Just because Harvey really liked these, I'm posting some more just like 'em:

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but
don't start anything."

Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony
wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The
other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve
food in here."

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A
beer please, and one for the road."

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste
funny to you?"

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green, Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's Not Unusual."

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look
at either.

Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is
there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up
and examines his eyes. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy."

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find
any.

I went to the butcher's the other day to bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't
reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor,
doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in
the craft, it sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

Posted by: Physics Geek at 02:35 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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