July 26, 2004
Bang, zoom, into the blogroll with you. Thanks to Dean for pointing out this blog.
Many things have been said about the movie, and of course about its director, Michael Moore. But I dont think Ive heard anyone comment on Moores love for America. It seemed evident to me that the film was born from that love.
Patti, Patti, Patti. You need to find a new dealer because whatever pharmaceuticals you're ingesting have melted your brain.
July 22, 2004
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT.
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows?
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What have you got?
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
COSTELLO: For my office?
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, lets just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W"
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?
ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.
COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business Just tell me what I need!
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I also want to see reel 2, 3 & 4. Can I watch them?
ABBOTT: Of course.
COSTELLO: Great! With what?
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?
ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
ABBOTT: The blue "1".
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?
ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
OSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows"!
ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.
COSTELLO: It is?
ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It
Pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.
COSTELLO: And that word is real one?
ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office.
COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
A FEW DAYS LATER . .
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on "START"
"This is a terrible experience for him, and he's embarrassed by his mistakes," Lockhart said, "but I think he also feels a sense of injustice that after building a reputation as a tireless defender of his country that many Republicans would try to assassinate his character to pursue their own ends."
BUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! A Democrat gets caught red-pantsed and it's dirty Republican plot? I know! A secret Bush operative hid in Berger's clothing and grabbed the documents. Stop it, you're killing me!
Sandy Berger's pilfering of papers from the archive should be big trouble for the Democrats. Why is the press AWOL?
Helloooo?! Anyone?! Bueller?
Let's be honest: I didn't think that the press could match the level of disigenuousness that they've displayed ignoring the Wilson story. Amazingly, I was dead wrong. Something that hurts the Democrats? Stick yourfingers in you ears and shout "LA LA LA LA LA" as loudly as you can. Information that could potentiall damage the Kerry campaign? Mention Abu Ghraib, regardless of the subject matter. Example:
"Today marks the opening of the Virginia State Fair, which is full of wonders that the prisoners at Abu Ghraib won't have the chance to enjoy."
If you're like me, you probably get annoyed when you see stupid bumper stickers on a car like "Bush lied, people died" and "No blood for oil". Don't you wish you could put another sticker on there to make that car a little more fair and balanced? For example:
There are no WMD
There are no active WMD
There are no stockpiles of active WMD
There are no large stockpiles of active WMD
Support Goalpost Movers Union Local 538
In the immortal words of the Puppy Blender, "Heh". Read the rest.
July 21, 2004
1) possibly infect other cats and
2) means that Blackie would suffer and die all by himself
Currently, she doesn't know what to do. The vet has agreed to board Blackie while we look for a home for him. Of course, he would have to stay inside for the rest of his life. Some cats die within a couple of years from feline leukemia, while a few have lived as long as 11 years infected with the virus. Currently, Blackie just appears infected. The vet hasn't determined yet if the kitty AIDS is full blown. If Blackie actually sick-not just infected- then the choice is clear: euthenasia. However, if he's merely infected, it's possible that he could lead a happy life for several years. Maybe more. He's obviously a little reticent around people, having lived as a stray for a couple of years. However, with some coaxing and TLC, he could become a good pet for someone that is happy to be a single cat household. Be aware that he cannot be allowed back outside again. So I'm asking my readers-both of them- to post a link to this story. If Blackie is just infected, but not actively disease ridden, and someone is willing to give him a happy home for however long he has, we can try and work something out. I'd hate to have the vet have to kill him just because we can't find a home.
I realize that I'd have a better likelihood of success if I had the traffic of the Puppy Blender, but I'll take the chance that someone with high traffic links to this post. I will post an update on Blackie's condition as soon as I know something definitive.
Why can't I take him? Because I already have 3 adopted strays in my household and all 3 are healthy. Much as I'd love to help, I cannot risk the infection to my cats. Hence the request for a single cat household adoption.
Thanks for reading. I know that I'm asking for a miracle, but that's pretty much the only chance left at this point.
Update: The cat currently resides in Richmond, VA. Thanks to Harvey for pointing out that I had failed to mention that.
Update: Serenity links to another horrifying story where some pieces of excrement treat an animal like some useless debris to be discarded. It's related to Blacie how? Only in that people act like such turds towards animals too often and this is one case where an abandoned cat(and yes, one infected with feline leukemia) can possibly be given a decent home where he can live out his life. Yep, this post is a Hail Mary; my mother and I are working the live humans in the area, too.
Final Update(and it's good news!): Sometimes the Hail Mary actually works: Blackie has a home. There is a pet rescue home not far from here that takes mostly dogs, but has a new FIV/feline leukemia positive cats, and the people there have agreed to take Blackie. The vet will give him all of his shots now and neuter him before he heads on to the pet hotel.
Thanks to everyone for helping, and especially to Harvey for providing the extra linkage and traffic. I will now remove this post from the top of this blog.
1 pint Heavy whipping cream
2 dozen Boston Cream filled Krispy Kreme donuts
1 pound lard
Blend in Cuisinart until lardy foam forms. Ingest via IV; keep cardiologist and mortician on speed dial.
Victory for the Dems this fall means defeat for the US in the WoT. That really is all there is to it. Its a source of constant rueful amazement to me that some otherwise very smart people like Andrew Sullivan cant see it, or refuse to, or are willing to put other issues ahead of it. I dont understand that at all, and Im not sure I even want to.
I love election season.
Update: Emily steals my idea before I even had it. Of course, I don't own Photoshop, so it's just as well.
Update: Emily was kind enough to point out that Ken Summers created the image. Thanks for the heads up. Sorry for not giving you proper credit, Ken.
Today is Wictory Wednesday. Every Wednesday I ask my readers to volunteer and/or donate to the Bush campaign if they haven't done so already. And if you have volunteered and donated, then get a friend to join you. It's the only way to defeat the lying liberal media.
If you're a blogger, you can join Wictory Wednesday simply by putting up a post like this every Wednesday, asking your readers to volunteer and/or donate to the president's re-election campaign. Be sure to visit these fine participating blogs:
July 20, 2004
3050 B.C.- A Sumerian invents the wheel. Within the week, the idea is stolen
and duplicated by other Sumerians, thereby establishing the business ethic
for all times.
2900 B.C.-Wondering why the Egyptians call that new thing a Sphinx becomes
the first of the world's Seven Great Wonders.
1850 B.C.-Britons proclaim Operation Stonehenge a success. They've finally
gotten those boulders arrange in a sufficiently meaningless pattern to
confuse the hell out of scientists for centuries.
1785 B.C.-The first calendar, composed of a year with 354 days, is
introduced by Babylonian scientists.
1768 B.C.-Babylonians realize something is wrong when winter begins in
776 B.C.-The world's first known money appears in Persia, immediately
causing the world's first known counterfeiter to appear in Persia the next day.
525 B.C.-The first Olympics are held, and prove similar to the modern
games, except that the Russians don't try to enter a six-footer with a mustache
in the women's shot put. However, the Egyptians do!
410 B.C.-Rome ends the practice of throwing debtors into slavery, thus
removing the biggest single obstacle to the development of the credit
404 B.C.-The Peloponnesian war has been going on for 27 years now because
neither side can find a treaty writer who knows how to spell Peloponnesian.
214 B.B.-Tens of thousands of Chinese labor for a generation to build the
1,500 mile long Great Wall of China. And after all that, it still doesn't
keep the neighbor's dog out.
1 B.C.-Calendar manufacturers find themselves in total disagreement over
what to call next year.
Part II ( Early A.D.)
79 A.D.- Buying property in Pompeii turns out to have been a lousy real
432- St. Patrick introduces Christianity to Ireland, thereby giving the
natives something interesting to fight about for the rest of their
1000-Leif Ericsson discovers America, but decides it's not worth
1043-Lady Godiva finds a means of demonstrating against high taxes that
immediately makes everyone forget what she is demonstrating against.
1125-Arabic numerals are introduced to Europe, enabling peasants to sole
the most baffling problem that confronts them: How much tax do you owe on
MMMDCCCLX Lira when you're in the XXXVI percent bracket?
1233-The Inquisition is set up to torture and kill anyone who disagrees
with the Law of the Church. However, the practice is so un-Christian that it is
permitted to continue for only 600 years.
1297-The world's first stock exchange opens, but no one has the foresight
to buy IBM or Xerox.
1433- Portugal launches the African slave trade, which just proves what a
small, ambitious country can do with a little bit of ingenuity and a whole
lot of evil!
1456-An English judge reviews Joan of Arc's case and cancels her death
sentence. Unfortunately for her, she was put to death in 1431.
1492- Columbus proves how lost he really is by landing in the Bahamas,
naming the place San Salvador, and calling the people who live there Indians.
1497-Amerigo Vespucci becomes the 7th or 8th explorer to become the new
world, but the first to think of naming it in honor of himself...the United
States of Vespuccia!
1508-Michelangelo finally agrees to paint the ceiling of the Sistine
Chapel, but he still refuses to wash the windows.
1513-Ponce de Leon claims he found the Fountain of youth, but dies of old
age trying to remember where it was he found it.
1522-Scientists, who know the world is flat, conclude that Magellan made
it all the way around by crawling across the bottom.
1568-Saddened over the slander of his good name, Ivan the Terrible kills
another 100,000 peasants to make them stop calling him Ivan the Terrible.
1607-The Indians laugh themselves silly as the first European tourist to
visit Virginia tries to register as "John Smith".
1618-Future Generations are doomed as the English execute Sir Walter
Raleigh, but allow his tobacco plants to live.
1642-Nine students receive the first Bachelor of Arts degrees conferred in
America, and immediately discover there are no jobs open for a kid with a
liberal arts education.
1670-The pilgrims are too busy burning false witches to observe the golden
anniversary of their winning religious freedom.
1755-Samuel Johnson issues the first English Dictionary, at last providing
young children with a book they can look up dirty words in.
1758- New Jersey is chosen as the site of America's first Indian reservation,
which should give Indians an idea of the kind of shabby living conditions
they can expect from here on out.
1763-The French and Indian War ends. The French and Indians both lost.
1770-The shooting of three people in the Boston Massacre touches off the
Revolution. 200 Years later, three shootings in Boston will be considered
just about average for a Saturday Night.
1773-Colonists dump tea into Boston Harbor. British call the act
"barbaric", noting that no one added cream.
1776-Napoleon decides to maintain a position of neutrality in the American
Revolution, primarily because he is only seven years old.
1779-John Paul Jones notifies the British, "I have just begun to fight!"
and then feels pretty foolish when he discovers that his ship is sinking.
1793- "Let them eat cake!" becomes the most famous thing Marie Antoinette
ever said. Also, the least diplomatic thing she ever said. Also, the last thing
she ever said.
1799-Translation of the Rosetta Stone finally enables scholars to learn
that Egyptian hieroglyphics don't say anything important. "Dear Ramses,
How are you? I am fine."
1805-Robert Fulton invents the torpedo.
1807-Robert Fulton invents the steamship so he has something to blow up
with his torpedo.
1815-Post Office policy is established as Andrew Jackson wins the Battle of
New Orleans a month after he should have received the letter telling him the
War of 1812 is over.
1840-William Henry Harrison is elected president in a landslide, proving
that the campaign motto, "Tippecanoe and Tyler too" is so meaningless that very
few can disagree with it.
1850-Henry Clay announces, "I'd rather be right than president," which
gets quite a laugh, coming from a guy who has run for president five times
1859- Charles Darwin writes "Origin of the Species". It has the same
general plot as "Planet of the Apes", but fails to gross as much money.
1865-Union Soldiers face their greatest challenge of the war: getting
General Grant sober enough to accept Lee's surrender.
1894-Thomas Edison displays the first motion picture, and everybody likes
it except the movie critics.
1903- The opening of the Trans-Siberian Railway enables passengers from
Moscow to reach Vladivostok in eight days, which is a lot sooner than most of
them want to get there.
1910- The founding of the Boy Scouts of America comes as bad news to old
ladies who would rather cross the street by themselves.
1911-Roald Amundsen discovers the South Pole and confirms what he's
suspected all along: It looks a helluva lot like the North Pole!
1912-People with Reservations for the voyage of the Titanic get their
1920-The 18th Amendment to the Constitution makes drinking illegal in the
U.S. so everyone stops. Except for the 40 million who don't stop!
1924-Hitler is released from prison four years early, after convincing the
parole board that he is a changed man who won't cause any more trouble.
1928- Herbert Hoover promises "a chicken in every pot and a car in every
garage," but he neglects to add that most Americans will sonn be without
pots and garages.
1930- Pluto is discovered. Not the dog, stupid; the planet. The dog wasn't
discovered until 1938.
1933- German housewives begin to realize why that crazy wallpaper hanger
with the mustache never came back to finish his work.
1933-Hitler establishes the Third Reich, and announces that it will last
for a thousand years. As matters develop, he is only 988 years off.
1934- John Dillinger is gunned down by police as he leaves a Chicago movie
theater. And just to make the evening a complete washout, he didn't enjoy
the movie either.
1934-As if the Great Depression weren't giving businessmen enough
headaches, Ralph Nader is born.
1938-Great Britain and Germany sign a peace treaty, thereby averting all
possibility of WWII.
1944-Hitler's promise of Volkswagens for all Germans as soon as they've
won the war doesn't prove to be as strong an incentive as he had hoped.
My first thought after finishing the DVDs was that the Fox execs who destroyed Firefly should be slathered with honey then staked out over a red ant's nest. But on second thought, a far better fate would be to make them watch as Firefly catches cult fire and becomes the Star Trek of the 21st century -- but better than ST ever dreamed of being. Let them writhe in the agony of their own incredibly blind decisionmaking.
I couldn't have said it better myself. Maybe the esteemed spousal unit will buy me the series DVD. And I can't wait for Serenity to hit the theaters, probably sometime in 2005. Woo hoo!
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