April 14, 2006

I think that I've found Comedhimmi Central's business partner

And it's the entire country of England. Excerpt:

When asked about his play on the last day at Augusta, Woods replied: "I putted atrociously today. Once I got on the greens, I was a spaz."

In several countries, "spaz" is an offensive term for people affected with spastic paralysis, a form of cerebral palsy.

Britain-based disability organization Scope, formerly The Spastics Society, said of Woods's comments: "Once again, Tiger Woods demonstrates that we are two nations divided by a common language. "

I submit that Scope is populated by wool-headed wankers whose sole purpose in life is to search for every possible insult-

"Look, he said 'Spaz'!"

"Uh, that was a grunt in Swahili that means 'my penis is a dripping pustule'".

"He insulted me. Make him apologize!!!!"

- that will allow them to run around like monkeys in a zoo, screeching at the top of their lungs and flinging poo at people passing by. Screech away, my little dipshits.

Update: The Emperor puts it a little more succinctly:

Shut up. Just shut. the. fuck. UP!

If the best thing you dickheaded retards can find to occupy your time with is running around demanding apologies because someone, somewhere, might possibly have gotten offended, then we’d appreciate it very much if you’d just get in your cars, run a hose from the exhaust through a window and start playing with the gas pedal.

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Up your's!

I've noodled over the whole Mohammed cartoon issue for a while. I believe that it's more complicated that most people seem to think. Do we have the right to publish them? Unquestionably yes. Does that translate into must publish? Survey says: BZZZZZ!. And I understand why some companies would choose to err on the side of caution. Gerard provides a great illustration of this with regards to Borders. To wit:

Is it really the case that your guys expect me, after months of watching this global governmental cowardice in the face of Islamic intimidation go down, to pin a big "Kick Me" sign on the backs of every one of my employees? Dudes, I worked in the grocery business for most of my career and if I am the last line of defense here, log off and head for the mountain redoubt with a box lunch because the terrorists have won.

However, I believe that, in other cases, capitulation to the Islam uber alles crowd is the order of the day. Patterico understands Borders's position, but finds Comedhimmi Central's cowardly groveling might damned pathetic:

Which brings us back to South Park. One of the most dangerous ideas in the world right now is Islamic exceptionalism. The pernicious notion that Islam is a force above and beyond all human law–and above all human rights–drives terrorism, empowers fascist movements, and immiserates a huge swath of the world. What insufferable airs. What an indefensible pretense. What a ridiculous pose.

What a laugh. Its consequences are tragedy and atrocity, but radical Islam’s source is a farce.

The same is true, to a much lesser degree, with Scientology, which hasn’t killed anyone but still regards itself with all the touchy, priggish self-importance of a bunch of new-age Ayatollahs. What a bunch of censorious ninnies. Get over yourselves.

If ever there were creeds that needed taking down a notch, these are the ones. Good for South Park for laughing at them. I don’t like South Park because they are indiscriminate with their scorn and insult things for the sake of being insulting, but they sure got this one right. And jeers to Comedy Central for shutting them down. Not only does Comedy Central scorn the things that don’t deserve it, but unlike South Park, they turn away from insulting the things that really do deserve it. As a civic institution, they’re a complete failure, and they’ve misused this important freedom we are fighting to defend.


Update: Michelle Malkin posts some proposed new logos for the network that fellates camels. And although these images are probably copyrighted, I feel certain that their creators won't mind if I share them with both of my readers. So here are two from the Maker of Worlds:



I was hoping for an image of Mohammed screwing a camel bearing Cowardly Central's logo, but that's probably a little too disgusting for Michelle Malkin to post.

Update: Kudos to Damien Penny for coining the prhase Cowardly Central.

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April 13, 2006

Max Dugan Returns

Or maybe Michele. I can't remember which. Regardless, it's good news.

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Yeah, I passed

Then again, I better have passed the damned thing. Otherwise, someone might have asked me to return my master's degree. Heck, they might have made me return my undergraduate degree, too.

You Passed 8th Grade Math

Congratulations, you got 10/10 correct!

Quiz found via Insults Unpunished.

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April 10, 2006

Post of the day

I read Hyperion Cantos a long time ago. A different sort of science fiction, to be sure, but I did enjoy the writing. Anyway, Dan Simmons wrote as frightening a short story as you're likely to read. Lengthy excerpt to whet your appetite for more:

“I came back for my own purposes,” said the Time Traveler, looking around my booklined study. “I chose you to talk to because it was . . . convenient. And I don’t want you to do a goddamned thing. There’s nothing you can do. But relax . . . we’re not going to be talking about personal things. Such as, say, the year, day, and hour of your death. I don’t even know that sort of trivial information, although I could look it up quickly enough. You can release that white-knuckled grip you have on the edge of your desk.”

I tried to relax. “What do you want to talk about?” I said.

“The Century War,” said the Time Traveler.

I blinked and tried to remember some history. “You mean the Hundred Year War? Fifteenth Century? Fourteenth? Sometime around there. Between . . . France and England? Henry V? Kenneth Branagh? Or was it . . .”

“I mean the Century War with Islam,” interrupted the Time Traveler. “Your future. Everyone’s.” He was no longer smiling. Without asking, or offering to pour me any, he stood, refilled his Scotch glass, and sat again. He said, “It was important to me to come back to this time early on in the struggle. Even if only to remind myself of how unspeakably blind you all were.”

“You mean the War on Terrorism,” I said.

“I mean the Long War with Islam,” he said. “The Century War. And it’s not over yet where I come from. Not close to being over.”

“You can’t have a war with Islam,” I said. “You can’t go to war against a religion. Radical Islam, maybe. Jihadism. Some extremists. But not a . . . the . . . religion itself. The vast majority of Muslims in the world are peaceloving people who wish us no harm. I mean . . . I mean . . . the very word ‘Islam’ means ‘Peace.’”

“So you kept telling yourselves,” said the Time Traveler. His voice was very low but there was a strange and almost frightening edge to it. “But the ‘peace’ in ‘Islam’ means ‘Submission.’ You’ll find that out soon enough”
“Let’s imagine,” said the Time Traveler, “that on December eighth, Nineteen forty-one, President Franklin Delano Roosevelt spoke before a joint session of Congress and asked them to declare war on aviation.”

“That’s absurd,” I said.

“Is it?” asked the Time Traveler. “The American battleships, cruisers, harbor installations, Army barracks, and airfields at Pearl Harbor and elsewhere in Hawaii were all struck by Japanese aircraft. Imagine if the next day Roosevelt had declared war on aviation . . . threatening to wipe it out wherever we found it. Committing all the resources of the United States of America to defeating aviation, so help us God.”

“That’s just stupid,” I said. If I’d ever been afraid of this Time Traveler, I wasn’t now. He was obviously a mental defective.“The planes, the Japanese planes,” I said, “were just a method of attack . . . a means . . . it wasn’t aviation that attacked us at Pearl Harbor, but the Empire of Japan. We declared war on Japan and a few days later its ally, Germany, lived up to its treaty with the Japanese and declared war on us. If we’d declared war on aviation, on goddamned airplanes rather than the empire and ideology that launched them, we’d never have . . .”

I stopped. What had he called it? Category Error. Making the problem unsolvable through your inability – or fear – of defining it correctly.

The Time Traveler was smiling at me from the shadows. It was a small, thin, cold smile – holding no humor in it, I was sure -- but still a smile of sorts. It seemed more sad than gloating as my sudden silence stretched on.

Go there. Now.

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Can I get a defibrillator with that?

Not getting enough caffeine in your diet? Do you find that drinking lots of coffee/soda to get your caffeine is too burdensome? Have I got an invention for you. Excerpt:

And now ThinkGeek Labs is proud to present the most revolutionary caffeine delivery system available: Buzzaire.

Buzzaire is, quite simply, a caffeine inhaler. One squeeze, one inhale, and you've just rushed 150mg of caffeine into your blood stream. Mints or drinks have to go through your digestive tract first before partying in your blood (or through your skin, in the case of caffeinated soap). But the lung/blood barrier is the fastest way (other than injection or IV) to get caffeine into your system. Not only will you get one heck of a rush, but you'll also freshen your breath! A hint of peppermint oil in each puff will give you a little extra perk with its peppy zing. Buzzaire can beat up your air!

Caffeine Comparison Chart
Drink/Food Caffeine Content
12oz Can of Coke 34mg
12oz Can of Mt. Dew 37mg
12oz of Jolt Cola 78mg
10oz Bottle of Bawls 80mg
8oz of Brewed Coffee 70-120mg
One breath of Buzzaire 150mg

I forsee really big sales.

Update: When you want a shower that induces a coronary in the morning.

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April 07, 2006

Psst, WSJ editorial writers: look over here.

I'm giving you the finger, you self-important sphincter muscles. I know that you want an unrestricted flood of people pouring into this country, illegal or not. Come to think of it, you'd probably like to change the term "illegal alien" to "my future gardner". You're certainly entitled to share your opinion as much as you want. But you might want to drop the condescending tone when you're lecturing all the rest of brain-dead yokels, because some of us might be disinclined to pay any attention to you. Just an FYI, in case you care, which you obviously don't.

Ehh, I wasn't going to bother, but here's the excerpt:

The problem is not that 11 million foreigners are here working. The problem is that they're here illegally. Efforts to close off future flows, or deport illegal aliens already here en masse, would do economic harm to all Americans, both low- and high-income. Let's hope the Congress figures that out as well.

Let's hope that Congress doesn't heed your rather ill-considered advice.

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Big Brew is coming...

What is Big Brew?

Each year on the first Saturday in May, homebrewers unite non-brewing and brewing friends and family to celebrate National Homebrew Day, joining with thousands of homebrewers from around the world in brewing the same recipes and sharing a simultaneous toast at noon Central Time.

Before the event, participants that are planning BIG BREW events register their site on this web site. These registered sites help the American Homebrewers Association track how many participants celebrated the event. Event results will be posted on this page a few weeks after the event.

To participate, you first have to register your Big Brew Site, or see if there's one already registered near where you live. Then decide which of the two selected recipes you'll actually brew. Since I don't actually enjoy Kölsch, I guess that I'll be brewing the Poor Richard's colonial ale. However, brew what you like; after all, the whole point of this exercise is to participate in homebrewing, which is a hobby that I wholeheartedly endorse. Finally, people around the globe will share a simultaneous toast at 12:00 noon, US Central Time.

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April 06, 2006

Tartan Day stuff

Tartan Day has arrived yet again. While I don't have any pictures-yet- to post this year, I have managed to unearth some more crappy jokes to share.

A young Scottish lad and lass were sitting on a low stone wall,holding hands, gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently.

Then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus."

"Well, uh, I was thinkin'...perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss."

The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek.

Then he blushed. The two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

Minutes passed and the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."

"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's noo time aboot time for a wee cuddle."

The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a few seconds.

Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

After a while, she again said, "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."

"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's aboot time you let me put my hand on your leg."

The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her knee. Then he blushed.

The the two turned once again to gaze out over the lock before the girl spoke again.

"Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."

The young man glanced down with a furled brow. "Well,noo," he said, "my thoughts are a wee bit more serious this time."

"Really?" said the lass in a whisper, filled with anticipation.

"Aye," said the lad, nodding.

The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush, and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request.

Then he said, "Dae ye nae think it's aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?"
A plane was shot down over Iraq and Saddam Hussain captured a Scotsman,an Englishman and an Australian. Saddam says "I'm not as cruel as George Bush says I am You will be given 50 lashes each but you can have whatever you want on your back."

The Australian goes first and asks for the finest Kangaroo hide there is to cover his back. This is granted and he receives the kangaroo hide before he receives 50 lashes. His back is all torn and bleeding but he survives.

The Englishman says "I will take it as it comes I will have nothing on my back and will be proud to bear the scars" he shouts defiantly"Stiff upper lip you know eh what" His wish is granted and he receives his 50 lashes, his back torn and bleeding, his ribs fractured and protruding, a terrible mess to behold.

"Now Jock It's your turn you have the same choice as the other two what would you like on your back" says Saddam.

Jock replies quickly and without hesitation "I'll have the Englishman."

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

"Why of course," comes the reply.

The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"

"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.

The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."

"Of Course," replies the second man.

Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"

"Dublin," comes the reply.

"I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."

"Of course," replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?"

"Saint Mary's," replies the second man. "I graduated in '65."

"This is unbelievable!," the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '65, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.

"What's been going on?," he asks the bartender.

"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."
Music and lyrics to Scotland the Brave(note: NOT a joke):

Here's the music:

And here are the lyrics. You might want to listen to the music whilst reading the lyrics:

Hark when the night is falling

Hear! hear the pipes are calling,

Loudly and proudly calling,

Down thro' the glen.

There where the hills are sleeping,

Now feel the blood a-leaping,

High as the spirits of the old Highland men.

Towering in gallant fame,
Scotland my mountain hame,
High may your proud standards gloriously wave,
Land of my high endeavour,
Land of the shining river,
Land of my heart for ever,
Scotland the brave.

High in the misty Highlands,
Out by the purple islands,
Brave are the hearts that beat
Beneath Scottish skies.
Wild are the winds to meet you,
Staunch are the friends that greet you,
Kind as the love that shines from fair maiden's eyes.


Far off in sunlit places,
Sad are the Scottish faces,
Yearning to feel the Kiss Of sweet Scottish rain.
Where tropic skies are beaming,
Love sets the heart a-dreaming,
Longing and dreaming for the homeland again.




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I didn't expect this

Then again, who would? I give you Brittlelactica, Planet in Need.

Be sure to visit all of the planetoids in the system. You will need data to more fully appreciate the great Da Iry.

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April 05, 2006

That's what I get for not checking email for 2 weeks

Tartan Day is nigh upon me and I dinna get my colors washed.

In honor all blogs participating in Gathering 2006, I present to you the hand-coded blogroll, courtesy of Ith(Gathering 2006 Blogroll over in sidebar):

Gathering of the Blogs 2006
Absinthe & Cookies
Not Exactly Rocket Science
Lintefiniel Musing
Villainous Company
The Pirate's Blog
Ninjababe's Ramble
Miasmatic Review
Misplaced Keys
Mixolydian Mode
The Bull Speaks!
Frizzen Sparks
Llama Butchers
Jenna Thomas-McKie
Physics Geek
Aaron's cc:
MB's Blogasm
Blackfive - The Paratrooper of Love
Swanky Conservative
MB's Blogalicious
Doggie's Blog
Target Centermass
Recipe Blog
Hilbilly White Trash
Miasmatic Review
Stix Blog
The Gun Line
what a sad old goth...
And then I woke up...

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Cool news

Everyone else probably knows, but Heather and Brian are expecting, so Yay. Heather's thinking about dropping her blog, which isn't so cool, so go let her know that you'd like her to stick around.

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The perky one swaps her morning gig for an anchor desk

MRC has compiled a list of what it considers good examples of Katie's "leftward tilt" , although I think that Katie has long since fallen onto the ground on her left side, started sinking and has disappeared beneath the surface.

I do think that some of the examples are a bit overblown. I expect Katie's liberal tendencies to make their appearance , um, frequently. However, there are some fairly egregious statements. Check it out for yourself.

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April 04, 2006

Dewey beats Truman. Again

Looks like Amazon.com employs some rabid UCLA fans.

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Get your new bathing suits here!

And they're specifically for men. Check out the images below the fold: more...

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A bit of sanity in an insane world

An Op-Ed in today's Washington Times. Excerpt:

We reprint this false alarm not to suggest that the current arguments about global warming are wrong. We don't know them to be right or wrong; there is too much scientific uncertainty clouding the issue. Rather, we simply wish to point out that scientists and the journalists and government agencies who cite them have been wrong on the subject of climate change before, quite recently in fact.

The judgment of the scientific community -- much less the judgment of international political entities or scribblers who cite them as authorities -- should not control this debate. "The science is settled," say the proponents; the consensus exists. But too often the disclaimers and scientific qualifiers get edited out of those press releases. And science is not about consensus in any event. It is about testing hypotheses and building evidence through experimentation.

No shit.

Update: Related links found at the Corner: here and here.

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April 03, 2006

This week's sign that the Apocalypse is upon us

I give you the newest Linux OS: BarbieOS 0.99. Excerpt:

Making a bid for a piece of the emerging desktop Linux market, Mattel, Inc. announced the immediate availability of downloadable beta ISOs for BarbieOS 0.99, and said it hoped the final 1.0 retail version would be on store shelves in time for Christmas. The new OS was created by Mattel to power the upcoming revision of its popular B-Book line of laptops for girls between the ages of four and eleven. The original B-Book laptop, which ran a modified version of PalmOS, was a huge hit with consumers last holiday season, so much so that many stores had trouble keeping them in stock. This year, Mattel is upping the ante by making the B-Book into a full-fledged desktop replacement targeted specifically at toddler through preteen girls who are currently Windows users but may be seeking alternatives, possibly due to increasing licensing fees or out of a desire to break free of vendor lock-in.

BarbieOS, based on Debian Linux, had been in private beta for more than six months prior to yesterday's public release. Initial reaction to the company's announcement has been mixed, as some analysts have claimed that the desktop Linuxmarket is already over-saturated given its current size, as other major players such as Lycoris Desktop/LX, Xandros Linux, and LindowsOS are already competing for the rather small percentage of home desktop users willing to try a non-Microsoft OS. Still, Mattel says it is confident of the potential of BarbieOS 1.0 to find a niche market of young girls under thirteen who are dissatisfied with current Microsoft offerings and are looking toward maybe asking mom and dad for a full-powered Linux laptop running BarbieOS this Christmas.

Found via Slashdot.

Open the extended entry for more information:

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April 02, 2006

Quote of the day

And it's from Jeff Goldstein:

To which I say, listen, honey: I’m really sorry nobody invited you to the prom—which I’m certain is the source of this kind of laughable projection.

But looking back, can you really blame them? I mean, what guy in his right mind would want to spend the wee hours of the morning having some bitter, long-suffering ideologue read Gertrude Stein to him while his rented-tux tucked erection (already dubious, given the company) is folding up tent and trying to make a run for his own asshole?

You have no one to blame but yourself for those lonely lunch table days, Amanda. You are foul, mean, and your commentary is cookie cutter feminist boilerplate. The fact that you mix in a lot of profanity to shock people doesn’t make you edgy. It makes you look pathetic and needy.

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