for a bunch of Republicans again. (Although I'll probably leave a bunch of choices blank.) I'll feel bad about it, of course, but I'd feel even worse if I voted for a Democrat.

And I'm their target voter. Sheesh.

And while I disagree with some of Mr. Green's position(I am not pro-choice), I agree with his analysis of the current state of the Democrat party. Someone like Joe Lieberman, who appears sane and reasonable, even though many of his positions differ from mine, has no chance of getting his party's nomination. Zero. Nada. Diddly, and squat, too. And therein lies the problem.

Back during the 2004 primary season, when Howard Dean looked like a shoo-in for the Democrat presidential nomination, Peggy Noonan implored the Democrats to nominate someone else, hoping that the Democrats could thereby save themselves from political suicide. Thankfully, Kerry received the nomination. Sure, he lost, but it wasn't the disaster that a Dean nomination would have been. Anyway, here's my hope that Democrat voters will come to their senses and kick their insane brethren to the curb. I keep hoping that they'll nominate someone for whom I could vote. Unfortunately, I don't see it happening for a long while yet. Which means that the Republicans will almost certainly get worse as a party.

To quote a certain loquacious bovine, "If you'll excuse, I'll just go out back and shoot myself."[Ed. note: I haven't read the book in almost 20 years, so this is a paraphrase.)

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This could get you killed

SOTU drinking game, v.2006. Excerpt:


# of Drinks

Every time he says....

“The state of our union is strong…” (or some version of this)



small 1




terror (however it’s pronounced)

small 1

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
2 (+1 if he pronounces it correctly)

Saddam Hussein or Saddam


"elections" 3 or more times within one minute, when referring to the Iraqi or Palestinian elections

There's more. Lots more.

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Full of hot air

Okay, it's actually hydrogen or helium, but lofting balloons with wireless repeaters for cell phone coverage, instead of traditional towers, is a pretty cool idea. Excerpt:

Extend America and Chandler, Ariz.-based Space Data Corp. are developing the technology, which is believed to be the first to use disposable balloons to provide cellular coverage.

A trial balloon will be launched in the next few weeks to test the idea, said Schafer, who left office in 2000 after eight years as governor.

"To cover every square mile of North Dakota, it would take 1,100 cell towers," Schafer said. "We can do the whole state with three balloons."

If successful, the hydrogen-filled balloons could be drifting across the stratosphere above North Dakota this summer, providing cellular coverage at a tiny fraction of the cost of building cellular towers.

Nifty idea. Cheap, too.

Update: John Cole notices something that I missed. Excerpt:

While it is interesting, I am posting this simply because it amuses me that for the first time I remember, a story refers to a trial balloon that actually is a TRIAL BALLOON.

I am easily amused.

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Send in the clowns

It appears that President Hillary! Commander in Chief has been cancelled due to low ratings.

I know why ABC created this show. It wasn't to be cutting edge, or to try something different. The purpose behind this show was to get people in this country used to seeing a female president on television for a few years before Hillary runs in 2008. Unfortunately for ABC, their caricatured description of DC(Geena Davis was an Independent, all opposition dicks were Republicans, Democrats apparently didn't exist), the show wasn't entertaining, not even the liberal dreamworld fashion of The West Wing. Commander in Chief was simply boring.

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January 30, 2006

Me, too

Via CalTechGirl comes this quiz, from which I received this result:

Your results:
You are Spider-Man

Green Lantern
The Flash
Iron Man
Wonder Woman
You are intelligent, witty,
a bit geeky and have great
power and responsibility.
Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test

So there is some common ground between UNC fans and Duke fans. Will wonders never cease?

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January 27, 2006

Visually speaking part X

See if you can guess what the image below represents.

Note: Good Popeye guess in part IX. No cigar, but a good guess nonetheless.


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January 25, 2006

Visually speaking part IX

Look at the picture below and see if you can guess what it represents. Answer is in the extended entry.

I pod.jpg

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January 24, 2006

Things to do when you're retired

Received via email:

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. I went to the store the other day. I was in there for only about 5 minutes. When I came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a senior a break?"

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi.

He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So, I called him a piece of dog sh*t.

He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket.

This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't give a damn. My car was parked around the corner. I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important at my age.

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January 20, 2006

A Filthy Lie

I hear that the Puppy Blender has teamed up with OJ to find the real hobo killers. They've been spotted driving a white Bronco around local golf course. Anyhoo, while they're busy, we at the Alliance will entertain ourselves by doing something that the LA county courts have forgotten how to do: examine Glenn Reynolds DNA. Let's get started by powering up the old electron microscope.

Hmm. Interesting( I feel like I should insert a "Heh" or "Indeed" right now). It appears that while most humans have a spiraling double-helix DNA pattern(Ted Kennedy excluded), Glenn Reynolds' pattern is bit harder to pin down. It's moving so rapidly, almost like some spinning metallic blades. Must increase magnification... Here it is! Well, as least his DNA isn't likely to rust. Let's see what else we can find by digging into the gene sequence.

Odd. I don't see the standard adenine, thymine, cytosine and guanine. This is a new sequence entirely. Let's decode:

Protosine and
Protosine again!. Is this the pattern?
Ytrosine. Weird. I've not seen this in DNA before.
Ectosine again. At least some of the bases are duplicated
Ubenosine... Cool. I think that the sequence is repeating now.

I give up. It just doesn't make any sense to me. The pattern comprising Reynolds' DNA appears to completely random and nonsensical. I leave any further investigation to the reader.

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January 19, 2006

'Nuff said

Bill Quick has had enough. Excerpt:

I no longer have many liberal friends, and I don't expect to in the future, not until they either learn some manners, or develop slightly more open minds. Nor does that situation bother me. In fact, to be honest, I no longer care about convincing them of anything, which is a fool's errand anyway . All I want to do is crush their malignant ideologies, destroy any hold they have on political power, and otherwise render them harmless enough that I can ignore them entirely, the same way I ignore the masturbatory conversations ranting lunatics have with themselves on the streets of San Francisco.

At this point I find the endless effort on the part of libertarians and conservatives to "communicate" with liberals, to "convince" liberals a bit unseemly. It smacks of masochism and a sort of "Stockholm Syndrome," as if those on the right seem to believe they need some sort of liberal validation or agreement before their own positions can be deemed "acceptable," even to themselves.

We're in charge, not them. They need to seek our agreement, not the other way around. It's time we started to act like it.

My liberal friends are still my friends, mainly due to the fact that even though they love the Kool-Aid, they agree that my preferring Coca-Cola, while incomprehensible to them, is a perfectly acceptable choice. They try and make me change brands periodically, but they know that, in my heart, I will always prefer Coke.

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Ask your doctor or pharmacist

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?

Do you suffer from shyness?

Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila. Tequila is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions.

Tequila can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Tequila almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, and you will discover many talents you never knew you had.

Stop hiding and start living, with Tequila.

Tequila may not be right for everyone.

Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Tequila.

However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include: dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

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Get your T-shirts right here!


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January 18, 2006

Technological breakthrough

If, like me, you spend a lot of time in front of your computer, it's likely that you take some of your meals there as well. Now your monitor is probably a little messy, what with flecks of food and spray from soda littering the glass. I've developed something that will automatically clean your CRT screen. Open the extended entry to see this invention. more...

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January 17, 2006

24 as it could have been

jack bauer.gif

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Visually speaking part VIII

gator aide.jpg


gator-aid.gif more...

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January 16, 2006

Belated NFL playoff predictions

Since I was away from a computer for a while, feel free to believe or not believe the following predictions for games already completed:

Tampa Bay over Washington: Gah. I knew that Tampa's defense would dominate, but I did not anticipate Washington actually being able to score points anyway. Loss.

Carolina over NY Giants: The Panthers were my preseason pick to win the NFC, so I wasn't surprised by this result. I do expect the Giants to be pretty good next year, though. Win.

New England over Jacksonville: Really, was anyone outside of Florida surprised by this result? Win.

Pittsburgh over Cincinnati: Sure, Cincy won the division. I thought that Pittsburgh was the better team. Looks like I was right this time. Win.

Indy over Pittsburgh in a squeaker: Pittsburgh played well down the stretch and the Colts struggled with some serious adversity, which is why I thought it would be close. Great game, but tell me the truth: had anyone ever heard of the "his knee was still down so it wasn't a fumble" rule before? Does anyone besides me think that the NFL entered this piece of crap into the rulebook last night to cover its ass today? It was the "tuck rule" part deux. Make up shit and then pretend it had always been there. I'm no conspiracy theorist, but something really stunk about that call. Steelers managed to win in spite of everything. Kudos to Bill Cowher for for not coaching like a pussy this year. He went for on 4th down at midfield nursing a small lead instead of wimping out and punting. It was the correct call. And now Pittsburgh heads to their 6th AFC championship game in 12 years. Sure, they've only won one so far, but there are a lot of AFC teams that would gladly trade places with them. I happen to root for one such team. Loss.

One other benefit of a Steelers' win is that John Cole came in off of the ledge on his own. Until next week, of course.

Denver over New England: Plummer finally sheds the undeserved label as a choke artist and the Broncos win their first playoff game since a guy named Elway was QB. And with Indy out of the way, Denver probably likes their chances for going to the Superbowl. Denver, by the way, was my preseason AFC champ/Superbowl champ pick. Which means that they'll probably lose next week to Pittsburgh, giving Steeler fans some redemption for last year's meltdown against the Patriots. Win.

Seattle over Washington: The better team won. And they were still the better team even without the services of Shaun Alexander. Win.

Carolina over Chicago: Two strong defenses, but only one decent offense. Bears' fans should be optimistic about next year. Win.

Playoff record so far: 6-2.

Predictions for next week: I picked Carolina and Denver before the season began, so I'll stick with them, which probably means they'll both lose. We shall see.

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January 15, 2006

We're back

Thank you for your patience. Or in some cases, not. :->

Hey, I'm entitled to a little vacation with the wife and children sometimes, and I don't own a wireless enabled laptop.

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January 04, 2006

It's coming

Battlestar Galactica returns with part 2 of season 2 this Friday. Got those TIVO/DVRs/VCRs ready?

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January 03, 2006

More yummy goodness

I've been a bit lax over the holidays keeping up with the Carnival of the Recipes. Number 70 is over at Not Exactly Rocket Science; number 71 can be found at World Famous Recipes; and Caterwauling host this week's version, number 72.

Go and get some cooking ideas to start off the New Year right.

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