June 30, 2004

Wictory Wednesday

1) "Many of you are well enough off that ... the tax cuts may have helped you," Sen. Clinton said. "We're saying that for America to get back on track, we're probably going to cut that short and not give it to you. We're going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good."

2) The Kerry campaign cozying up to Michael Moore.

The two reasons listed above are sufficient to dump Kerry like a steaming pile of dog poop. I had hoped after Dean collapsed that the Democrats would pull back from the abyss of idiocy and attempt to act more reasonable. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that the party as a whole would take a running start and then swandive into the pit. God help us all if Kerry wins the presidency because the nutjobs that have hijacked the Democrats will be running the country, and that's enough to give anyone night sweats.

Today is Wictory Wednesday. Every Wednesday I ask my readers to volunteer and/or donate to the Bush campaign if they haven't done so already. And if you have volunteered and donated, then get a friend to join you. It's the only way to defeat the lying liberal media.

If you're a blogger, you can join Wictory Wednesday simply by putting up a post like this every Wednesday, asking your readers to volunteer and/or donate to the president's re-election campaign. Be sure to visit these fine participating blogs:

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Do I know her?

I'm not certain, but her face rings a bell.

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What is wrong with people?

Maybe we can get an elephant to "babysit" the asswipe in this news story. I don't think that 12 years in prison suffices for his crime, but that's just me.

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New ads

I've added some ads to the sidebar. One is for Steve's new book, "Eat What You Want and Die Like A Man." Number two is for the website All About Cats. It contains all sorts of trinkets and doodads for cat lovers. It also has a Devine Feline photo contest each month, with the winner getting a $10 gift certificate to be used for the next web purchase. Think cat blogging with a capitalistic twist.

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Stale PGH assignment

And moldy, too. Ever check your draft folder and realize that you DIDN'T publish something you thought you had? No? Okay then, it's just me. In any event, here's a month old PGH assignment: What are some possible signs that the anti-war crowd is getting REALLY desperate?

This assignment is bound to bring out either the snark or the beast in me. Maybe both. In any event, let's get down to business with my late assignment:

1) In an attempt to drum up more money for their cause, the wacko left has created an infomercial on cable television touting Michael Moore's Weight Loss Strategy. Act now and receive the free gift: Beauty Secrets of Helen Thomas.

2) Joe Isuzu hired as spokesperson for Moveon.org

3) The People's Republic of Berkeley passes a resolution to secede from the United States. Motion is rescinded when it's discovered that the rest of the country thought they already had.

4) Hippies mount a stuffed chimp to a wooden board as a symbol of their opposition to President Bush. A small ruckus ensues when the board turns out to be Al Gore.

5) Hippies drive around Iraq using bullhorns to broadcast the following message:

"There are no terrorists here! These people are our friends. The American people support the efforts of the so-called insurgents. As proof, we offer the number of members in our organization:

65 and still growing!"

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Precision guided humor assignment

I'm back from vacation and ready to write crappy attempts at humorperform my Alliance duties. Here is this week's assignment: What excuses will Air America come up with to explain their poor performance?

Well, let's begin by looking at their shows and hosts:

1) The O'Franken Factor- Oh, I get it! It's a play on the O'Reilley Factor. Funny! Too bad the show isn't. When you've styled yourself as the liberal Rush Limbaugh, you ought to pay attention to what makes him so popular: humor and insight. Screeching "Bushitler!" while flinging feces at your microphone probably isn't the way to build an audience. I'm just sayin' is all. And hosted by Al(ice) Franken and Katherine Lanpher. Wow. You can just smell the charisma coming off of them in waves.. Oh wait, that isn't charisma I smell.

2) The Majority Report- Pffttttt! Crap, there goes my soda. The title implies that the majority of Americans are wacko leftwing nutjobs. Or maybe it just means most of Hollywood. Okay, they have a point. Anyway, it's hosted by Janeane Garofalo and Sam Seder. Confession time: I think Janeane is cute. Now don't barf on me. My (slight) infatuation goes back to her days on the Larry Sanders show. She was funny and hot. Hey, I like my women with curves. And maybe she's ugly compared to Uma Thurman, but so what? Lots of women are by that standard. She even struck me as pretty bright over the years. Too bad she's got the Kool-Aid IV working these days. Anyway, Air America has apparently teamed her up with Orville Redenbacher. Give the leftists credit: it takes talent to find someone that makes Garofalo look like a heavyweight by comparison.

3) The Randi Rhodes Show- Here's the description: Randi brings her own brand of provocative and infectiously humorous talk to Air America Radio.

She's infectious like a flesh-eating bacteria. This shrieking harpy makes me want to jam a meat thermometer in my ear and pound it in with a sledgehammer.

Okay, I have to quit now: my breakfast is attempting to swim upstream. On to the excuses:

- Al Franken exudes such raw animal magnetism that others feel inferior just listening to him. To prevent this from happening, people don't listen to his show. Or any of the others.

- The average listener doesn't have the intellectul depth to handle the subtle difference between "Bush=HItler" and "Bush is Hitler".

- Evil conservatives are burning down all radio stations that want to carry Air America. I have "vivid and painful memories of Air America radio stations being burned in my own state when I was a child"...

- "It's not poor perfomance; it's different performance. Who's to say that an Arbitron rating of 10.0 is better than one of 0.00000000000000000000000001?"

- The nasty Republicans are going to disrupt my daughter's wedding! Whoops, wrong paranoid fantasy. My bad.

- We haven't sacrificed enough goats on the altar in our Hillary shrine.


Well, that sucked. Anyway, homework is done.

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June 29, 2004

Aw, for crying out loud!

So Kelley has called it quits. F**k! Another of my favorite bloggers goes down for the count. Hopefully she'll get back off of the mat someday. In any event, stop by and give her your best wishes.

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Apparently I'm a good friend to have.
So I've got that goin' for me

Found the quiz results below interesting. Hat tip to Leeann.

You are Form 8, Demon: The Destroyer.

"And The Demon took advantage of the chaos
and seized civillization. With grace and
style, Demon slit The Goddess's belly and
drowned the world in her blood. The Goddess,
The Demon, and the world were no

Some examples of the Demon Form are Seth (Egyptian)
and The Horsemen of the Apocalypse (Christian).
The Demon is associated with the concept of
destruction, the number 8, and the element of
His sign is the full moon.

As a member of Form 8, you are a very strong willed
individual. You don't let others' opinions
sway your own and you're usually not afraid to
speak your mind. However, some may see you as
a bit overly passionate but it's just because
you never back down from your values. No
matter what, you always do everything with
style. Demons are the best friends to have
because they will back you up.

Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

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Embrace the Penguin

Check out this article over at Linux Today. Excerpt:

After getting up early and scoping out the Net for new and interesting stories to post, I ran across several articles detailing a new form of malware that supposedly hides in Web site graphics, and will download a package to a computer running IE, without the user even knowing it. No one is sure what this package will do; it could be spyware doing keystroke logging, or could be a way to turn an infected computer into an unwitting spam generator. Time, unfortunately, will tell.

Now, after reading this, I was not terribly concerned, since the one Windows machine in the house runs Netscape, and this lovely new piece of malware affacts only those unfortunate running Internet Explorer. But, when my wife came in to say goodbye before she went to work, I said this to her:

"If you surf at work today, you may want to rethink it. There's a new virus hiding out in images out on the Web."

"On which sites?," my intelligent spouse asked.

"They don't know yet, or they're not saying," her not-so-intelligent husband replied.

And as we were having this exchange, I realized that this tiny little conversation had to be the most insane thing I said or will say today. It boiled down to: there's a virus out there that will hit your IE-running computers and you won't know where or when it hits.

Now, to be fair, later today I learned that this immediate threat had been thwarted, because they managed to shut down the Russian server all this malware was sending information to. The malware is still out there, still infecting IE-running PCs, except now it's effectively rendered toothless. Not by a patch or a fix from Microsoft, understand.

And, after all of this, that's when it dawned on me: Internet Explorer must die.

Not be fixed. Not be patched. Be dead, as in no one in their right mind should use it anymore.

This is a piece of software--a closed source, and therefore supposedly (ha!) more secure piece of software, mind you--that is constantly having innumerable flaws exposed and taken advantage of. In the recent past, it was download this, and you're doomed. Open this, and you're in trouble.

Now, it's: open any page on a Web site running a Microsoft Internet Information Server, and you potentially could be infected.

Read this again: By opening a page. With pictures.

I say that this sort of irreponsibility must be stopped and stopped now. The public must be made aware that while Microsoft is certainly not responsible for the behavior of crackers behaving the way they do, they are certainly responsible for creating such a fertile field for them to play in.

Read the whole thing.

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It's that time again...

Yes! I'm talking about bashing France, our national pastime. Lyrics to a Weird Al song, Genius In France, have been posted here. I'm reposting it in its entirety here because, well, see for yourself:

Genius In France
by Al Yankovic


I'm not the brightest crayon in the box
Everyone says I'm dumber than a bag of rocks
I barely even know how to put on my own pants
But I'm a genius in France (yeah), genius in France, genius in France

Hoom chaka laka
Hoom chaka laka
Hoom chaka

I may not be the sharpest hunk of cheese
I got a negative number on my SATs
I'm not good looking and I don't know how to dance
But nevertheless and in spite of the evidence I am still widely considered to be
A genius in France, a genius in France, a genius in France

People say I'm a geek, a moronic little freak
An annoying pipsqueak with an unfortunate physique
If I was any dumber, they'd have to water me twice a week

But when the Mademoiselles see me, they all swoon and shriek
They dig my mystique, they say I'm c'est magnifique
When I'm in Par-ee, I'm the chic-est of the chic

They love my body odor and my bad toupee
They love my stripey shirt and my stupid beret
And when I'm sipping on a Perrier
In some cafe town in St. Tropez

It's hard to keep the fans at bay
They say, "Sign my poodle, s'il vous plait"
"Sign my poodle, s'il vous plait"

Hemenene humenene
himenene homenene
Poodle... poodle...

Folks in my hometown think I'm a fool
Got too much chlorine in my gene pool

A few peas short of a casserole
A few buttons missing on my remote control
A few fries short of a happy meal
I couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel

Instructions on the heel
Instructions on the heel

But when I'm in Provence, I get free croissants
Yeah, I'm the guy every French lady wants
And if you ask 'em why, you're bound to get this response
(He's a genius in France! Genius in France!)

That's right
(He's a genius in France, genius in France)
You know it
(He's a genius in France, genius in France, genius in France)

I'm not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree
But the folks in France, they don't seem to agree
They say, "Bonjour, Monsieur would you take ze picture with me?"

I say, "Oui, oui"
That's right, I say, "Oui, oui"
"Oui, oui"
He says, "Oui, oui"

I'm dumber than a box of hair
But those Frenchies don't seem to care
Don't know why, mon frere
But they love me there

I'm a genius in France
Yeah, I'm a genius in France

Gonna make a big splash when I show up in Cannes
Gonna make those Frenchies scream
"You ze man! You ze man! You ze man!"

Like a fine Renoir (waa), I've got that je ne c'est quoi (quoi!)
Like a fine Renoir (ooh la la), I've got that je ne c'est ...
Quoi quoi quoi quoi quoi, oo-we-oo
Quoi quoi quoi quoi quoi, oo-we-oo

Bow diddy bow di bow di bow bow diddy
Bow diddy bow di bow di bow bow diddy


I'm a taco short of a combo plate
But by some twist of fate, all the Frogs think I'm great
Oh, the men all faint and the women scream
They like me more than heavy cream

When I'm in Versailles, I'm a popular guy
My oh my, I'm as French as apple pie (apple pie)
They think I'm awfully witty, a riot and a half
When I tell a stupid joke, they laugh (haw haw haw haw haw)
And laugh (haw haw haw haw haw haw)

People in France have lots of attitude
They're snotty and rude, they like disgusting food
But when they see me, they just come unglued
They think that I am one happening dude

Bowm ba ba bowm ba bowm ba bowm
I'm about as sharp as a bowling ball
But they like me better than Charles de Gaulle

Entre nous, it's very true
The room temperature's higher than my IQ
But they love me more than Gerard Depardieu
How did this happen; I don't have a clue

Well, I'm not the quickest tractor on the farm
I don't have any skills or grace or charm
And most people look at me like I'm all covered with ants
But I'm a genius in France (yeah), genius in France, genius in France

And I'm never goin' back, I'm never goin' back
I'm never never never never goin' back home again
I'm tearin' up my return flight ticket
Gonna tell the folks back here where they can stick it

'Cause I'm never goin' back
I'm never goin' back
I'm never goin' back

The girls back home never gave me a chance
But I sho' 'nuff got them Frogs in some kinda trance
And I'm aware that it's a most improbable circumstance
But "Great Googily Moogily!", I'm a genius in France

Every Frenchie that I meet
Just can't wait to kiss my feet
Get in line, pucker up! Tout Suite!

Bowm diddy bowm diddy bowm diddy

I'm gettin' even more famous by the hour
I'm stuffed with pastries and drunk with power
Now they're puttin' up my statue by the Eiffel Tower

A little more to the left, boys, a little more to the left
A little more to the left, boys, a little more to the left

I'm the biggest dork there is alive
My mom picked out my clothes for me 'till I was 35
And I forgot to mention
I'm not even welcome at the Star Trek convention

But the Frenchies think

That my poop don't stink
I'm a genius in France

Say, would you pass the Grey Poupon?
Merci beaucoup

Oh, and check out the lyrics to Bob as well. It's a song consisting entirely of palindromes. Very cool. Both links via Jay Nordlinger.

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Hyprocisy, thy name be Michael Moore

So Michael Moore, the bloated pustule disguised as a movie director, claims to be registered as an Independent. Oh really? It muist be the new leftist definition of Independent: registered to vote in 2 separate states. Hat tip to Neal Boortz.

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June 28, 2004

Mini linky love

While I was on vacation, I had a dream that I was in Hell. Today, awake at work, I realize that my dream was better than today. In any event, here's some linky goodness to get things up and running at the Physics Geek again. More to follow. Someday.

Someone is dissecting The Big Blowhard's latest crockumentary, lie by lie. Great idea. I'd do it myself but I can't force myself to spend money on a ticket.

So no doctor would ever "assist" in someone's death without their consent. Oh really?

Vox offers a history lesson to some of today's public school graduates. Okay, mostly the leftist kind.

John Hawkins describes liberal foreign policy in a nut(ball)shell.

Annika posts a headline that ESPN is sure to steal. Not.

It's teenagers such as this one that give me hope for the future. Link via Jen Speaks via Annika.

The Puppy Blender expounds on hypocrisy from the Left. And yes, I know that's a redundant statement.

Begging to Differ analyzes Extreme Bullshit Farenheit 9/11 and links to reactions from others around the Internet. My favorite was from Andrew Sullivan: "I'd address the arguments, if there were any."

Spoons is apparently unhappy about the recent flap over Jew-munition in the freaking US House of Representatives. Excerpt:

Let me get this straight. We're so goddamn sensitive and solicitous of the Nazi sentiment that pervades that Arab world that we're now supposed to ask the goddamn terrorist cocksuckers which mutherfucking bullets they prefer to be shot with so we don't hurt their fucking feelings?

Jesus Fucking Christ!
Neil Abercrombie (D - HI)
Curt Weldon (R -PA)
You bastards are on my fucking list.

Don't hold back, dude. Tell us how you really feel. Heh.

Harvey posts some interesting links, including a recipe for a Harvey. The last ingredient is, umm, interesting. Here are a couple of variations for me:

How to make a Physics Geek

3 parts competetiveness

5 parts brilliance

3 parts leadership
Stir together in a glass tumbler with a salted rim. Serve with a slice of curiosity and a pinch of salt. Yum!

How to make a Matthew

5 parts pride

5 parts humour

5 parts empathy
Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Serve with a slice of curiosity and a pinch of salt. Yum!

Gag. I like this one better:

How to make a matthew

1 part anger

5 parts silliness

1 part ego
Stir together in a glass tumbler with a salted rim. Top it off with a sprinkle of curiosity and enjoy!

However, I did like the different results from the Warning Label quiz:

Physics Geek is poisonous! Induce vomitting if ingested.


From Go-Quiz.com


Matthew is radioactive. Wear protective clothing at all times.


From Go-Quiz.com

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Words of wisdom

Moxie has provided me with the best laugh that I've had so far today. Excerpt:

It should not surprise you that the French manicure involves painting blinding white polish on the outer edge of your nails.

You know -- just in case you have to surrender at a bar. And don’t have a white flag or a pair of panties to wave like the nutsack-less pussy you are.

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New to the blogroll

Looks like the apple didn't fall far from the tree: the du Toit daughter has her own blog called Tragically Normal. Good reading and a nifty site design. Go check it out. Thanks to our fearless leader for linking to it.

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TQM Questionnaire

If you're easily offended, don't read this!


God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order
to better serve your needs, God asks that you take a few moments to
answer the following questions.

Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely
confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address
unless you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions.

1. How did you find out about God?

__ Newspaper
__ Other Book
__ Television
__ Divine Inspiration
__ Word of mouth
__ Near Death Experience
__ Tabloid
__ Burning Shrubbery
__ Bible
__ Torah
__ Other(specify): _____________

2. Which model God did you acquire?

__ Yahweh
__ Father, Son & Holy Ghost Triplet
__ Jehovah
__ Jesus
__ Allah
__ Satan
__ God
__ None of the above, I was taken in by a false god

3. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all parts in good working order
and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes?

__ Yes __ No
If no, please describe the problems you initially encountered here:


4. What factors were relevent in your decision to acquire a god?
Please check all that apply.

__ Indoctrinated by parents
__ Needed a reason to live
__ Indoctrinated by society
__ Needed focus in who to despise
__ Imaginary friend grew up
__ Hate to think for myself
__ Wanted to meet girls/boys
__ Fear of death
__ Wanted to piss off parents
__ Needed a day away from work
__ Desperate need for certainty
__ Like Organ Music
__ Need to feel Morally Superior
__ My shrubbery caught fire and told me to do it

5. Have you ever worshipped a God before? If so, which false god
were you fooled by? Please check all that apply.

__ Odin
__ Cthulhu
__ Zeus
__ The Almighty Dollar
__ Apollo
__ Left Wing Liberalism
__ Ra
__ Barney T.B.P.D.
__ The great Spirit
__ The Great Pumpkin
__ The Sun
__ The Christian Coalition
__ The Moon
__ A burning cabbage
__ The Bomb
__ Other: ________________

6. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to
God? Please check all that apply.

__ Tarot
__ Lottery
__ Astrology
__ Television
__ Fortune cookies
__ Ann Landers
__ Psychic Friends Network
__ Dianetics
__ Palmistry
__ Playboy and/or Playgirl
__ Self-help books
__ Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll
__ Biorythms
__ Bill Clinton
__ Tea Leaves
__ EST
__ Mantras
__ Pat Robertson
__ Crystals
__ Human Sacrifice
__ Pyramids
__ Wandering around a desert
__ Insurance policies
__ Burning Shrubbery
__ Barney T.B.P.D.
__ Other:__________________
__ Barney Fife
__ None

7. God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve
the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. Which would you
prefer (circle one)?

a. More Divine Intervention
b. Less Divine Intervention
c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right
d. Don't know ... what's Divine Intervention?

8. God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and
miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 - 5 his handling of the
following (1=unsatisfactory, 5=excellent):

a. Disasters
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5

b. Miracles
1 2 3 4 5
spontaneous remissions
1 2 3 4 5
stars hovering over towns
1 2 3 4 5
crying statues
1 2 3 4 5
water changing to wine
1 2 3 4 5
walking on water (other than
the Hudson)
1 2 3 4 5
talking flaming shrubbery
1 2 3 4 5
VCRs that set their own clocks
1 2 3 4 5
Saddam Hussein still alive
1 2 3 4 5
Cubs winning the Series
1 2 3 4 5
Clinton's re-election
1 2 3 4 5

9. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving
the quality of God's services? (Attach an additional sheet if


Thank you!

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June 18, 2004

Happy blogday to me...

And so it's been one year. Hard to believe. Anyway, I'm celebrating by going on vacation, driving to Missouri to visit a friend. See y'all when I get back.

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June 17, 2004


I mean really: OUCH! Scroll down to the headline "GOP ARTILLERY AIMS AT KERRY'S ECONOMIC PESSIMISM" and start reading. Excerpt:

"My message to Senator Kerry is this, since you have been away from the Senate, missing hundreds of important votes, the economy has taken off and hundreds of thousands of new jobs have been created. While you have been campaigning, America has gone back to work. Maybe you should too."

-Rep. Candice Miller (R-MI)

I disagree with this comment in one respect. Check out this snippet:

"...since you have been away from the Senate...the economy has taken off and hundreds of thousands of new jobs have been created. "

Seems to me that the best place for Kerry to be is away from DC.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 05:56 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Too bad this nutball didn't receive the Democrat presidential nomination

So Howard Dean says, well, let's hear it from him:

Howard Dean said the scream speech "never happened," and that its repetition more than 900 times in the following week showed cable "at its worst" and revealed cable news as a "Murdochized" entertainment medium, not journalism.

Uh Howard? You might want to up the dosage. I'm just saying. For the record, I was piddling around on my blog with the TV on in the background that evening when Dean made his foray into political oblivion. When he started screeching, "We're going to ", I was chuckling a bit. And then came the YEEEAARRGGHH! sound, which actually startled me. Not because it sounded manical(okay, it did a little), but rather because this was a nationally televised speech. It's one thing when you're feeding red meat to both of your supporters in private, quite another to act like a raving looney when the whole world is watching. I wondered if I was the only one that felt that way. Turns out that I wasn't.

Hat tip to Jeff.

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So long, farting dog. We barely knew ye.

Actually, the tooting pup has been around for 20 years. For some reason, people no longer think the logo is "trendy". Whatever.

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Because we can. It's the best answer I can come up with. Excerpt:

AN Indian bank, which operates what it bills as the world's highest ATM in the fareastern state of Sikkim, is hoping the cash dispenser will ring in business once a trade route to China is reopened.

The automatic teller machine, set up at an altitude of 13,200 feet (4023m) along the winding route that links the Tibetan capital Lhasa to Sikkim's capital Gangtok, has been installed by UTI Bank with the help of US-based NCR Corp, which made the special machine.

"This is a technological feat," said UTI vice president Jayanta Chatterjee of the ATM which runs on a generator when its fuel is not frozen by temperatures that plummet below -20 degrees Celsius.

Not your average hiking trail.

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