1) Dress up in Cookie Monster costume, jump out from bushes and yell, "Hmmm me want COOKIE!"

2) Ask for bizarre types of cookies like Garlic Mints or Pork Cremes.

3) Sample one and exclaim, "This doesn't taste anything like Girl Scout!"

4) Make a mobile of children's skulls from your local medical supply
warehouse. Decorate it with Girl Scout berets and merit badges.

5) Two words - pit bulls!

6) Become sexually offended at every cookie offered to you. ("Shortbread?
What are you implying? I'm as functional as any other man! Thin mints?! Are you saying I'm not buff?")

7) Save up all the cookies you bought last year. When they come by this
time, offer to sell them your cookies first.

"I'd love to buy your cookies, but the court order prevents me from
coming within 50 yards of children under the age of 17."

9) Ask what sort of credit plans they have.

10) When they knock on the door, give them candy and say how you love their
costumes.

11) Dress your own kids up in severe military uniforms and have them answer
the door. Try to sell the Scouts some Hitler Youth cookies.

12) Invite them in for a sleepover. Don't take no for an answer. (Works
best if you're Michael Jackson)

13) Women, answer the door wearing your old Girl Scout uniform. Pull out
your 15-year old leftover cookies and excitedly offer to help with the fundraising.

14) Ask where the rest of the Spice Girls are.

15) Snap their training bras from behind. Or from the front.

16) Put mirrors conspicuously on the tips of your shoes and ask the little
girls to step a few feet closer.

17) Scream that you're a diabetic and you'll sue their parents for
threatening your health.

1 Have your anorexia support group meet at your house and greet the
little ones. ("COOKIES! COOKIES? Look how fat I am already!")

19) Have your bulimia support group meet at your house and greet the little
ones. ("Mmmm cookies! I just have to make some room for cookies!"
*BLEEEAAAAACHHHH!* "I'll take six boxes, now.")

20) Interrogate the girls about their religious and political preferences.
("Are you a commie? Ever have any abortions? You're not gay, are you?")

21) Scream about your pending lawsuit with the Girl Scout cookie manufacturers. ("You can't come within 100 yards of me with the litigation pending! I still have hives from those chocolate wafers! My lawyer will hear about this!")

22) Answer the door nude. (Oops, you're supposed to only do that to
Jehovah's witnesses)

23) Cover the doorbell with tree sap or boogers, or vaseline.

24) Answer the door in full HAZ-MAT gear and spray them with disinfectant
foam. ("Johnson, quick, we have to burn the porch!")

25) Light yourself on fire and dive at them. You can only do this once.

26) "Cookies? Cookies? My grandmother baked me cookies just before she
(break down sobbing) ... before she... she..."

27) Thrust graphic pictures of caged animals in their faces. ("How many
kittens died for your chocolate sandwich cookies???")

2 "I used to sell Girl Scout Cookies. Do they still beat you if you don't
sell all of them?"

29) With every sales pitch, try to convert the Scouts to Jehovah's
witnesses. ("Want some cookies?" "Have you found grace in our Lord Jesus Christ?")

30) Whip out your cell phone and pretend to call the Child Labor Welfare
Association. Examine the girls for signs of abuse.

31) Offer jobs to the Girl Scouts to come make Nikes in Guatemala for five
cents a day.

32) Demand to taste a cookie before buying a box. Then say something
totally bizzare. (e.g., Lick a thin mint and say, "Hmmm, too many peanuts.")

33) Demand to taste a cookie, and fake a seizure or allergic reaction. ("Oh
shit! You mean these have sugar in them??" *GGURGGG*)

34) Tell them you don't buy Girl Scout cookies due to your religious
beliefs and slam the door.

35) Loudly exclaim to your spouse in background, "Look, they're selling
flavored suppositories! And they come in chocolate, too! Won't the grandkids be pleased!"

36) Hang a huge crucifix on the door, with Jesus dressed up in a miniature
Girl Scout uniform.

37) Just mount a whole child's skeleton on the door, dressed up in a Girl
Scout uniform.

3 Pour fresh concrete on your porch and don't set up any signs.

39) Begin shooting wildly when they approach the porch. ("You'll never take
me alive! Not you or the black copters or anybody!")

40) Leave jack-o-lanterns from last Halloween on the porch. Of course, this
works much better in the summer.

41) Act perfectly normal, except for the fact that you're dry-humping a
beanie baby during the entire solicitation.

42) "Me Tarzan, you Girl Scout! We go make hot monkey cookie love!"

43) Carry out entire sale doing your best Bobcat Golthwait impression.

44) Act if one perfectly normal ingredient is the most erotic thing on
earth. ("Does it have... raisins... in it? Ooooh, I just love raisins... Do your parents know you've been selling... raisins?")

45) Lick you fingers as if you've been eating chicken, then gradually
proceed to groom yourself like a cat.

46) Answer the door like a hyperactive retard. ("EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" *leaping
up and down* "I wanna cookie! COOKIE COOKIE COOKIE!")

47) Dub a tape of Ice T rapping "Kill Da Cookie-Pushin' Girl Scout
Bitches". Play it very, very loudly on your stereo system.

4 Put on an adult-size uniform and try to recruit the girls away from
their current den mother.

49) Stand at the door and leer at them. Just leer. Don't say a word.

50) Shoot one of them point blank in the head. Scream "OH MY GOD, I KILLED
KENNY!" at the top of your lungs and wait three seconds. If any are still
standing there, repeat.

51) Just let them know how crappy and overpriced the damn things are.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 05:49 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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