Received via email this morning. I have no idea where they came from.

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Top Ten John Kerry Excuses

10. Voters were in a fever-induced haze because they couldn't get flu shots.

9. Floridians confused by shockingly unconfusing ballots.

8. Maybe it wasn't best idea to begin speeches with "yo mama is so fat" jokes.

7. The endorsement from Osama Bin Laden didn't exactly help him.

6. "Dude--it's the Curse of the Bambino."

5. Should've campaigned more in New Mexico, less in regular Mexico.

4. Turns out voters think it's hot that Cheney has a lesbian daughter.

3. Thought America was ready for a lunatic first lady.

2. Voters seem to really like a weak economy and a badly-run war.

1. Was distracted by late night erotic phone calls from Bill O'Reilly.
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Top Ten Punchlines To Dirty Election Jokes

10. "With a poll like that, I'm suprised he can gallup at all."

9. "She starts chanting, 'four more minutes! four more minutes!'"

8. "That's not the voting lever, but don't stop pulling."

7. "This isn't how it looks--I'm just joining a third party."

6. I prefer Bush, but I don't know who I'll vote for."

5. "So that's where Katherine Harris was hiding the Al Gore votes."

4. "Unfortunately, his margin of error was plus or minus three inches."

3. "Get used to it, honey--we live in a swing state."

2. "I thought you had trouble maintaining an election."

1. "I saw your sister with Mary Cheney--there was no sign of Dick."

Update: Just heard that list #1 is from Letterman.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 06:23 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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