Two wiseguys go into a country pub, they call the landlord over and ask him to settle an argument. "Are there two pints in a quart, or four?" asked one.
"There are two pints in a quart" confirmed the landlord.

They moved along the bar to where the barmaid was and she asked for their order. "Two pints please Miss, and they are on the house."

When the barmaid appeared to doubt her boss would dispense free beer, one of the lads called out to the publican at the other end of the bar: "You did say two pints, didn't you?"

"That's right," called the landlord, "Two pints."

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Top Ten Signs You've Purchased A Bad Beer

10. TV Ads Begin "From the sparkling waters of Lake Erie ..."

9. The second you take a sip, your liver explodes

8. For some reason, it's sold in the detergent aisle

7. It was actually brewed by Penny Marshall and Cindy Williams

6. Instead of a wagon pulled by Clydesdales, beer company has a wheelbarrow pushed by a doped-up monkey

5. The company isn't running any sort of sweepstakes, but the underside of the bottle caps all say "Sorry"

4. Tastes more like a mountain goat than a mountain stream

3. Picture on label is of a guy throwing up

2. Your girlfriend announces she's leaving you for Billy Dee Williams

1. When you crack a couple open on a fishing trip and say, "It doesn't get any better than this," your buddies kill themselves

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