Julian Sanchez links to what you'd assume is an April 1 gag column. You'd be wrong, however. In short: a girl gets slipped a date rape drug, comes to in the gutter and calls her "friend" from the hospital. Apparently something good was on TV because this "person" didn't bother to go to the hospital. Something about the bounds of acceptable friendship. Anyway, I'll let Julian respond:

Friendship? Jesus, thatÂ’s the minimum IÂ’d do for someone I barely knew in a situation like that. Hell, itÂ’s the minimum IÂ’d do for someone whoÂ’d taken some drugs on purpose in an attack of poor judgment. ItÂ’s what any remotely decent, adequately socialized person would do. How on earth could you hire someone to whom this isnÂ’t just gobsmackingly obvious to write an advice column about friendship?

James Joyner, from whom I found this story, makes the following comment:

My grad school buddy Wayne, a retired Green Beret, says that men make what he terms Bozeman, Montana friends. We may move across the country and fail to keep in touch but, if we were to get a phone call in the middle of the night from one of them after not hearing from them for three years saying, “I’m in jail in Bozeman, Montana and need you to wire me $2000,” our only question would be about how to get him the funds and we’d be on the phone to Western Union two minutes later.

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I'm used to Glenn Reynolds' understated way of commenting on news items. Therefore I was a bit surprised by his response to something Megan McArdle said:

“You would think we’d busted him for unpaid parking tickets. The guy drugged a thirteen year old girl in order to rape her. Perhaps the French have some sophisticated, European point of view on these things that I, with my puritan ancestry, simply cannot rise to.”

Or they could just be miserable shitheels.

To quote a puppy blending monster: Heh.

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I've more or less ignored the preening of self-righteous prick CJ, proprietor in chief of Little Green Moonbats these last couple of years. I'd actually forgotten that his demented little blog was still over in my sidebar; I'm terrible about updating links. Well, I've finally decided to move CJ into the dustbin, as he's decided to make himself an historical footnote, a blogging cul de sac, a veritable echo chamber in which he stands waist deep in his own poo while claiming to be the Lord Ruler of the blogiverse.

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You know what to do.

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Leanna Elizalde has had two surgeries for cancer. Also, she's undergone weeks of radiation treatment to help her, you know, live. Consequently, and understandably, she's fallen a bit behind in her studies and needs to take one more English class during summer school to earn her high school diploma. However, she'd like to walk with her classmates/friends during graduation ceremonies. No big deal, right? After all, a lot of colleges do that. My alma mater, VCU, would allow students within a certain- small- number of credits to participate in graduation ceremonies. Although no degree or diploma is awarded until completion of the remaining coursework, students got to enjoy wearing the cap and gown and just generally having a good time. Apparently, the dickheads at Leanna's high school just can't bring themselves to allow such a thing. I'd certainly understand the school's position if Leanna was simply a lazy student who had fallen behind due to lack of effort. But right now it looks like the school is punishing her for the inconvenience of not dying.

Elizalde's doctor, UC Davis Professor of Clinical Surgery, Robert Canter has written to the school to ask them to reconsider their decision, saying, "I strongly believe that (Leanna) should be allowed to participate in her graduation ceremony, and I think that refusal to do so would be construed as a punitive action unbefitting a pediatric cancer patient."

I guess that it's a good thing Leanna's doctor isn't an officious prick like the school principal or she might not even be in the news right now.

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Kathy Shaidle is being sued. When I first heard, I assumed that someone had taken a swing at her, she had retaliated and the stupid douche was now eating through a straw.

-Hey, I would not want to mess with her. She's not called Five Feet of Fury for nothing-

As it turns out, some fucknozzle called Richard "I'm a Butt Plug" Warman is trying to squeeze money out of, as well as shut down, his critics. I guess it's tough to be Dick. People are just so mean to him. Of course, since he's a loser, scum-sucking parasite douchebag ufcknozzle, he should generally expect criticism. Not our Richard, though. Ezra Levant has more on our pathetically thin-skinned asswipe:

It’s not the first threat I’ve received from him; back in December, when I mentioned him in passing in a National Post Op-Ed, Warman fired off another threatening letter to me. You’ve got to read it. I mean, really — it included the complaint that I dared to call him “anti-racist”, rather than anti-racist. That’s right: the fact that I used quotation marks around those words was one of the reasons he was threatening to sue the National Post and me.

If that was Warman’s most petty complaint, his most ironic complaint was that I called him a censor who abused the legal system, and that if I didn’t immediately censor myself with a retraction and apology, he’d hit me with a lawsuit. That blissful lack of self-awareness would be cute if it wasn’t accompanied by a threat – sort of like when Warman encouraged some young rowdies to “take the piss out of… people who are so pompous and so full of themselves” by assaulting them with a cream pie. It was unsettling to watch a lawyer conspire in the commission of an assault.

Wow. So all it takes are the use of quotation marks to hurts this "asshole's" feeling? Okay, "Richard", let me clear: when I call "you" a useless "douchebag", a "piece" of used "toilet paper", "a" scummy "pussbucket" not "worth" lancing, I "mean it" in only the "best" possible sense.

As it "turns out", Dicky is suing several people in addition to Kathy Shaidle:

• Ezra Levant (famous for his stirring YouTube video of his confrontation with the Canadian Human Rights tribunal after he published the “Mohammed Cartoons”)
  
• FreeDominion.ca (CanadaÂ’s answer to FreeRepublic.com)
  
• Kate McMillan of SmallDeadAnimals.com
  
• Jonathan Kay of the National Post daily newspaper and its in-house blog
  
• and me, Kathy Shaidle of FiveFeetOfFury.com
  

Kathy, Kate, Ezra, Jonathan and FreeDominion.ca need your help. Please contribute to their legal defense fund. Kathy has a PayPal button for you to use.

I've long extolled the virtues of bloggers in general. When Lileks, Dean Esmay,Jeff Goldstein and recently Andrea Harris had financial difficulties or needs, people chipped in what they could to help keep the wolves away from the door. This is potentially even more important. Please give, if you can. If you cannot give anything, at least link to Kathy's post.

Update: Kim du Toit found a picture of our winner of Littlest Dick of the Year Award.

Update: I should have mentioned that I found out about Kathy Shaidle's problem via Rachel Lucas. Whoops. Anyway, consider that oversight corrected.

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Bill Quick posts something to which I can only add the Puppy Blender's favorite comment: Heh.

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The lovely and talented Mary Katharine Ham links to a collection of gigantic assholes ostensibly trying to help people stop smoking, but only end up looking like gigantic assholes. As I've said before, I hate smoking. The smell disgusts me and the smoke burns my throat and makes my eyes water. Also, I haven't really enjoyed watching friends and relatives suffer from cancer and emphysema. However, this is supposedly a free society and people can make their own choices about whether or not they want to smoke. I post a link every year for the Great American Smokeout to nudge people who might want to quit because I think that it could prove helpful to some people. You know what I don't think is helpful? Crap like this:

Feel free to politely complain to the ASHoles.

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Well, I'm down to 190 spam comments to clean up. About 2-3 more painful sessions and I'll be back to a clean blog. Except for the crap that I write, of course. I've got a potty keyboard.

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I've just spent a few minutes cleaning up 60 spam comments. I have 600+ still to go. Ugh. However, since I seem to have stemmed the flow of new ones, I'll slowly clean up this pile of pigshit that the spammers have left behind. In any event, I'm glad that comments are open once again. Talk at all of you soon.

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I've received over 300 spam comments within the last 4 days. Add in the 400+ that I've already got backlogged and I may never get out from under. God, I hope Pixy Misa gets the big bloggers moved soon. I've shut down comments on my new posts, but all the older ones are getting crushed. I'd shut down all comments if I could, but apparently I can't. Maybe I can refuse to accept comments on posts older than 5 days or something. Either that or I'll randomly brain people on the street. After all, they're probably in cahoots with those magic picture people.

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McQ links to this story which I believe is a great example of the strong armed tactics we'll be likely to endure as a country if we allow ourselves to be disarmed. I'll leave you with McQ's closing thoughts:

They came into the home of American citizens, took their child (5+ weeks old and nursing) into state custody and placed it in foster care. Why? Because the parents, due to their religious beliefs, objected to a test the state had mandated. The child's health wasn't in danger, he didn't need any medical treatment, in fact he is quite healthy. But the state felt that its priorities and decisions overruled those of the parents and drew the child's blood over the parents strenuous objections. Chilling.

Keeping that in mind, imagine, if you will, what powers the state will be left to exercise if it eventually is placed charge of every aspect of your health care.

And there exists a sizeable chunk of people in this country who think that what we need more of is more and bigger government. I'd call them stupid, except that I'd be insulting stupid people.

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I swear to god, if I ever get my hands on the motherf*cker who has been spamming my comments, I will rip out his eyes and shit on his brain. I just deleted around 100 and found out that I've just dipped my toe into the "Great site! Agree with everything you say!" bullshit.

Hey, here's a thought: since you agree with everything I say, I say that you should go stick your head in a blender.

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A maximum sentence of three years for setting an 8 week old kitten on fire and laughing while it shrieked in agony?

A three-month-old kitten is fighting for his life after allegedly being set afire by two teenage girls last week.

The male shorthaired kitten, named Adam, received second- and third-degree burns over 75 percent of its body and was being treated at the Animal Hospital in Cotati, located in Northern California's Sonoma County, officials said.

The kitten has undergone two surgeries and had its tail and the tips of its ears amputated.

Two girls have been charged with cruelty to animals in connection with the case. They were arrested last Friday after allegedly pouring flammable liquid on the cat, only 8 weeks old at the time and setting it on fire.

A boy and his friend said they saw the smoke and heard the cat shrieking while the girls laughed.

The girls are being held in Sonoma County's Juvenile Hall. The maximum penalty carried by the charges against them is three years of confinement.

I dunno. The punishment doesn't seem to fit the crime. I've been thinking and come up with a few alternative punishments which I think would be better:

• Paint them with honey and stake them out on an anthill. Sure, it's been done to death, but that doesn't make it any less effective.
  
• Have a cage with a Tasmanian Devil tied to their midsection, with the cage open against their flesh. If they survive the devil's method of escape, they're free to go.
  
• Use a paper cutter to remove their fingers, one millimeter at a time. When does the punishment stop? Like the kittens, as soon as someone hears the screams and comes looking, we'll stop. Unfortunately for the girls, we'll be on one of the more remote Bikini atolls. But hey, you never know.
  

I'm sure that lots of turds will come out of the woodwork saying that their lives have been hard. Not as hard as the kitten's, I'll wager. To anyone who wants to try and defend these girls, please be advised that you should go fuck yourself.

Update: Apparently this happened last month and the kitten is doing well. Here's more:

Adam is 12 weeks old now and doing well, said Wright. The cost of his care and medical attention at the shelter would normally cost between $20,000 and $30,000, she said. Anybody interested in contributing to the costs of caring for Adam can go to the animal hospital in the 500 block of E. Cotati Avenue in Cotati or call 707-792-0200.

A vet is doing the multiple skin graft pro bono, which is kind of cool. Give if you're interested.

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If you haven't noticed, it appears that Jeff Goldstein will be taking an extended blogging sabbatical. Apparently, the bugfuck crazy bag lady cyberstalker is still screwing with him and his family and friends. Sure, the wheels of justice turn slowly, but perhaps no one would mind that much if the wheels bring a wraparound jacket and a padded cage. And a net; a big frigging net.

He's received lots of well wishes (and hopefully tips, you stingy bastards) from folks, which is to be expected since Jeff is a decent guy doing his best to protect his family. Anyway, he posted a followup today. Here's an excerpt:

Once IÂ’ve cleared my head and completed this latest round of legal maneuvering, IÂ’ll be back.

Hopefully some of you will stick around. But if not, I understand, and I thank you for supporting this site.

One day, the armadillo will dance.

We'll be here. Take care, Mr. Goldstein.

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Some evil people opened fired at Virginia Tech, killing 32 people at last count. A couple of people I work with have children currently at that school. One person, who I will admit to not knowing well, just found out that his son didn't survive the attack.

I don't have the stomach for my usual brand of snark right now. My fervent hope is that the persons responsible for the massacre are currently, or will be soon, sucking the barbed cock of Satan.

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Every time that I've convinced myself that France cannot sink any lower in my esteem, the cheese eating crapweasels rise to the challenge. Case in point:

A street in a Paris suburb has been named in honor of Mumia Abu-Jamal, who was convicted of the 1981 murder of a Philadelphia police officer.

"In France, they see him as a towering figure," said Suzanne Ross, co-chair of the Free Mumia Coalition of New York City, who was part of an April 29 ceremony to dedicate the Rue Mumia Abu-Jamal in the city of St. Denis.

Ross said the street is in the town's Human Rights district, which includes Nelson Mandela Stadium.

So the French don't look with disdain upon all Americans. Apparently they have a fever in their hearts for cop killers.

France is going the way of the dodo within the next 50-100 years, I believe, due in large part to their socialist society coupled to an insane immigration plan that's eating the country from the inside out. I, for one, will not shed too many tears. And hey, I won't mind calling pom frittes french fries anymore.

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Some assembly required.

I shouldn't read stories like this one. All that they do is raise my blood pressure to dangerous levels.

Update: Ace weighs in as well.

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Un-fuckingly believable. Please tell me that they have death by tying down to an anthill where this piece of shit lives.

The sooner this fucker dies, the better.

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I've got your honor killing right here, assholes.

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