May 22, 2005
If youre thinking of having a child, youve obviously already pictured your happy baby, cooing and laughing happily in his happy crib inside your happy, happy home. Youve thought of the joy it will bring when you hear his first mommy or daddy happily flopping out of his happy, smiling mouth. Im sure youve even considered the unpleasantness of changing a nasty diaper, and decided that it was a necessary evil that you could live with. A happy necessary evil. But heres an exercise that will help you get ready for the times in between these wonderful milestones.
Walk over to your stereo and flip it to AM radio. Dont find a station. Instead, set the dial in between a station and static, so you get that high-pitched squeal, not unlike an emergency siren. Sit yourself six inches in front of your speakers and crank the volume as loud as it will go. Remain in that position for the next four hours.
While youre doing that, pay a friend to randomly strike a match under your smoke alarm, and then vomit warm cottage cheese onto your shirt.
Did you make it through without setting your house on fire? If not, then you are not ready for a baby. Feel free to comb the rest of the site for fart and penis jokes. For those of you who did make it, congratulations. Youre one step closer to looking down the shirts of hot chicks as they bend over in front of you to fawn over your newborn.
Posted by: Harvey at May 22, 2005 11:16 AM (ubhj8)
Posted by: Sally at May 23, 2005 06:50 AM (J+MjX)
Posted by: physics geek at May 23, 2005 09:43 AM (Xvrs7)
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