April 13, 2005

PGH Assigment

This week's assignment is a doozy in that it requires us to take a peek inside Al Gore's brain and discover, amongst all the dust-gathering copies of Earth In The Balance, the following: What programming will appear on Al Gore's cable network, "Current"?

Sure, Gore's promised to stike out a bold and separate course from the one chosen by the Titanic Air America, but let's face it: that's about as likely to be true as any of his 2000 campaign press statements. Anyway, I've managed to grab a draft copy of the upcoming network's programs. Here's a sneak peek:

6:00a.m.-8:00a.m: Wake Up With Al Gore! promises to be an exciting way to start the day, with the former Vice-President reading Moveon.org's latest press release, discussing his latest inventions or proclaiming Bill Clinton the greatest president in history. Gore's comedic timing, expressive face and sense of humor will awaken you like no coffee in history!

8:00a.m.-noon: The Morning Bile w/Howard Dean and Janeane Garofalo will be must-see TV, as the two take on topics generating buzz, such as "President Bush: Hitler or Uber-Stupid Hitler?", "Republicans Are More Evil Than Satan and Must Die!" and "Fairer Taxes, or Everyone Pays More Except for Politicians and Actors". You won't want to miss a second of this; get that TIVO set today!

Noon-3:00p.m.: Join Alex Baldwin as he regales everyone with amusing anecdotes and clever jokes during I'm Moving To Canada When You F**king Make Me". Laugh until your sides ache as he describes stoning your political opponents to death! It'll be the best after lunch pick-me-up since crack cocaine.

3:00p.m.-6:00p.m: While others are driving home, enjoy your afternoon watching Sen. Ted Kennedy in The Traffic Safety Report, where he gives all the advice you need to cover your political ass get home without drowning safely. Pay close attention to the traffic reports; watch for news of bridge closings, rising water and campaign staffers, all which can cause you trouble.

6:00p.m.-midnight: The Streisand Show stars our very own Funny Girl offering advice on how to become better stewards of the environment.
Warning: the electrical interference from her house creates a blackout area within 20 miles of Barbara's home. Please ride your bicycles to a position outside the affected area to watch.

Midnight-6:00a.m.: Join us for Movie Time, where you will be treated to the best cinema Hollywood has to offer, such as The Day After Tomorrow, Fahrenheit 9/11 and OutFoxed. It doesn't matter when you watch; you can't lose!

Posted by: Physics Geek at 08:11 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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1 LOL! I just love those sunny, upbeat descriptions, and this: "President Bush: Hitler or Uber-Stupid Hitler?" made me blow coffee :-)

Posted by: Harvey at April 14, 2005 06:15 PM (tJfh1)

2 Someone asked me if I thought my description of Fat Teddy was overly harsh. I told him that I had understated my case. Had to make it more upbeat that Err America. I watched the HBO special and it was thoroughly depressing. I'm not certain how those people manage to drag themselves out of bed in the morning.

Posted by: physics geek at April 14, 2005 09:13 PM (Xvrs7)

3 Why can't cons be funny? At least lefties have humor. There are plenty of ways to make good Gore jokes but this "programming schedule" is boring, reuses old and discredited urgan legends (such as I invented the Internet) moreover completely misses the point: Gore is not on air on Current, he is the chairman. Come up with something better.

Posted by: jumbo at October 10, 2005 05:56 PM (CWeGC)

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