June 26, 2007

A sign the Apocalyps is nigh

Via Ace comes this story which, all reason and logic to the contrary, is true: the Spice Girls are reuniting.

Girls, let me clue you in on something: you were a group whose success depended almost entirely on the short skirts and tight tops you wore. Sure, you could sing a little bit, but let's face it: your legs and tits were what made you popular. Now that your a bit more mature, shall we say, those parts of your anatomy have probably loosened up a bit.

Quick aside: Ms. Halliwell's parts looked great uncovered. In fact, I almost bought a Spice Girls album in appreciation. Almost.

In any event, it's time to bring this old joke back out of retirement: The Spice Girls Application Form.


The Spice Girls Application Form

Name:

Age:

Real Age:

- How would you best describe yourself?
( ) An energetic self-starter
( ) A team player
( ) A tasty, albeit untalented, bit of crumpet

- Do you have any detectable vestige of talent, besides your tits?

- Would it bother you to be the target of unrelenting hatred?

- "I am willing to trade sexual favours for a career in the music industry."
( ) Yes ( ) No

- How many times have you been kicked out of a karaoke bar?

- Does nudity bother you? If so, give three excuses for your portfolio.

- Explain the difficulties in identifying the source of individual free will in light of the deterministic theories of neurochemical medicine and modern behavioralist psychology... Just kidding!! Seriously, do you like leather mini-skirts?
( ) Yes ( ) No

- Are you deceptively attractive in coloured or stroboscopic light?
( ) Yes ( ) No

- Choose an appropriate nickname:
Sexy, Nasty, Sweetie, Syphilis, Lardy, Sickly, Sporty, Slappy.

- Choose an appropriate image:
( ) Cute, blonde, appeals to pedophiles
( ) Tub of lard
( ) Bloke. In a tracksuit.
( ) Vacant stare, no discernible brain activity
( ) Terrifying to small children and old men
( ) All of the above

- Do you promise to make one album and then go away forever?
( ) Yes ( ) No

- If two trains leave Liverpool an hour apart at 90 kilometers, and 75 kilometers an hour, respectively, how would you look in a bikini?

- If required as part of your contract, would you be willing to help alleviate Prince Charles's loneliness?
( ) Yes ( ) No

- In space provided, tell us why you want, why you really, really, want this job.

I've got an idea for a Spice Girls pay per view event that's sure to bring in lots of money: strip them all naked and have them wrestle in a vat of Jello, while simultaneously forcing them to do lots of tequila body shots off of the more interesting portions of their exposed anatomy. Now that would be spicy.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 07:44 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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