I noticed that Stephen Green seemed to be suffering from a bit of ennui when I started reading this article at Vodkapundit. Then I saw the following tidbit down near the bottom:

And here's where I buried the lede, way deep: Melissa is pregnant. She's due in December. We have a tiny little vodkaswiller on the way, to be delivered undoubtedly by a schnockered stork.

So if I'm still not thrilled with blogging, it's for damn sure I'm thrilled about something.

I'm going to be a daddy.

I can't wait.

Congratulations, Stephen. Your life is about to change in ways you can only dimly imagine, and they're all good.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 05:53 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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I received the following set of images via email. Should such a woman ever darken your door, my advice is for you to run. Fast.

Click on the extended link to see more. more...

Posted by: Physics Geek at 05:01 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Of course I missed this. Of course I did. Bah!

Posted by: Physics Geek at 04:53 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of four.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You go home after a long day at work, you still answer the phone in a business manner.

7. You make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "9" to get an outside line.

8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.

10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.

11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.

12. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

13. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

14. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

15. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

16. You start tilting your head sideways to smile.

17. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

18. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

19. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

20. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 02:36 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Stephen Beaumont offers up some of his random thoughts about beer. Excerpt:

Aftertaste in beer is not a bad thing, it's good. For that matter, so is taste.

You can't crown yourself king of something. That's known as a dictatorship.

Spices, fruit, wood-ageing, quintuple fermentation with multiple strains of yeast: It's all good. Go for it. But try to bear in mind, please, that at the end of the day somebody's got to drink the stuff.

Fruit beer needs to tastes like beer flavoured with fruit. Not vaguely alcoholic-tasting fruit juice.

Needing to be 21 years old to drink makes about as much sense as needing to be 21 to eat chocolate. Both substances are benign if consumed responsibly.

There's more, if you're interested.

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Everyone is familiar with the phrase "beer goggle". For some of you this is a painful memory. Turns out that just thinking about beer can make a hand grenade appear more like a 10. Ugh. Excerpt:

New research indicates that the mere suggestion of alcohol may act as an aphrodisiac. "What is most surprising is that mere expectancy can influence perception," said Markus Denzler, of the International University Bremen, Germany, and a co-author of the research report.
...
The researchers first questioned the men about how they felt alcohol affected their libido, and then presented them with rapidly flashing words and jumbled letters on a computer screen. One group was exposed to cue words that suggested alcohol, including beer, whisky, martini and malt; the other, control group was exposed to words such as smoothie, espresso and ice.

The men then rated 21 female high-school graduation photos on a scale of 1 to 9 in terms of attractiveness. The men who expected alcohol to boost their libido rated photos more favourably after subconsciously viewing alcohol cue words.

DANGER WILL ROBINSON! DANGER! DANGER!

Posted by: Physics Geek at 02:29 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Found the headline pair of the year so far in the Best of the Web:

Business Advice From the New York Times

"Wal-Mart critics often note that corporations like Ford and G.M. led a race to the top, providing high wages and generous benefits that other companies emulated. They ask why Wal-Mart, with some $10 billion in profit on about $288 billion in revenue last year, cannot act similarly."--New York Times, May 4

"Standard & Poor's Ratings Services cut its corporate credit ratings to junk status for both General Motors Corp. (GM) and Ford Motor Co. (F). . . . The decision by one of the nation's most respected ratings agencies comes as the two iconic American automakers are losing market share at home to Asian automakers, seeing sales soften for their most profitable models and are facing enormous health care and post-retirement liabilities."--Associated Press, May 5

Posted by: Physics Geek at 02:16 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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It's been a looonnngg while since I've posted a linkfest. Funny how having a second child keeps me busy when I'm at home. Anyway, here goes something:

After reading this short post from Michele, I started wondering how many freaks will come out of the woodwork on June 6 next year.

This week's sign that the Apocalypse is upon us: Baby Got Books. Blame Ace, not me. Oh, and Ace also provides more evidence that Bill Mahrer is steaming pile of pigshit. Not that you didn't know that already. And no offense to pigs, of course.

Anyone can create a sculpture out of marble. You know, chip off a piece here and there until it looks like a cow having an orgasm or something. Harvey points me towards some people with real freaking talent: they build sculptures out of sand. Check out this one.

Claire Wolfe links to a study that proves, uh, beats me. Think I'll go watch some cartoons.

Is "Weird" Al gearing up for another presidential run? Kevin at Wizbang isn't sure. Maybe he's just inventing his next technological marvel. Sure, he created the Internet and all, but what has he done for us lately?

Andrea Harris doesn't think much of the rules that supposedly define blogs. Excerpt:

"Blog" is short for "web log," which term derives from regular record books or "logs," which are a form of journal or diary, and must have at minimum some sort of separation indicator (like a date, usually but not necessarily a permalink) between separate posts, and old posts must be archived in some fashion. Most blogs use some sort of software that enables the user to automatically update and archive his entries; others handcode their sites. But the idea that everyone must uniformly add gewgaws like counters and links to offsite databases that will only slow down their sites and clutter them up with distracting items in order for their sites to be considered a "real blog" is ridiculous, like saying a vehicle without an expensive stereo system and so on is not really a car.

Look up the word "douchebag" in the encyylopedia and I'll bet this guy's picture is there. Excerpt:

That's one reason why Avner is leaving the tiny East County community where he has lived for six years and moving to Washington state. There's not much demand in San Diego County for a computer and electronics technician with tattooed stripes on his face and fangs in his mouth.

No shit. Thanks to Mean Mr. Mustard 2.0 for finding the link.

Word of the day is Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia, found via The Corner. Definition? Fear of the number 666.

I have no comment on the article Annie links to in this post. Wait, I do: ugh.

Mike links to a story that proves yet again that Pat Robertson is big, fucking joke.

The Donovan offers a WWI era poem as a caption for an image on his site. Quite moving, unless your heart is made of stone.

Darren refers to a story of a guy who lived with a bullet in his head. For 17 years. That's NOT using your head.

Graumagus links to a cartoon that, were I to laugh at with my wife nearby, would make the living room couch my new bed. Mheh.

You know why I read blogs? Sometimes it's for the people you meet online. Sometimes it's for the humor and ranting. The rest of the time it's because the quality of writing is simply incredible. Go read. Now.

Those of us on the conservative side of the political fence have our own assholes to deal. Thanks, guys. You'v provided an early campaign topic for the Democrats in 2006 ad infinitum. Link via Hog On Ice.

And a double shot from Hog On Ice, mainly because he says what I(and every other red-blooded American) has been thinking:

What is it with Paula Abdul? Most women fall apart in their senior year of college. The rest get immensely fat right after their weddings. Or were ugly to begin with. But Paula looks better at 42 than she did at 30. And that little-girl voice...I'd make her put on a frilly dress and lace panties and patent-leather pumps and talk dirty to me while sucking a giant lollipop. And she's been a bad little girl, so she needs to have her bare bottom spanked.

Moxie writes an open letter to Jennifer, that little dipshit who ran out on her wedding and then inadvertently sicced the police and FBI on her fiance by claiming to have been kidnapped. Good thing she didn't actually die or he'd be facing murder one charges. Excerpt:

HereÂ’s what you should have considered: three years after skipping out on your wedding you will be alone on Christmas, eating Chinese food out of the container with a plastic spork. Your 10 cats will be milling around hungry at your feet. You will kick them away and call all your married girlfriends who will be too busy with their kids and husbands. Maybe you will have one or two divorced girlfriends to commiserate with and wonder why you are still single at 37.

Call ME. I will tell you why. In fact, IÂ’ll tell you why right now. YouÂ’re an idiot.

Spoons provides more evidence that the gene pool is in serious need of chlorination. Clarence Stowers is complete and total dick.

More from the zero intelligence front courtesy of Kelley.

Okay, I'm done. There just aren't enough hours in the day.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 03:15 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Kelley is back and blogging up a storm. Yay! I have to admit that I had stopped checking her site because it depressed me to see the blank, all-posts-rolled-off front page. Not so blank now, though.

Welcome back, Kelley. You've been missed.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 07:12 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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I swear to God, today is the day that I should have skipped reading Harvey's blog. Could be the most asstastic meme, ever. Or at least since the last one I started, but that's another story. Anyway, nothing really gets my creative juices going like the phrase "turd in a punchbowl". Here goes nothing(with many, many apologies to Dylan Thomas):

Do not drop gently into that punchbowl,
Smelly turds should burn and stink at close of day;
Rage, rage against the stinky Tootsie roll.

Though diarrhetic men on their pots create stuff so foul,
Because their bowels had expelled much odor they
Do not drop turds into that punchbowl.

Constipated men, as they waddle by, cry from their souls
That their tight bottoms might have purged on the way,
Rage, rage against the stinky, stinky bole.

Hungover men who caught in the painful light of Sol,
And grimace, too much, with faces like whey,
Do not drop turds into that punchbowl.

Running men, near race end, who plod on their soles
Find port-a-potties to stop them on their way,
Rage, rage against the stinky Tootsie roll.

And you, my father, there on the toilet bowl,
Curse and fart at me now with your fierce excretions, I pray.
Do not drop turds into that punchbowl.
Rage, rage against the stinky Tootsie roll.

Okay, I used a little creative license on the phrase of choice. Sue me.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 04:19 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Yeah, I know, "jump the shark" has jumped the shark. Anyway, it appears that the most used search engine on the planet will start to give preference to the big media types such as CNN and MSNBC. Excerpt:

The largest search engine on the Internet has plans to join the media elite – giving preference to such establishment news agencies as CNN and the BBC in searches over new independent media enterprises.

As Google explains it, the rankings will be "according to quality rather than simply the date and relevance to search terms."
...
Currently, the company's search engine responds with thousands of "hits" in response to simple entries such as "Iraq," which lead to news websites. These are ranked either in order of relevance or by date, so that the most recent or most focused appear at the top of the huge list.

"This means that articles carrying more authority, say from CNN or the BBC, can be ousted from the first page of results, simply because they are not as recent or as relevant to the keyword entered in the search line," explains a news account in the New Scientist. "Now, Google, whose name has become synonymous with Internet searching, plans to build a database that will compare the track record and credibility of all news sources around the world, and adjust the ranking of any search results accordingly."

In other words, Google is going to be making value judgments about which news organizations are more credible.

Gee, who wants to bet that CBS and Dan Rather would be judged more credible than LGF or Powerline?

I think I'll stick with A9 as my search engine of choice.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 03:41 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I don't know how I missed this contest until now, but I think everyone should enter. More to the point, enter MY name. The more entries I have, the better. The prize:

Trip for two includes:

4 days and 3 nights in London, England

Coach airfare from U.S. to London, England

Hotel Accommodations at The Sanctuary House (based on double-occupancy)

FullerÂ’s Brewery Tour and Pub Crawl

£1,000 shopping spree

The only caveat is that you have to complete your travel by December 31, 2005. Oh, and entries must be received by May 16, 2005, so get cracking.

Update: Don't forget to enter the Sapporo Cherry Blossom Festival Sweepstakes. Prize: An 8-day/7-night trip for two adults to Tokyo, Japan to celebrate the annual Cherry Blossom Festival between April 1-30, 2006.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 07:32 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Two wiseguys go into a country pub, they call the landlord over and ask him to settle an argument. "Are there two pints in a quart, or four?" asked one.
"There are two pints in a quart" confirmed the landlord.

They moved along the bar to where the barmaid was and she asked for their order. "Two pints please Miss, and they are on the house."

When the barmaid appeared to doubt her boss would dispense free beer, one of the lads called out to the publican at the other end of the bar: "You did say two pints, didn't you?"

"That's right," called the landlord, "Two pints."

----------------------------------------------------------

Top Ten Signs You've Purchased A Bad Beer

10. TV Ads Begin "From the sparkling waters of Lake Erie ..."

9. The second you take a sip, your liver explodes

8. For some reason, it's sold in the detergent aisle

7. It was actually brewed by Penny Marshall and Cindy Williams

6. Instead of a wagon pulled by Clydesdales, beer company has a wheelbarrow pushed by a doped-up monkey

5. The company isn't running any sort of sweepstakes, but the underside of the bottle caps all say "Sorry"

4. Tastes more like a mountain goat than a mountain stream

3. Picture on label is of a guy throwing up

2. Your girlfriend announces she's leaving you for Billy Dee Williams

1. When you crack a couple open on a fishing trip and say, "It doesn't get any better than this," your buddies kill themselves

Want more? Then go here.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 07:18 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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I've just added Hatrack River, the official website for Orson Scott Card. Why? A couple of reasons:

1) Ender's Game is a tremendous novel. I absolutely loved it. And more importantly

2) Card lives in my old hometown, the place where I grew up: Greensboro, NC.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 05:37 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Orson Scott Card has another column out at The Ornery American. He offers some pretty sage advice. Excerpt:

So much of parenting is about guilt.

We of my generation were raised by anxious, guilt-ridden parents. They grew up in the Depression and lived through World War II. They knew what it was to be poor, to be broke, to be hungry; they knew better than to ask their parents for a thing, because there was no money.

Their idea of a date was to take the streetcar to get an ice cream. Their idea of a party was to stand around a piano and sing the latest hit songs together. Their idea of a great Christmas present was a jacket that hadn't been worn by an older sibling.

And they were grimly determined that their children would lack for nothing.

So we -- their spoiled baby-boom children -- grew up with a weird combination of being spoiled rotten while being made to feel guilty about it.

"Eat this huge plate of food. Children are starving in China."

"What do you mean you don't like hot cereal? When I was a kid I went without breakfast and hot cereal was a luxury."

"You better enjoy this vacation in Disneyland. Your father had to work two weeks to pay for it."

"You're whining because you have the best health care money can buy? When I was a kid with a toothache, my dad just pulled it out because we couldn't afford a dentist."

"Look at our big new color television! When we were kids, we had to sit and look at the walls and hum, because we couldn't even afford a radio."

Free Spirits

So when we of the Baby Boom generation got married, we were determined (a) to make sure our kids had every single thing their hearts could conceive of desiring (because we felt so guilty) and to make sure they never felt bad about having it (because we hated feeling so guilty).

Weren't we the love generation? Our children would know nothing but peace and love. We would take their side in every dispute at school. We would never make them follow silly rules. We would never say, "Because I said so!"

They would be free spirits!

OK, well, now they are. And it's terrifying, isn't it? Our kids go out there and we don't know where they're going, what they're doing, whom they're with, when they'll get back, and whether they'll get pregnant, get date-raped, pick up some hideous incurable disease, o.d. on drugs, or get killed in a gang-related shooting.

Well worth reading the rest.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 05:13 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Anyone that knows me personally can attest to the fact that I hate chain emails. My family and friends know better than to send such drivel. Should I actually receive any such garbage, I do the following: if the email is funny, interesting, or just plain twisted, I gladly forward it to people(blind copied, of course), removing all of the "please forward to 10 people so that blah blah blah". Most times I just delete it. However, I finally received one that's worthy of publishing. It's rude, crude and socially unacceptable, just like me. If you're easily offended, skip the rest of this post and go over to a kinder, gentler site like the Emperor's.

===========================================================

Please read this before you delete this... if you're tired of internet chain letters, you'll get a kick out of this!

FINALLY A CHAIN LETTER THAT I LIKE!

Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not Forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the traveling freak show. Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send "his" email to $1000? How stupid are you? Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every Playboy model in the magazine! What a bunch of bullshit. So basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2010, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.

Fuck them.

If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a Nickel from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times. I don't fucking care.

Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity.

THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:

Chain Letter Type 1:

(scroll down)

Make a wish!!!

No, really, go on and make one!!!

Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!

Wish something else!!!

Not that, you pervert!!

Is your finger getting tired yet?

STOP!!!!

Wasn't that fun?

Hope you made a great wish

Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!!

Really!!! Here's how it goes:

*Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.

*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.

*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life.

*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your house.

Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
-------------------------------------------------------
Chain Letter Type 2

Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund.

Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the emails sent and
this is all a complete load of bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly.

Thanks again!!
-------------------------------------------------------
Chain Letter Type 3

Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many sad pricks with nothing better to do.

So this is how it works:

Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:

*Bizarre Horror Story #1

Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently
received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of poopie, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!

*Bizarre Horror Story #2

Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went to hell and were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity. This Could Happen To You Too!!! Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay.
-------------------------------------------------------
Chain Letter Type 4

As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your friends.

FRIENDS

A friend is someone who is always at your side, A friend is someone who likes you even though you stink of shit, and your breath smells like you've been eating catfood, A friend is someone who likes you even though you're as ugly as a hat full of assholes, A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself, A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your sad, sad life, A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should be raped by mad goats, then thrown to vicious dogs, A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English...

* no, sorry that's the cleaning lady,

A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his wish of being rich to come true.

Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never have sex ever again.
--------------------------------------------------------
The point being?

If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years, whose only savior is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like Miranda.

Right?

Now forward this to everyone that you know otherwise you'll find all your knickers missing tomorrow morning.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 02:43 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Then check out this site, which is just chock full of vintage arcade games. Brings back memories of my days as a vidiot. No Missile Command, though. The bastards.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 02:07 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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1 i hate you. i need to write. arrgh.

Posted by: caltechgirl at May 04, 2005 02:36 PM (EtZVy)

2 ::cue Evil Laughter:: BUAHAHAHAHA! All your minutes are belong to us.

Posted by: physics geek at May 04, 2005 02:53 PM (Xvrs7)

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Link stolen shamelessly from the Puppy Blender.

Be certain to check out the MuNu blogs in the drop-down menu.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 09:54 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Mindles H. Dreck explains it well. I'm tired of trying to explain the Ponzi scheme known as SSN to people who take pride in being willfully ignorant. Besides, he has all those pretty pictures to go along with his discussion.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 09:39 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Who's afraid of outsourcing when jobs like this are to be found?

Posted by: Physics Geek at 08:54 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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