November 29, 2004

Developing "scandal"

Czechs were offered two beers if they donated blood. I don't see the problem. Every time I give, I'm instructed to drink more fluids. Anyway, since the article is likely to roll off of the front page soon, I'm including the whole thing here:

Czechs Offered 'Beer for Blood'
Czechs were offered two beers in return for their blood in an effort to recruit blood and bone marrow donors. Anyone donating blood as part of the "beer for blood" campaign in Prague in October received two half-liter glasses of beer in return.

"The objective is to recruit new regular blood donors and also bone tissue donors," the initiative's organizer, Jaroslav Novak, editor of a Czech beer magazine, told AFP.

The campaign was held as part of a fair dedicated to St. Wenceslas at the Vystaviste exhibition ground in the north of the city. It will travel to other parts of the country.

The Czechs are the world's largest per-capita consumers of beer, knocking back 42.7 gallons per person last year. Sounds like they have the right group for the project.

42.7 gallons per year, or 5465.6 fluid ounces per year, which comes to roughly 15 ounces per person per day. They must be the slimmest people on the planet because they're doing the "Beer-Me" Diet plan all year 'round. You aren't familiar with that particular diet? Look no further than below...
The "Beer-Me" Diet

It seems that a lot of people are dieting recently, trying everything from an all-carbohydrate to an all-protein mix. I have another suggestion, one that has worked through the ages: the "Beer-Me" diet. Personally, I have a "liquid dinner" every time I go to the club on Friday night!

  • Fact: A lite beer has between 70 and 100 calories, is almost all water, and the part that isn't water is almost pure carbohydrates.
  • Fact: The average diet recommends a daily caloric intake of 1,200 calories for women, 1,500 for men, if you want to lose the medically safe two to three pounds a week. On the "Beer-Me" diet, that equates to at least 12 beverages a day for women, and 15 for men. A measurable goal.
  • Fact: The alcohol in beer is a diuretic, which causes the water to flush out almost immediately, leading to a consistent workout regimen including deep knee bends (getting out of the chair), fast walking (very good for your heart) and squats (as the case may be).
  • Fact: Drinking beer actually helps you sleep-even when you aren't necessarily tired. All that added rest is certain to help any problems you may have experienced in sleep deprivation, counting calories on those other fad diets. In addition, you may experience the occasional "How did I get here?" when you wake up, which always makes for lively conversation, and possibly additional exercise if you have to sneak out and run home.
  • Fact: The "Beer-Me" diet is good for your heart. After just one day of consuming your required 12-15 beers, you will certainly want to consume some aspirin, which is medically proven to help prevent heart attacks.
  • Fact: On the "Beer-Me" diet you can eat anything you want. The only rule is that you cannot consume any food until you have consumed at least half of the day's required beers. This way the food will probably only stay in your body a short time, until you again exercise the deep knee bends, quick walk and, this time, the "lean-over-and-hurl" stomach crunches.
  • Fact: Beer drinking is often done in bars, where other forms of exercise are common. Dancing, for example, is a good way to build up a thirst, as is chasing members of the opposite sex. If you really want to maximize your workout, try actually walking up to the bar, versus using a waitress. To take this to the extreme, you could even get up and get someone else a beer-perhaps someone who is newer to the diet plan than yourself.
  • Fact: Beer is cheaper than Jenny Craig.

Based on these facts, let's run through a given scenario for diet implementation.

Caution: This is a weekend diet plan, and should be attempted during the work week by only the staunchest of dieters.

  • Monday through Thursday: Eat junk food, and basically be a slob.
  • Friday: Feeling "huge," swing by the liquor store and stock up. Go to favorite place of beer drinking and begin the consumption process (remember 12 for women, 15 for men).
  • Saturday: Wake up (as required) and lounge around all day, feeling slightly smaller after expunging any food that you may have accidentally consumed (particularly if it involved beef jerky from the 7 Eleven). Take aspirin. Notice that you have absolutely no interest in food, anyway.
  • Saturday (p.m.): Restart cycle, noticing that your appetite has still not returned. Perhaps only meet half of your consumption goal due to an ongoing discussion with "the dog t 364 hat bit you." This is a good thing, as only half-consumption means less than 1,000 calories for the day, and you still don't feel hungry.
  • Sunday (a.m.): Wake up for mandatory sports day. This is a very convenient diet during football season, but it can be successfully implemented year-round. There is some major professional sport being played every day of the year except the day before and the day after the Major League All-Star game (fact-look it up). Consumption on this day should be paced to cover the entire day-you don't want to peak too soon. Again you notice a lack of appetite, and are feeling thinner all the time. Don't forget the aspirin.
  • Monday: Return to work, feeling thinner, well rested, and surprisingly mellow. Mark your log book, and begin preparation for the upcoming weekend.

Update: Uh, make that 15 ounces per day, not 15 beers. I is edumecated. Thanks to a commenter who didn't attempt math on no sleep. I've updated the post above. Thanks for the heads up.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 08:11 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 991 words, total size 6 kb.

1 You might want to check your math. 42.7 gallons per person per year is about 0.8 gallon per person per week. That's about 100 ounces. Divided by 7 would equal about 15 ounces per day per person, not 15 beers. Bottom line, everybody drinks one 15 oz. beer every day.

Posted by: Interested-Participant at November 30, 2004 07:44 PM (6krEN)

2 There is no great genius without some touch of madness.

Posted by: penis enlargement at February 25, 2005 07:44 AM (IMEu8)

3 Omg thats right! Please come see me and my friends!

Posted by: watch moi at March 16, 2005 10:04 PM (5y2gW)

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