April 30, 2004
What is Evil Glenn looking at in this picture?
Caption this picture.
Lots of possibilities exist. Let's take a look:
1) "Do I look sexy in this T-shirt or what?"
2) "Hey, I wonder if they have that outfit in my size?"
3) "I can hardly wait..."
4) "That is one really big dog and I'm feeling might thirsty..."
"I wonder if she's free tonight?"
Editor's note: Evil Glenn really needs to wear his glasses.
5) "A couple of scoops of vanilla ice are all I need to make this puppy float complete..."
7) "I wonder if it's too late to become a judge in the IMAO t-shirt babe contest?"
It is every beer lover's summer nightmare - stuck in the middle of a park with the sun warming your drink. Thankfully, scientists have come up with a solution: the self-cooling beer can.
Slightly longer than a normal drink can, it simply needs a twist to cool its content down. It can, its inventors claim, cool a beer to the perfect temperature of 3C within three minutes.
The I C (Instant Cool) Can works by using water evaporation. The top half is surrounded by a layer of watery gel. The base contains a water-absorbing material in a vacuum, and a special heat-absorbing chamber.
When the bottom is twisted, a seal between the two halves is broken. The vacuum draws the gel, and the heat, into the base. The gel is absorbed by the material, the heat is absorbed by the chamber - and the drink gets cold.
Science the way it was meant to be used.
April 29, 2004
While Blogger gave me a place to start, I have been feeling like I have outgrown its capacity and have been offered space to move on.
Please come to visit me at
MY NEW HOME
MY NEW HOME
If you are not able to access the site, please email me.
The Spice Girls Application Form
How would you best describe yourself?
( ) An energetic self-starter
( ) A team player
( ) A tasty, albeit untalented, bit of crumpet
Do you have any detectable vestige of talent, besides your tits?
Would it bother you to be the target of unrelenting hatred?
"I am willing to trade sexual favours for a career in the music
( )Yes ( )No
How many times have you been kicked out of a karaoke bar?
Does nudity bother you? If so, give three excuses for your
Explain the difficulties in identifying the source of individual
free will in light of the deterministic theories of neurochemical
medicine and modern behavioralist psychology. Just kidding!!
Seriously, do you like leather mini-skirts?
( )Yes ( )No
Are you deceptively attractive in coloured or stroboscopic light?
( )Yes ( )No
Choose an appropriate nickname:
Sexy, Nasty, Sweetie, Syphilis, Lardy, Sickly, Sporty, Slappy.
Choose an appropriate image:
( ) Cute, blonde, appeals to pedophiles
( ) Tub of lard
( ) Bloke. In a tracksuit.
( ) Vacant stare, no discernible brain activity
( ) Terrifying to small children and old men
( ) All of the above
Do you promise to make one album and then go away forever?
( )Yes ( )No
If two trains leave Liverpool an hour apart at 90 kilometers, and
75 kilometers an hour, respectively, how would you look in a
If required as part of your contract, would you be willing to
help alleviate Prince Charles's loneliness?
( )Yes ( )No
In space provided, tell us why you want, why you really, really,
want this job.
Castle Argghhh! Fighting Fusileers for Freedom! $18497.39
The Victory Coalition $17567.44
Liberty Alliance $9004
Grand total: $45068.83
The 50k mark is right around the corner. Give until it hurts. And I gave one final time last night after my tax refund arrived. I couldn't think of a better thing to spend it on.
April 28, 2004
Milan Kundera's novel The Joke traces the fortunes and amours of a young student, Ludvik, after his exasperatingly earnest girlfriend decides to show the authorities a postcard he had written to her as a joke: "Optimism is the opium of the people! A healthy atmosphere stinks of stupidity! Long live Trotsky!"
As a result of this whimsy, Ludvik finds himself expelled from the Communist Party and the university and is eventually conscripted to work in the mines for several years. Among other things, Kundera dramatizes the dynamics of political correctness. He is especially good at portraying one of its signal features, humorlessness. One of the points of The Joke is that totalitarian societies cannot abide a joke; humor is anathema; political correctness is a kind of geiger counter that registers deviations from the norm of earnestness. Any deviation is suspect, any humorous deviation is culpable.
The allergy to humor that is integral to political correctness is one reason the art of parody has suffered in recent years. Then, too, a parodist, to be successful, must be able to count on his audience's ability to distinguish clearly between the parody and the reality being spoofed. The triumph of political correctness has long since blurred that distinction. Whose ideological antennae are sensitive enough to register accurately the shifting claims of victimhood and entitlement? A mayoral aide in Washington, dc, uses the word "niggardly" in conversation with a black colleague; the colleague takes offense because he thinks "niggardly" is racist; the aide promptly offers his resignation, which is accepted. True? Or parodic exaggeration? True, all too true.
Item: A school board in San Francisco seeks to require that 70 percent of school reading be books by "authors of color." One board member explained: "Mark Twain's Huckleberry Finn, for instance, has a bias against African-Americans. And Chaucer's Canterbury Tales, while a great work, has an economic bias. It characterizes people based on their class."
Item: A mid-level executive at a large bank is overheard wishing a colleague "Merry Christmas." Her superior takes her aside and gravely tells her that such language might be construed as offensive and warns her against indulging in such public displays of religious sentiment.
Item: A doctor I know at Good Samaritan Hospital outside Chicago writes a letter to the hospital's "Cultural Diversity Team." He points out that their Diwali Festival celebrating Hindu culture neglected to mention the appalling abuse of women that is a prominent feature of that culture. A firestorm erupts. The president of the medical staff informs the letter writer that "many individuals reading your words . . . have found them disturbing, insulting, and ... elitist" and warns further that "continued correspondence in the same vein . . . will be viewed as harassment and contributing to a hostile workplace environment." In other words, cut it out or get out--which is not, incidentally, a bad characterization of the PC understanding of dialogue.
On an even more ominous front we have the activities of the European Union, that bastion of political correctness, whose tax-exempt ministers are appointed, not elected, who seem to be accountable only to themselves, who meet in secret and issue binding diktats that affect the daily lives of people all over Europe. It is nice work if you can get it.
Read the whole thing.
Breakout the telescope and some beer: it's time for a party!
Reading science fiction cause global warming! Drinking a Slurpee causes global warming! Why not? It looks like everything causes global warming now.
Patient, heal thyself!
Obese children "face the prospect of coronary disease". No shit.
New H2O light: dryer than your regular water. Makes as much sense as what this "study" purports to prove. Funny how it contradicts decades of other research into the matter.
Does this sweater make me look fat?
Maybe people with pet slugs are next. Really folks, I already have a mother and a wife. I don't need a nanny and neither do my pets.
Screw these assholes. The Republicans gained control of the state legislature for the first time since the Reconstruction and them immediately emulate the tactics that got their opponents ousted. Good going, buttwipes. You've lost a voter in this state for the forseeable future.
What in the Hell is wrong with the world today? And I'm not making a snide remark about the current political culture in the US. I'm talking about headlines such as this one:12-year-old boy charged in girl's slaying.
Good news. And it's about time. I'll be watching the tests very closely.
So we-the readers- are to blame for your hiring/employing a lazy, no-talent hack? Guess again.
Are the Dem's suffering from buyer's remorse over John Kerry? Hugh Hewitt takes a look:
Dems know he's a loser. But can anything be done?
Who knows? Don't bother looking up the rules governing nominations. There were rules in Florida, and the Florida Supreme Court tore those up when Gore needed help. There were rules in New Jersey, but when Torricelli flamed, the New Jersey Supreme Court tossed those aside. There were rules in California, and three judges ordered a halt to the recall that only went forward because the luck of an en banc draw brought sanity to the review panel.
No, the rules won't stop Kerry's recall. Only Teddy can, and the weight of the senior senator from Massachusetts shouldn't be underestimated. The Kerry campaign is his last hurrah, and the convention's in Boston, for goodness sake. What kind of a reception would follow a party that tossed Kerry onto the tracks?
Jonah Goldberg, over at the Corner, on John Kerry:
SIX REASONS THE KERRY STORY'S GOOD FOR BUSH
Matt Yglesias writes about the Kerry Medal flap: "The real mystery in all this, if you ask me, is why Republicans persist in raising an issue that can't help but make their man look bad when the Bush and Kerry military records are contrasted."
First, I don't buy the desperate line that solely "Republicans" are raising this issue. The LA Times, Charlie Gibson and Tim Russert do not a vast right wing conspiracy make. Second, I'm mystified as to why he's mystified. Here are few plausible theories why some Republicans might think this is a good story for Bush:
1. Candidates only get one theme ascribed to them. For Gore it was "he exaggerates and lies to make himself look good" or something like that. It wasn't always fair, but it was no more unfair than the "Bush is stupid and ignorant" theme. For Kerry it's increasingly looking like his one theme is "can't take a stand on anything" or "can't be straightforward." This "I threw the medals away if by medals you mean the ribbons because I would never throw away the medals because they are too important to me even though I never saw a difference between the medals and the ribbons and I would have thrown away the medals if I had the medals with me even though that's not what I used to say or what I will be saying tomorrow" thing only reinforces this negative identification.
2. People already have made up their minds about Bush and his National Guard service. Indeed, he's a known quality in general. So while rage may still burn bright at the American Prospect over Bush' National Guard stint, most Americans stopped caring a while ago. However, people are only now being introduced to Kerry and what they're seeing is a caricature of stiff, pompous Senator.
3. As I try to point out in my column today (not up yet), Kerry has a particular problem with Vietnam. Unlike say John McCain, Kerry has two completely contradictory Vietnam narratives and he wants to brag about both and not be criticized on either. Lots of politicians have tried to have it both ways on Vietnam. But wants to get credit for fighting in a war which he says was criminal and a mistake and he wants credit for denouncing that war as criminal too. Meanwhile, lots of Vietnam vets and other pro-military types think the real Kerry is the one who came home from war, not the one who went to war. I think, given Kerry's record as a politician, that is the only logical position and the more people who realize that, the worse it is for Kerry.
4. Kerry looks like an arrogant shmuck when he's defensive. Any time the GOP or anybody else can get under his skin, the better it is for Bush. Particularly if it involves any kind of contradiction or inconsistency on Kerry's part because the guy looks like such an idiot when he insists that A and Not A are both simultaneously true.
5. During a war the Americans still support, it's always good (for the GOP) to have footage of the Democratic nominee calling American troops -- of any era -- war criminals.
6. And this one's a bit of a stretch. There are still people in this country who think the anti-war Kerry was right and the pro-war Kerry was telling the truth when he called Americans war-criminals. To see Kerry back-pedal on that doesn't only reinforce the image that he wants to have it every which-way, it might actually turn off the pugnacious doves in the Democratic electorate. I like to call these people "Nader voters."
Â© 2000 Barry Bell
Nay I say, neigh.
I graze, meander the field.
Retire to India, Promised Land.
Holy cow, fish eaters.
Well, swish my tail Charlie!
Got to fly, chew my cud.
Warm rear - sunny breeze?
Lay down, no tipping please.
Be here until we go home.
A request for a raise in salary
I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge head first into everything I do.
I do not get weekends off or public holidays.
I work in a damp environment.
I don't get paid overtime.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious disease.
Thank you for considering my request.
- - - -
Dear Mr. Penis,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety rules, such as wearing the correct protective gear.
It's doubtful you'll work until the normal retirement age of 65.
You're unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the workplace carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.
And now one directly related to my favorite hobby:
Ale's Well That Ends Well
Copyright 2001 W. Bruce Cameron http://www.wbrucecameron.com/
Believing that maybe it would help my relationship with my 12-year-old
son if we had a common hobby, I bought him a beer-making kit. My wife
seemed to think that the situation called for female incredulity.
"You got your son a BEER-making kit?" she demands. "Are you out of
"Hey, you were the one who said we needed to do more things together,"
I point out.
"So you picked drinking beer," she scoffs.
"Of course not. He'll only make it. I'LL be the one drinking it," I
respond. I hold my hands up in a representation of harmonious
balance in the universe.
She fixes me with a scorching look that I recognize from early in our
marriage, when I tried to train her to bring me snacks during football
games, but I will not be deterred. "It's very scientific," I declare.
My son is even less enthusiastic. "It smells bad; you DRINK this
stuff?" he sniffs, stirring the batch of malt and hops.
"Yes, but not until there is alcohol in it," I explain with fatherly
"Alcohol is a by-product of fermentation," he quotes, looking through
the little handbook. He squints at me. "You'll be drinking yeast pee."
"Real men don't read directions," I advise.
When we're finished, my home brew sits tightly sealed in a plastic
keg. "This is the pressure valve," I lecture my son. "The yeast builds
up carbon dioxide, which escapes out the valve; otherwise there would
be an explosion that would level houses in a four-block area."
I'm hoping this will excite him, but he's been reading the manual
again. "Carbon dioxide is another waste by-product," he intones.
"In other words, yeast farts."
For three days, the mixture sits implacably inside the plastic vessel,
as exciting as a bucket of paint. Concerned, I sneak in a little more
sugar to get the yeast motivated. "You're not supposed to do that,
Dad," my son warns.
The next day, the yeast have suddenly sprung to life, bubbling and
hissing as they busily produce waste products. Impatient, I pull on
the little tap, pouring an ounce of muddy liquid into a glass and taking
"Does it taste like beer?" my son asks anxiously.
"Maybe beer that's already been through somebody," I respond ruefully.
That night my son prods me awake. "Dad, the beer is calling you."
My wife gives me a frown, as this is exactly the excuse I give her
whenever I meet my buddies at the sports bar. "What do you mean?"
I ask him.
He shrugs. "You sort of need to come hear it. It's making noises."
My wife puts her hand on my arm. "Could it be dangerous?" she inquires
I laugh. "Of course not. How could beer be dangerous? Beer Is Our
I follow my son out into the kitchen and, at his urging, put my ear to
the plastic keg. He's right: There is some sort of creaking noise
emitting from the seams around the edge of the thing. Through the
thick, dark plastic, I can see that the yeast has rioted, filling the vessel
"Maybe you put in too much sugar," he worries. "Should I start calling
people in a four-block area?"
"Nonsense. More sugar just means a higher alcohol content. How could
that be bad?" But his question has drawn my attention to the filter,
which should be allowing yeast farts to escape. Instead, it looks
locked in place, a little button that should be bobbing up and down.
I reach out a finger.
"Dad " my son starts to say.
The moment I pry at the valve it fires straight up like a bullet, the
little button gone in an instant. The entire contents of the keg follow half
a second later, a thick spray of foam coating everything in the
kitchen. I don't even have time to blink and it is over, except that a
steady rain of gooey sludge comes down on my head from the ceiling.
Tilting my jaw, I'm able to catch a few drops in my mouth. My wife
bursts into the kitchen and stares at me, shocked.
"Not bad," I tell her, licking my lips.
1) Iraq killed the Frenchman who discovered the recipe for soap.
2) Of course I'm kidding! That Frenchman hasn't been born yet.
3) Because the French draw blood from potential parents and then cross-match the DNA. That information is used to prevent such a child from being born.
4) Kidding again! We all know that the leeches contaminate the blood samples.
5) Or does the French blood contaminate the leech? I'm confused.
6) Iraq funded Cop Rock.
7) And Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman.
Saddam was responsible for New Coke- the bastard.
Okay folks, we're down to the wire here. More than 33k has been raised so far. All the constant sniping and backbiting has really paid off. But it's time to give some more. Give until it hurts. Don't buy that soda pop today. Skip that grab bag of Doritos. Forgo that overpriced coffee from Starbucks. Give all of that money you're pissing down the drain to a worthy cause. You'll be glad that you did.
Today is Wictory Wednesday. Every Wednesday I ask my readers to volunteer and/or donate to the Bush campaign if they haven't done so already. And if you have volunteered and donated, then get a friend to join you. It's the only way to defeat the lying liberal media.
If you're a blogger, you can join Wictory Wednesday simply by putting up a post like this every Wednesday, asking your readers to volunteer and/or donate to the president's re-election campaign. Be sure to visit these fine participating blogs:
April 27, 2004
The Washington Post has been doing a series on the Red State/Blue State divide. Yesterday they profiled the "typical" Red State voter, described by writer David Finkel as a huntin', grits-eatin', church-goin' quasi-bigot redneck whose "truck is a Chevy. His beer is Bud Light. His savior is Jesus Christ." The entire piece was a tribute to East Coast snobbery and stereotyping.
This morning came the typical Blue Stater. Would it be a homosexual couple in San Fran's Castro District? A single, black mom in Harlem?
No, it's a straight, white, blue-collar, never-divorced Catholic couple with two happy, straight adult children...and who don't even drink. Oh, yeah, this is Deep Blue heart of the Kerry coalition.
If these are the hard-core liberal voters, yesterday's Red Stater should have been a pot-smoking agnostic Republican living in subsidized housing.
It's not the first time, either. Just as scientists "admitted privately" the models don't work, so have prestigious environmental journalists told me privately they are concerned about Nature's handling of global warming stories, both in terms of increasingly shoddy reviews and timing clearly designed to influence policy. No one has forgotten that in 1996 Nature featured a paper, right before the most important U.N. conference leading to the Kyoto protocol, "proving" models forecasting disastrous warming were right. The paper was subsequently found to have used data selectively to generate its dire result.
Note to Nature: Even journalists, normally your friends on global warming, are getting suspicious.
April 26, 2004
For once I agree with some Democrats:
Senate Republicans this week will launch a series of hearings to promote the value of traditional marriage, a move some Democrats are calling an election year ploy that is none of Congress' business.
Stayed tuned for anything else that politicians might think is none of their business. Don't hold your breath, though.
Watch out! She might lose an eye! Oops, too late.
It's crap like this that makes people contemptuous of law enforement officers. Apparently Common Sense isn't dead; it's a myth.
Today's forecast: continued light, followed by increasing darkness until nightfall. It will then stay dark all night. Hey, it's the only forecast that Russians will want to give in the future.
Leave it to Maxine Waters to provide the best WTF?! comment from this past weekend. Via KLJ at the Corner:
There were a good number of "Say What" moments at the March this weekend. Some of the most telling were at the pre-rally the night before, filled with music and ranting aimed at modern-day bra-burner wannabe college students and their nostalgic feminist mothers. One of the most bizarre though, came from Maxine Waters. After sending a civil message to the president (George W Bush, go to hell! And while you're at it, we want you to take Ashcroft with you. And don't forget Rumsfeld. And please carry along Condi Rice."), Waters told the rallied, "I have to march because my mother could not have an abortion."
What a freaking idiot.
Jonah Goldberg just linked to a site that clearly shows how pumped the Dem's are to vote for Kerry this fall: John Kerry is douchebag but I'm voting for him anyway.
Update: Mickey Kaus says the site is a fraud.
I don't know if anyone will be able to do this, but I'm going to post it anyway. A friend of mine in Austin, Texas has Scleroderma and she is running her annual fund raiser again right now.
What is Scleroderma, you ask? Here's a basic description from the Scleroderma Foundation website:
Scleroderma, or systemic sclerosis, is a chronic connective tissue disease generally classified as one of the autoimmune rheumatic diseases.If you would like to help Heather out, she has a webpage on the foundation site which offers the capacity to sponsor by credit card. If that interests you, or you know someone who can help, click HERE.
The word scleroderma comes from two Greek words: sclero meaning hard, and derma meaning skin. Hardening of the skin is one of the most visible manifestations of the disease. The disease has been called progressive systemic sclerosis, but the use of that term has been discouraged since it has been found that scleroderma is not necessarily progressive. The disease may take several forms which will be explained later. There is also much variability among patients.
Scleroderma is a disease whose symptoms may be visible, as is the case when the skin is affected, or the symptoms may be invisible, as when internal organs are affected.
Just so you know, I get none of this money. This is not a scam. And, Heather is a wonderful, beautiful and delightful person to be around (who flew from Texas to Florida to be at our wedding, no less). I'm sad that she has to deal with this, but she has a huge amount of supportive family and friends to help her out. This is an attempt to do just that. Help if you can, but good thoughts and a prayer or two couldn't hurt either.
WHY DO I REFER TO JOHN KERRY AS THE POODLE?
His hairdresser also grooms poodles.
He's a rich woman's pet.
That pretty much cover's it.
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