If Dave Barry has stopped writing for good, we'll never get to read his yearly roundup of bizzaro items that you can actually purchase. Fortunately, some other people are already on the job. Excerpt:

"Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" Quidditch Set

What is it? This playset lets kids play the flying broomstick game from the popular books and films. Includes a set of two broomsticks, two hoops, various balls and a large catapault.

Why it's dangerous: We were able to get good velocity and height with the enormous slingshot launcher (consisting of two aircraft-grade bungee straps and a child-sized chair). However, the younger children were unable to keep the broom clenched between their legs while being launched 150 feet into the air. Landing also appeared to be an issue, though these results were inconclusive, as we were unable to find many of the children following impact.

What you should do: The only way we were able to score points was by aiming the catapult at the goal and firing the children through the hoop with a ball taped to their chests. And, while amusing, we probably could have done this without purchasing the Quidditch Set.

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Darned work web filters

This is a test; this is only a test. If this had been an actual porn addiction emergency, you'd have been directed to break the glass click the link to ALL XXXX SLUTZ!!! HOT 4U for treatment.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 08:43 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Acidman gets added to the list of (dis)honor because: he's outspoken; he's profane; and he doesn't give a shit what people think about him. In short, he's my kind of guy. In to the blogroll with ye.

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So Kim du Toit thinks the the woman in this post is hot. I like redheads myself, but uh-uh, no way. Oh sure, she's somewhat attractive, but if I was in the market for redheads, I'd go for something like this.

See extended entry: more...

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Uninstall Windows

Is your PC bogging down? Do all of your p0rn sites take too long to load? Then check out the tips in this article. Excerpt:

Open media files fast. If you want to launch an image, video, or audio file quickly, you should look for outside help. Irfanview is a marvelous little program that opens nearly every type of media file in a flash. It even lets you touch up photos and images. Irfanview won't optimize your system, but it will let your system access media files a lot faster. And it does it for free.
...
Stop using Internet Explorer. Microsoft's Web browser is a hog. Switching to the Mozilla Firefox or Opera browser can yield swifter program launches, faster page loads, and an all-around smoother ride. In my personal experience, Firefox has proven the fleetest browser, but Opera consumes the least system memory--useful for older systems with 128MB or 256MB of RAM.

Here's the deal, if you're truly interested in a fast, high-performance machine: get rid of that spamware disguised as Microsoft Windows. I've long called Windows the world's biggest computer virus. Think about it; what does Windows do?

1) It takes up huge amounts of your hard drive
2) Calling it a memory or system hog is a conservative statement
3) Periodically, your PC will seize up for no good reason or just plain crash
4) Windows is everywhere; it is the envy of all computer viruses with regards to its worldwide distribution.

5) And here's the kicker: you paid for this software.

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Marybeth at Finder Creations goes the extra mile this week by providing us with four tasty recipes for children. She prefers them with gravy; I think baked in a pie is still the best way to go. Then again, I'm a fairy tale purist.

Shawn at Everything And/But Nothing also weighs in with multiple submissions this week, both for chicken spaghetti. And they'll both fit just fine into your low high carb lifestyle.

Kathleen, of Baggage and Blathering, has submitted a recipe for French Toast Casserole. If you haven't had the pleasure of tasting such a thing before, let me tell you this: you've been missing out.

David(aka Gullyborg) of Resistance is Futile! gives us a decadent chocolate mousse "cheesecake", which you'll make in the must-have for every kitchen worth its weight in calories: a springform pan. I think my waistline expanded while just reading the doggone thing.

Dale at Mostly Cajun uses the wayback machine to give us the real, honest to goodness, home on the range, cowboy chili. It contains none of those fancy beans or tomatoes, just beef and chili powder. Okay, onions too. That's all you need: beef, chili powder and onions. And maybe some cloves of garlic. That's all you need: beef, chili powder, onions and some cloves of garlic. That's all you need...(okay, I couldn't resist inserting a reference to one of the greatest movies of all time; sue me).

Karen at Let's Play Restaurant! shares a carnivorous treat with us this week, detailing how one goes about achieving pot roast nirvana. Buddha would approve.

Ralphie at Hellbilly Wisdom also weighs in with a pot roast recipe, although this one is pretty spicy. Apparently it also has medicinal qualities as well:

Also, I still feel like what comes out of the south end of a north bound camel, but now I'm at least a little chipper[after eating the roast], ya know?

A much tastier cure for the common cold than cough syrup.

Owlish of Owlish Mutterings puts his leftover blackeyed peas and tomatoes to good use by making an "enchilada lasagna" in his Crock Pot, cooking it for 3-4 hours, which coincidentally is the length of an NFL playoff game. I'm just saying.

The authoress of this particular Carnival gives us another entry in the roast category this week, although Beth decides to use the other white meat instead of beef, which makes it a perfect way to pig out. Oh sure, like you weren't thinking of the exact same rotten joke.

Got any leftover champagne? Me neither, but if you did, then this recipe from Punctilious of the Blog o'Ram will put it to good use. And you'll probably need it to wash down the Wicked Mustard you put on your baked ham.

David of The Waterglass gives you the lowdown on cooking yakburgers. Yes, I mean this animal:

If your time is precious to you, then this recipe from Triticale is just what you've been looking for. Put everything into your slow cooker and go enjoy the day. When you return, something warm and delicious will be waiting for you.

More for the sweet tooth over at Booklore: breakfast cookies, which you'll enjoy throughout the day.

Here's another doubleshot of recipes, this time from Christina over at Feisty Repartee. The first one is for Sand Tart cookies. Those will be a great followup to the Sweet and Sour Pork you'll be having for dinner.

Boudicca of Boudicca's Voice provides the recipe for a nice after dinner beverage for us. I'm not really a friend of Juan Valdez, but the occassional warm Irish Coffee will do the body good. Mmm.

And I, your humble host for this week's Carnival, bring you three desserts. Why yes, my dentist does have a summer home in Palm Springs. Why do you ask?

Thanks to everyone who submitted this week. If I somehow missed yours, let me know and I'll update the Carnival.

Update: Okay, somehow I missed a few recipes. Here goes the first Carnival addendum. It probably won't be the last. Sorry to all you folks that I missed the first time.

It really bothers me that I missed this recipe from Allan of Inside Allan's Mind. Pizza is, after all, the one perfect food in the universe.

Dave at The Glittering Eye gives us a great recipe for roasted vegetables with polenta. I'm really giving the eye to the fresh roasted tomato sauce, though; I love homemade tomato sauce.

Also, a minor correction to my verbiage about Hellbilly's recipe. Sorry about the mixup; it makes much more sense this way. I'm nothing if not easily confused.

Update: Caltechgirl was kind enough to point me towards this recipe for Ghirardelli chocolate chip cookies, which I missed the first second time. I think maybe I'll do a little baking when I get home tonight...

And last, but not least, Amanda of Aussie wife finishes off the Carnival with a recipe for lasagna. Who ever said that the final course had to be dessert?

Final update: Don't forget that next week's Carnival will be hosted at One Happy Dog Speaks.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 11:54 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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1 I submitted a recipe to the recipe.carnival address before the deadline. Did it get lost on the way? You can find it here. Thanks.

Posted by: Allan at January 07, 2005 06:02 AM (LVE1e)

2 Yakety Yak!

Posted by: Gullyborg at January 07, 2005 06:30 AM (WbfGO)

3 Hmmm. My submission for Roasted Vegetables and Polenta seems to be have been missed.

Posted by: Dave Schuler at January 07, 2005 01:09 PM (OLr4c)

4 Not to be cranky or anything, but I was describing my condition at the time, not the pot roast recipe. I would describe the pot roast recipe itself as devinely inspired. I was somewhat more chipper BECAUSE of the pot roast you silly man.

Posted by: RalphieTB at January 07, 2005 01:56 PM (jPCiN)

5 Ah crap! I had meant to send you my recipe, but was sidetracked by finding something shiny on the sidewalk. Sorry, my dear Geek.

Posted by: Helen at January 07, 2005 02:20 PM (QL3eA)

6 Mine appears to be missing as well, although I sent it just before the deadline..... you can find it here

Posted by: caltechgirl at January 07, 2005 06:34 PM (SbnT9)

7 I actually didn't even send one; I always remember on Friday afternoon,,,someday I'll make it in time!

Posted by: Michele at January 07, 2005 09:34 PM (4s+3F)

8 Hmmm... mine is missing too, did I send it too late? anyways, you can find it here

Posted by: Amanda at January 07, 2005 10:00 PM (nqsFV)

9 When is the next deadline, I want to get in on this.

Posted by: Dave at January 08, 2005 07:31 PM (pzBoa)

10 Gosh, I didn't know about this event. I'd like to nominate recipes from my blog please.

Posted by: Madhu (Ze Chef) at January 12, 2005 07:23 AM (87AQb)

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Give. And link to this site. Chief Wiggles has a new operation to help the those in need. Spread the word.

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Network sues man for being massive jagoff

I don't watch Fear Factor. The concept is predictable: people will do anything to make money or appear on television. Everyone watching knows that the brain donor contestants will be forced to eat something that makes buzzards vomit, snorkel through a septic tank, or watch Michael Moore perform a striptease. In fact, the show gives you fair warning:

"Okay John, now dive headfirst into the bubbling pigshit and then open your mouth to scream for help!"

Viewers with the intellectual capacity of a euglena(no offense to all you single-celled organisms out there) know that maybe NOW would be a good time to find the ALL PORN! ALL THE TIME!! channel. Sure, a large number of viewers will stay, since they're hoping that the chick with big tits will lose her bikini top while puking in the corner, but they don't pretend that they don't know what's coming. So along comes this asswipe who's suing NBC for $2.5 million because he "could not stomach what he saw." Apparently, the nausea prevented him from using the effing remote sitting next to him, too.

Update: I see that Serenity is of the same opinion withr regards to this matter. See story #2.

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So we're in the 21st century now and EPCOT-like houses aren't any closer to reality. Anyway, Michele tackles some of the LIES!!! scientific predictions from 1961 and points out that things that didn't turn out quite as promised. Excerpt:

Crazy? Yes. Fact? Hardly. Have you seen a running theme here? Do I sound bitter over the one simple thing that I have been promised endlessly, generation after generation of imaginitave young men making promises they just can't keep? WHERE IS MY FLYING CAR, DAMN IT?

I've never been that big on flying cars. The thought of a drunk driver ploughing into the second floor of my house at night doesn't give me the warm fuzzies. But to each his/her own.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 05:18 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Four words that don't belong together: William Hung's movie career. Maybe he can play a mime so I won't have to hear him sing again.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 02:32 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Looks like the first score of the year, and a solo shot to boot.

I guess I have a lot of company in last place, though.

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Well, I've missed a few Carnivals lately, what with two little ones around the house. I'm making up for it this week with one two three desserts this week. I give you the following:

Molasses Pie
---------------
3 ea Eggs
3/4 c Brown sugar
1/2 t Nutmeg
1/2 t Cinnamon
1/2 t Salt
2 T Melted butter
1 T Flour
1 T Corn-starch
1 1/2 c Molasses

Beat egg yolks until thick. Add molasses and butter. Combine sugar, spices, salt, flour, and corn-starch. Add to first mixture. Mix thoroughly. Fold in stiffly beaten egg whites. Pour into pastry-lined pie pan. Bake in hot oven (425 F) about 15 minutes. Cover pie with a layer of pecans. Sprinkle with sugar. Continue baking 15 minutes.
==========================================

Fudge Truffle Cheesecake
------------------------------
=== crust ===
1 1/2 c Vanilla wafer crumbs
1/2 c Powdered sugar
1/3 c cocoa powder
1/3 c Butter or margarine; melted
2 c semi-sweet chocolate chips
24 oz Cream cheese; (3-8oz pkg), softened
14 oz sweetened condensed milk
4 eggs
2 ts Vanilla

For Crust: In medium bowl, combine the crumbs, powdered sugar, cocoa and butter or margarine. Press firmly on bottom of (10-inch springform pan.

For Cake: Heat oven to 300 degrees. In heavy saucepan, over very low heat, melt chips, stirring constantly. In large mixer bowl, beat cheese until fluffy. Gradually beat in sweetened condensed milk until smooth. Add melted chips and remaining ingredients; mix well.

Pour into prepared pan. Bake 1 hour and 5 minutes or until center is set. Cool: chill. Refrigerate leftovers.
=================================

Triple Chocolate Pudding Cake
-------------------------------------
1 c Biscuit mix
1/2 c Sugar
3/4 c Milk; divided
1/4 c cocoa powder
1/3 c Butter; melted
3/4 c chocolate; chpped
1 ts Vanilla
1 c semi-sweet chocolate
3/4 c Hot water
Whipped topping; or
Ice cream

Heat oven to 350F. Grease a 8 inch square baking pan. In medium bowl, combine baking mix, sugar and cocoa; stir in 1/2 cup milk, butter, 1/4 cup topping and vanilla until blended. Stir in 1/2 cup chocolate chips; spread evenely in prepared pan. In small bowl, combine remaining 1/4 cup milk, remaining 1/2 cup topping and hot water. Pour liquid mixture carefully over top of mixture in pan; do not stir. Sprinkle remaining 1/2 cup chips over surface. Bake 40 to 45 minutes or until center is set and cake begins to pull away from sides of pan. Let stand 15 minutes; spoon into dessert dishes, spooning pudding from bottom of pan over top. Serve warm; garnish with whipped topping if desired. Refrigerate leftovers.

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I guessed he learned nuance from John Kerry

Hindrocket links to an article describing an Oliver Stone press conference in which Stone states why Alexander blew chunks at the box office. Here's the quote:

Stone said the commercial failure of "Alexander" in the United States could be linked to "f**king NASCAR fan fag-bashers."

Okay, maybe I paraphrased a little bit. In any event, Stone thinks that us stoopid 'Mer-cans apparently wouldn't tear ourselves away from our daily worship of the Confederate flag to watch Alexander once we heard that he was a poof. Oh no, he's on to me!

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I followed the trail of breadcrumbs all the way back to its source. Kudos to Rosemary for pointing it out to me. Excerpt:

You think that if someone is getting richer, someone, somewhere, must be getting poorer.

You think that protestors outside nuclear power plants are dedicated activists, but protestors outside abortion clinics are dangerous zealots interfering with a legal activity.

You believe that more federal regulations will make your life better.

You believe that even though the top 20 percent of taxpayers pay 80 percent of income taxes, that the rich are not paying their “fair share.”

You think that Rush Limbaugh’s listeners are mindless “dittoheads,” but you have never doubted anything that you heard from Michael Moore.

You believe in global warming today just as firmly as you believed in global cooling back in the 1970s.

You believe that the network news is a better indicator of what “real” news is than talk radio, Internet news sites, and blogs.

You believe that there was never, ever a problem with biased news coverage until Fox News went on the air.

You believe that Mikhail Gorbachev deserves more credit for losing the Cold War than Ronald Reagan deserves for winning it.

Your parents gave you an acre of preserved rain forest for your first birthday.

You cannot name a single NASCAR driver.

You mentally subtract 100 points from someoneÂ’s IQ if the person speaks with a Southern accent.

You think that Dan Rather got a raw deal.

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Maybe we can kill these guys twice, once for smuggling in heroin and once for sewing the crap into the bellies of puppies.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 05:27 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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This story made me a little uneasy. Maybe I'm being paranoid, but some of the quotations didn't appear quite right to me. Excerpt:

Tiny "miracle babies" make for heartwarming stories, but in reality nearly half of all infants born extremely premature have significant learning and physical disabilities by the time they reach school age, the largest such study found.

Medical advances have allowed doctors to save earlier and smaller babies. While some developmental problems are known to be common among such children, the long-term consequences were not entirely clear.

"We needed to have some idea of really what this group was like when they grew up," said one of the researchers, Dr. Neil Marlow, a neonatologist at the University of Nottingham in England.

Guidelines call for not resuscitating the most severely premature babies, but where to draw the line is a controversial and emotional decision. The study's findings may help guide doctors and parents about whether it is wise to use heroic measures.

"Parents need to go into this situation with their eyes wide open and with an open dialogue with their doctors as to what they should do," Marlow said.

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Why not? Everyone else is laying claim to the moon and clouds. I'm grabbing a planet that's sure to be a tourist attraction in 2113, which will generate a lot of revenue for my descendants. Just call it really long-term financial planning.

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Have you ever been caught off guard when someone walks up to you and asks, "What's the square root of X?" Me, too. Usually, I can remember approximations for most square roots up through, uh, maybe I won't finish that statement. Anyway, sometimes the numbers are just too damn big or I need more digits after the decimal place than I can comfortably work out. It's times like that when you really need Newton's formula:

b represents the number for which you're seeking the square root and x is your first guess. Wanna see how it all works? Of course you do! Observe:

Let's say that you need the square root of 13 and we want to be within 0.00001 of the actual value. For simplicity, we'll make x the same as b, the number we're taking the square root of.

Iterations
-----------
x=13, b=13
NewX=7, difference is 6

x=7, b=13
NewX=4.428571, difference is 2.571429

x=4.428571,b=13
NewX=3.682028, difference is 0.746544

x=3.682028, b=13
NewX=3.606345, difference is 0.075682

x=3.606345, b=13
NewX=3.6055514, difference is 0.000794

x=3.6055514,b=13
NewX=3.605551, difference <0.000001

There you have it: the square root of 13 is approximately 3.605551.

I feel better already.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 09:37 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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The headline says it all: "Teri Hatcher hasn't had sex in four years".

I think I'm going to cry. Some things are just too horrible to contemplate. ::sniff:: Tip o' the blog to Annie.

Update: I'm in good company: Mike and Ace both agree with me.

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