Captain Ed examines Nancy Pelosi's nuanced response to President Bush. Excerpt:

Pelosi's leadership has been the ruin of her party. She has helped perpetuate the poisonous atmosphere in DC, and her ungracious comments today as well as her knee-jerk reaction to blame everyone but herself for her failure will not appeal to a campaign-weary American electorate. The Democrats need to quit demanding bipartisanship and start exhibiting it, and they need real leaders willing to work across the aisle rather than spit across it. If the Democrats want to compete in 2006, they need to jettison the Pelosis, McAuliffes, and Carvilles of their party now.

When the Democrats nominated Pelosi, I was giddy. After all, the worst attributes of the Democrats would be on permanent display to the country. People needed to become aware of just how demented the party leadership had become. Now? I think it's time for the Dem's to grow up. I saw what happened to the Democrats when they were in charge of the House for 40 years. I suspect that the same will eventually happen to the Republicans if they remain in power indefinitely. The best preventative medicine to such an occurrence is for the Democrats to finally come to grips with the problems within their party. And fix them, too. However, I'll settle for the Donkeys just acknowledging that they have issues to address. Kind of the first step in their 12-step program of party rehabilitation.

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NZ Bear has outdone himself with his latest creation: The Blogosphere Daily News. It looks like Arts and Letters Daily for blogs. Odds of one of my posts ever hitting that page? Magic 8-Ball answer: When pigs fly.

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Apparently the entire blogosphere is determined to push Lileks latest book to #1 on Amazon. I'll do my part. Let's see: add the number of daily visitors to this site to the total # of visitors to all other blogs, subtract the number that actually visit other sites first, carry the one... okay, it won't have any freaking impact, What the heck, I'll hype the book, too. It's bound to make me laugh my hiney off. Maybe I can convince my wife to buy it for me this Christmas...

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If Lileks didn't exist, we'd have to invent him. Excerpt:

You want comity? You want progress? Enough with the catastrophe rhetoric, then. Enough with the nonsense. Enough with the gasbag fantasies. Reading the Klemperer diaries make me realize again what real true perfidy looks like, and how those who view a Bush victory as “four more years of evil” are parading their petulant variety of moral idiocy for the approval of the claque. They’re the modern Rumpelstiltskins, ripping themselves in half in anger to protest the price of pants.

ItÂ’s a great & rare idea: one nation, under God, with liberty and justice for all. I think we can hammer out the particulars in a spirit of good will, eh? Or not. Our choice.

“Who is the father of George W. Bush?” Gnat asked on the way to school today. Oh boy.

“You’re not going to believe this, but his name is George Bush, too.”

“Oh, daddee.”

“True.” Pause. Should I? Might as well. “And he was the president once, too.”

“George Bush’s daddy was president too? You’re joking me. That’s silly.”

And so it begins. But if all goes as it usually does, in 14 years sheÂ’ll vote for someone I donÂ’t like; heÂ’ll win, and sheÂ’ll and remind me: you taught me to respect the President.

If I can give her that much, IÂ’ve done my job.

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Well, almost. Excerpt:

A Canadian man, angry that he was refused a plane ticket to Australia at Los Angeles International Airport, stripped naked, sprinted across the tarmac and climbed into the wheel well of a moving jumbo jet, officials said.

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Received via email this morning. I have no idea where they came from.

---------------------------------------------------------------
Top Ten John Kerry Excuses

10. Voters were in a fever-induced haze because they couldn't get flu shots.

9. Floridians confused by shockingly unconfusing ballots.

8. Maybe it wasn't best idea to begin speeches with "yo mama is so fat" jokes.

7. The endorsement from Osama Bin Laden didn't exactly help him.

6. "Dude--it's the Curse of the Bambino."

5. Should've campaigned more in New Mexico, less in regular Mexico.

4. Turns out voters think it's hot that Cheney has a lesbian daughter.

3. Thought America was ready for a lunatic first lady.

2. Voters seem to really like a weak economy and a badly-run war.

1. Was distracted by late night erotic phone calls from Bill O'Reilly.
==================
Top Ten Punchlines To Dirty Election Jokes

10. "With a poll like that, I'm suprised he can gallup at all."

9. "She starts chanting, 'four more minutes! four more minutes!'"

8. "That's not the voting lever, but don't stop pulling."

7. "This isn't how it looks--I'm just joining a third party."

6. I prefer Bush, but I don't know who I'll vote for."

5. "So that's where Katherine Harris was hiding the Al Gore votes."

4. "Unfortunately, his margin of error was plus or minus three inches."

3. "Get used to it, honey--we live in a swing state."

2. "I thought you had trouble maintaining an election."

1. "I saw your sister with Mary Cheney--there was no sign of Dick."

Update: Just heard that list #1 is from Letterman.

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Gennie breaks out the whooping stick so you don't have to. I have to admit, I was doing my best not to gloat, especially after Kerry's concession speech. However, as Dizzy Girls reminds us, there are PLENTY of other targets that should receive our scorn. Since I can't possibl improve upon her rant, let me give you a taste to whet your appetite:

So many right-wing bloggers are going the nice route and have decided not to gloat. Well, fuck that! I'm gloating damnit and I don't care. If Kerry had won, every left-wing blog would be rubbing our faces in it like a puppy who shit on the carpet. So take the high road my fellow right-wing bloggers. As for me, I'm going to gloat my ass off!

Michael Moore: Fuck you...fuck you...FA-UCK YA-OO!!! Fuck you you piece of human filth. 58 million Americans think you and your movie are full of shit. Please do us all a favor and move out of the country.

Hollyweird: America sent you a message last night, wanna know what it said? It said that we don't give a shit about you and your opinions. Your endorsements mean crap to us. Stop pretending like you're better than us and smarter than us. You fucked up big time. You've exposed yourselves for what you really are: anti-American tin-foilers. I've got a running list of you bitches and I promise you that I will NEVER give you another red cent. Please do us all a favor and make good on your promise to leave the country. We've been waiting for four years already. If you need help packing or anything, let us know, we'll be MORE than happy to help you get the hell out of this country that you hate so much.

I'm trying to stifle giggles here at work since I'm surrounded by leftists from the lunatic frince, but it's hard. Really, really hard.

Update: A den Beste sighting has become more rare than a conservative Democrat in Berkeley, but here you go. And yeah, I know he's got Chizumatic going strong.

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I still don't understand why Bush and Co. backed Arlen Specter in his bid for re-election. Anyone with an ounce of sense would have known that

1) Specter is pretty much a RINO and
2) since he doesn't have to worry about the voters again, this being his last term and all, he's free to be as big a liberal dickhead as he wants.

Case in point. Excerpt:

U.S. Sen. Arlen Specter, who is expected to chair the Senate Judiciary Committee next year, bluntly warned President Bush yesterday against putting forth Supreme Court nominees who would seek to overturn abortion rights or who might otherwise be considered too conservative to win confirmation.

Memo to Senator Specter: go fuck yourself.

Hey, does anyone know if the Senate rules can be changed to remove this asshole from the Judiciary Committee? Just curious.

Update: Turns out that I'm not the only one that feels this way. Excerpt:

One more thing. In Pennsylvania, where Bush made a crucial error in intervening the wrong way in a tight GOP primary race between conservative Pat Toomey and Sen. Arlen Specter, he got nowhere on Tuesday. We're left with Specter as the presumptive next chairman of the Judiciary Committee, where Bush's judicial nominees will run the gantlet.

Specter has already given notice that he will approve only "centrist" (read: pro-abortion, pro-'gay') judges. Given Tuesday's mandate for the "extremist" moral order that Specter disdains, it's not too early to begin a campaign to dump him and ensure that a real conservative like Jon Kyle takes this crucial post.

You heard it here: Dump Specter, now.

Update #2: The folks at the Corner are on it as well. I should have guessed. Excerpt:

A few readers have already told me they have e-mailed Bill Frist and/or their senators. The more I think about it, this election is not over—there is unfinished business. As you know, Arlen Specter warned the president yesterday, in the press, that he will have a litmus test for judges if Specter is judiciary chair, a foregone conclusion as far as most are concerned. Fact is, folks, HE IS NOT JUDICIARY CHAIR, but there will be elections in the Senate in the coming days which could very well make him judiciary chairman. Conservatives, as we have seen, won this election. Many of you personally played no small role in that. Why should Republicans stifle their conservative base by putting Arlen Specter in as judiciary chair? There is no reason. If there was some deal cut that he would be judiciary chair, it seems to me he broke it yesterday. Some might want to give him the benefit of the doubt. (Not me.) Maybe Specter just wanted to keep the liberals who supported his reelection bid off his case, so he issued his warning to the president on the day of his victory (and a very conservative victory across the nation, at that). Fact is, we only know what he says. And I, for one, will take him on his word. So, simply put, Arlen Specter cannot be judiciary chair. If you agree—if you agree that good men and women cannot be kept off the Supreme Court because they are against abortion (disqualifying, for starters, any faithful Catholic, many evangelicals, Muslims, automatically…)—call and e-mail Bill Frist (and your Republican senators, if applicable) today. I’m pretty certain an overwhelming outcry from conservatives in the next few days is the only way Arlen Specter can be kept from becoming a huge obstacle. So get to work. Frist’s number is 202-224-3344.

Call often. Let's get this party started.

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For those of you interested in such things, both the Iowa futures market and Tradesports betting wagered-correctly- that Bush would be elected. These results were far more accurate than the pollsters turned out to be. Just an FYI.

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Best of the Web lists a roundup of predictions that, alas, did not come to pass.::snicker:: Excerpt:

"A clear theme in this administration's policy is that the United States neither needs nor particularly wants the good opinion of the states it dominates. It is indifferent to the legitimacy provided by the respect of other peoples. It is content to rest its claim to international leadership on the exercise of its power. That certainly is not what the electorate voted for two years ago. It is why Bush will almost certainly be a one-term president."--William Pfaff of the New York Times' Paris edition, Oct. 26, 2002

"He has canceled elections in Iraq. He will probably cancel them in Afghanistan. Will George W. Bush put the kibosh on elections in the United States next year? . . . It's easy to come up with a scenario in which canceling the 2004 election could be made to appear reasonable. Imagine that, a few weeks before Election Day, "dirty bombs" detonate simultaneously in New York and Washington. Government, media and political institutions and personnel lie ruined in smoking rubble and ash; hundreds of thousands of people have been murdered. The economy, already teetering on the precipice, is shoved into depression. How could we conduct elections under such conditions?"--anti-American columnist Ted Rall, July 17, 2003

"Elections that feature a sitting president tend to be referendums on the incumbent--and in recent elections, the incumbent has either won or lost by large electoral margins. If you look at key indicators beyond the neck-and-neck support for the two candidates in the polls--such as high turnout in the early Democratic primaries and the likelihood of a high turnout in November--it seems improbable that Bush will win big. More likely, it's going to be Kerry in a rout."--Chuck Todd of The Hotline, in The Washington Monthly, May 2004

"I take it as a given that virtually no Gore voters from 2000 will pull the lever for Bush. But how many lightly-committed Bush voters from 2000 will hold him to account if they believe he gambled big and gambled unwisely with America's honor and safety, and came up short? I think more than a few. And since there were more Gore voters than Bush voters last time anyway, well . . ."--blogger Josh Marshall, June 29, 2004

"One day last May, I assigned the election to John Kerry. I said it early, and often. As I looked more, I saw that it shouldn't even be close. I said that in this space more than once. Now I am so sure that I am not even going to bother to watch the results tonight. I am going to bed early, for I must rise in the darkness and pursue immediately an exciting, overdue project. Besides, if I was up, so many people, upon seeing every word I said of this election coming true on television in front of them, would be kissing my hands and embarrassing me with outlandish praise."--Newsday columnist Jimmy Breslin, Nov. 2, 2004

"Regular readers won't be in any doubt about who I want to win, though New York Times rules prevent me from giving any explicit endorsement. (Hint: it's the side that benefits from large turnout.)"--former Enron adviser Paul Krugman, implicitly endorsing George W. Bush, Nov. 2, 2004

"This is the best election night in history."--Democratic National Committee chairman Terry McAuliffe, Nov. 2, 2004, just beore 8 p.m. EST
*Note: So long, sucker!

"I know it's hard to believe there was once a time when even a politician would put the country first. But when Eisenhower urged Nixon to challenge the suspect election results in '60, he refused to put the nation through it. Nixon showed a lot of class. [pause] Did I just say that?" "What a difference a half century makes."--Garry Trudeau, Doonesbury, Nov. 3, 2004

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I am not linking to Ana Marie Cox. However. I am stealing her bandwidth.

Hot conservative chicks. It just doesn't get any better than that.

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Iowahawk is far more gracious than I am. He reaches out to his freakishly demented drooling leftist loons brothers across the political aisle and offers them some sage advice. Excerpt:

Also remember that every cloud has a silver lining. For example, did you know that George Soros wants to share his fortune with you for forwarding this message to all of your progressive friends? This is NOT a junk letter, and you will regret if you ignore! As part of a progressive community email 'beta test.' When you forward this message to friends, George Soros and MoveOn will track it for a two week time period. For every person that you forward this e-mail to, George Soros and MoveOn.org will pay you $50, and for every person that fowards from there, they will pay you $49, and so on! In two weeks, remember to contact MoveOn.org and ask for your money.

He's a bigger man than I am. ::sniff::

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Lack of sleep will reduce my ability to be funny. Sadly, no one will notice. Anyway, here is this week's assignment: What would you do with 380 tons of explosives?

1) Offer it as a diet pill to Michael Moore. To him, it would be wafer thin. But I digress.

2) Use it to perform exploratory surgery on Arafat. Sure, 380 tons is a bit of overkill but-. Overkill: there's a word just not used enough in conjunction with Arafat's name.

3) Use it to build a protective moat on the other side of Israel's anti-terrorist wall. You can't be too safe.

4) Smear it on a slice of rye bread and eat it. Explosives taste just like chicken.

5) Use the 380 tons to fuel the spaceship containing all of the celebrities that said they'd leave the country if Bush won. Buh-bye. Don't let the door bruise your ass on the way out.

6) Destroy every frigging copy of The Phantom Menace, that celluloid abortion that Lucas foisted on us after 20 years of waiting.

7) Throw the anniversary edition of ET onto the pile. FBI swat team members carrying cell phones for defense. Riigghhhttt.

And don't forget to add the updated version of Star Wars. Greedo did NOT shoot first, damnit.

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I disagree with Scott Ganz on many political issues, but damn, the guy makes a lot of great points. Excerpt:

To the Loony Left: Reexamine how out of step you are with even your own party, and start playing the game. Also, take a bath.

To the Liberals and the Democrats: Figure out what's really important. Pick your fights. Stop pursuing causes that make you feel liberal, like taking away hunting rifles and making sure white men can never get a job, and start fighting for true liberalism. Fight for true personal freedom, corporate responsibility, working families, and social justice.

To the Middle: This guy you just elected? Watch his ass. Not in a Michael Moore movie, mind you. But you should keep checking under the hood. You're not going to be as happy as you think you are.

To the Right: Remember the 94 backlash? Step too far outside the bounds of decency, and you'll pay just like we did a decade ago. We still vote in this country.

To the Maniac Far Right/Christian Coalition: You guys-- Ah fuck it. There's no reasoning with you lot.

To Foreigners: You meddled like never before, and it blew up in your face. You hate us, and occasionally I see why. However, you forgot that Americans are irrationally attached to the notion of being liked, and now that you've definitively expressed that we are not, it's time to sit back and enjoy the pissy backlash. Next time you want a new President, discuss it quietly at your next Global Conference on Ending Racism, AIDS, and Jewishness.

It should be an interesting 4 years.

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Adam Yoshida posts what I was thinking but had absolutely no ability to put into such clear and concise words. Excerpt:

This is a decisive moment in American history. ThereÂ’s no denying this fact. The nation stood at the crossroads yesterday and the people choose to go the right way. They rejected the Democrat Party and the pernicious things that those people stand for.

Michael Moore and his ilk have been rejected by the people. Treason didnÂ’t carry the day. Forgeries and lies failed to produce the results that they wanted.

It was closer than weÂ’d like, of course. Far too close. I still canÂ’t believe that anyone voted for John Kerry. John Kerry was a personification of everything thatÂ’s wrong with the Democrat Party today. A traitor in his youth, he proposed policies of economic division at home and which would have brought military defeat abroad. The once-proud Democratic Party of people like Franklin Roosevelt, Harry Truman, John F. Kennedy and Lyndon Johnson has been reduced to such a level as to become little better than the party of AIDS, abortion, adultery and appeasement.

There's more, of course. Thanks to Kim du Toit for showing the way.

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Let the gloating commence.

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What if Kerry had won? Behold:

Please note that Texas is the only state with a legal right to secede from the Union. Please refer to the Texas-American Annexation Treaty of 1848.

We Texans love y'all, but we'll have to take action if Kerry wins president over Bush. We'll miss you, too.

Texas has given all those complainers plenty of time to get used to theresults. After seeing the whiners along the campaign route, the folks from Texas are considering taking matters into our own hands.

Here is our solution:

1. Let John Kerry become President of the United States, all 49 states.

2. George W. Bush becomes the President of the Republic Of Texas.

So what does Texas have to do to survive as a Republic?

1. NASA is just south of Houston, Texas. We will control the space
industry.

2. Gasoline - We refine over 85% of the gasoline in the United States.

3. Defense Industry - We have over 65% of it. The motto "Don't Mess with Texas" will take on a whole new meaning.

4. Oil - We can supply all the oil that the Republic of Texas will need for the next 300 years. Yankee states? Sorry about that.

5. Natural Gas - Again we have all we need, and it's too bad about those northern states. John Kerry will figure a way to keep them warm.

6. Computer Industry - We currently lead the nation in producing computer chips and communications: Small places like Texas Instruments, Dell Computer, EDS, Raytheon, National Semiconductor, Motorola, Intel, AMD, Atmel, Applied Materials,
Ball Semiconductor, Dallas Semiconductor, Delphi,
Nortel, Alcatel, etc. The list goes on and on.

7. Health Centers - We have the largest research centers for cancer research, the best burn centers, and the top trauma units in the world, and other large health planning centers.

8. Education - We have enough colleges to keep us going: UT, Texas A&M, Texas Tech, Rice, SMU, U. of Houston, Baylor, UNT, Texas Women's University, St. Mary's University, San Antonio College. Ivy grows better in the South anyway

9. Laborers - We have a ready supply of workers. We just open the border when we need some more.

10. We have control of the paper industry, plastics, insurance, etc.

11. In case of a foreign invasion, we have the Texas National Guard and the Texas Air National Guard. We don't have an army, but since everybody down here has at least 6 rifles and a pile of ammo, we can raise an army in 24 hours if we need it. If the situation really gets bad, we can always call Department of Public Safety and ask them to send over a couple Texas Rangers.

12. Food - We are totally self sufficient in beef, poultry, hogs, several types of grain, fruit, vegetables, and let's not forget seafood from the Gulf. And everybody down here knows how to cook them so that they taste good. Don't need any food.

This names just a few of the items that will keep the Republic Of Texas in good shape. There isn't a thing out there that we need and don't have.

Now to the rest of the United States under President Kerry:
Since you won't have the refineries to get gas for your cars, only President Kerry will be able to drive around in his 9-mile-per- gallon SUV. The rest of the United States will have to walk or ride bikes. You won't have any TV since the space center in Houston will cut off your connection to space communications.

You won't have any natural gas to heat your homes, but since Mr.. Kerry has predicted global warming, you will not need the gas.

Have a nice day!

Signed,
The People in Texas

Posted by: Physics Geek at 06:39 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Stop by and congratulate Heather on celebrating 13 wonderful years.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 04:06 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Leann posts about a couple with irreconcilable differences. Mheh.

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Hit the road Jackass.
Don't you come back no more no more.
Hit the road Jackass.
Don't you come back no more.
What you say?!

Update: Great minds think alike. Or this case, Will Collier and I are on the same page. No offense intended, Will.

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