February 22, 2005

Presidential hangman

I did pretty well at this game. One that I did miss, though, was John Kennedy. I don't know why.

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Words fail me

Saw the following over at the Corner. The last line must be seen to be believed. Even then, it's a stretch.

Comedy Central's "The Daily Show" on "'Fact' Obsessed Bloggers" (4 1/2 minute multimedia clip with a required ad to view first, works poorly on dial up connections). Partial transcript:

Stephen Colbert, Senior Media Correspondent: "I draw the line with these 'attack bloggers.' Just someone with a computer who gathers, collates and publishes accurate information that is then read by the general public. They have no credibility. All they have is facts. Spare me."

Found via the Corner.

And yes, I probably it's probably tongue-in-cheek, at least on the Daily Show. However, it sounds far too similar to what I'm hearing from some of the MSM types.

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Words you don't hear every day

A city wastewater utility worker recovered the penis from a toilet down which the woman had flushed it.

No mention of whether or not the Lorena Bobbit shrine had candles burning in it at the time.

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Just because I haven't pissed off enough people today

I've carried the following list around for more than a decade since I first saw in on an old BBS, maybe alt. humor. Probably been around longer than that. Anyhoo, here goes:

45 Reasons Why Coffee Is Better Than Women

1. You don't have to put cream in your coffee to make it taste good.

2. Coffee doesn't complain when you've put whipped cream in it.

3. Coffee looks better in the morning.

4. You won't fall asleep after a cup of coffee.

5. You can always warm coffee up.

6. Coffee comes with endless refills.

7. Coffee is cheaper.

8. You won't get arrested for ordering coffee at 3 AM.

9. Coffee never runs out.

10. Coffee is out of your system by tomorrow morning.

11. You can take black coffee home to meet your parents.

12. You can make coffee as sweet as you want.

13. You can smoke while drinking coffee.

14. You can put out a cigarette in a cup of coffee.

15. Coffee smells and tastes good.

16. You don't have to put vinegar in your coffee.

17. If your coffee pot leaks, you can use a regular paper towel.

18. You can always get fresh coffee.

19. You can turn the pot on, leave the room, and it will be hot when you
get back.

20. They sell coffee at police stations.

21. You can always ditch a bad cup of coffee.

22. Coffee goes down easier.

23. If you put chocolate in your coffee, it doesn't put on weight.

24. No matter how ugly you are, you can always get a cup of coffee.

25. A big cup or a small cup? It doesn't matter.

26. Your coffee doesn't talk to you.

27. Coffee smells good in the morning.

28. Coffee smells good when it's cold too.

29. Coffee stains are easier to remove.

30. Coffee doesn't care when you dunk things in it.

31. Coffee doesn't care what kind of mood you're in.

32. Coffee doesn't shed.

33. Coffee is ready in 15 minutes or less.

34. You can't get a cup of coffee pregnant by putting cream in it.

35. Coffee doesn't mind being ground.

36. No matter how bad coffee is, you can always make it better.

37. Coffee doesn't have a time of the month...it's good all the time.

38. When coffee gets old, you can throw it away.

39. When you have a coffee, you don't end up with a pube in the back of
your throat.

40. Coffee doesn't take up half of your bed.

41. Coffee doesn't mind if you wake up at 3 AM and decide to have a cup.


43. You can have an intelligent conversation with coffee.

44. It takes up to 2 weeks for coffee to grow mold.

45. Your coffee won't be jealous of a larger cup.

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February 18, 2005

Psst! Free nude pictures!

Now that I have your attention, Conservative Cat has assembled an all-purpose Carnival page, complete with fill in the blank submission form. He even lists the due dates and times for every Carnival. Now you're out of excuses. Submit. SUBMIT!!!

Thank Harvey for the link.

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Clarity of thought

Stumbled across this old speech by Michael Crichton this moring(with a little help from Neal Boortz) and thought that I'd post a few excerpts:

Now go read it all.

Update: I'm taking down the excerpts until/unless I receive permission to post them. I failed to notice the note at the bottom of the speech. While some might argue the Fair Use doctrine, and be entirely correct in their assertion, I have neither the time nor money to fight a copyright infringement lawsuit. I have submitted a request to post excerpts on this site.

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More yummy goodness

Your weekly roundup of culinary delights, the Carnival of the Recipes, is baking Inside Allan's Mind. And I forgot to submit a &*($%&*$ recipe this week. Again. Anyway, go and enjoy gustatory delights.

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February 17, 2005

This is so wrong

And I giggled through the whole, craptastic thing. Star Wars Episode IV as a filthy, disgusting, flash-enabled "movie".

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Our prayers are with them

Drake Esmay is in the hospital with pneumonia. Those of you that pray, do so. Those that don't, stop by and offer your best wishes to both Dean and Rosemary.

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Crappy jokes of the day

Received via email:

Famous moms

"I don't care where you think you have to go, young man, midnight is
past your curfew."

"After all that money your father and I spent on braces, that's the
biggest smile you can give us?"

"I don't care what you've discovered, you still could have

"Can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea
how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?"

"All right, if you aren't hiding your report card inside your jacket,
take your hand out of there and show me."

"Again with the stovepipe hat? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like
the other kids?"

"I'm not upset that your lamb followed you to school, but I would like
to know how he got a better grade than you."

"But it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair?
Styling gel, mousse, something . . .?"

"The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can
kiss your allowance good-bye!"

"That's a nice story. Now tell me where you've really been for the
last three days."

"Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb.
Now turn it off and get to bed."

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Pamela Anderson in nude, anti-fur campaign

No additional commentary needed. Image below the fold. more...

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New scientific breakthrough

I wonder what the grant application looked like

Scientists now know what smell female cockroaches use to entice males. Uh, why exactly does anyone care? Some will mention the potential use as a pesticide. I think they're lying; it's about the love that really should not speak its name.

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Ready to pump you up

No sexual innuendos, Harvey. Russell Wardlow posted a link about self-resistance training. If the isometric stuff looks familiar, it should. The old "Look Like Charles Atlas!" ads in comics used to push this type of training to prevent bullies from kicking sand in your face. I never understood the message because all self-respecting bullies in my day carried firearms. Getting close enough to punch them in the kisser wasn't a viable option. Anyhoo, body-weight strength training has been around a long time and can be pretty effective. Like anything else, it involves discipline and commitment.

I wonder what the Alliance fitness instructor thinks about this type of exercise?

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In a battle of wits

It's a pity that Susan Estrich is unarmed

Check out the drubbing that Michael Kinsley and Charlotte Allen inflict on Susan Estrich, metaphorically speaking, of course. Susan's screechy diatribe is reprinted in its full glory. A couple of excerpts:

[Michael Kinsley]

She is right that we should have more women writing for our op-ed page, and she is right that I am bad about answering e-mail, although she is wrong to think that this bad habit is gender-specific. What seems to have popped her cork, however, is an article by a woman that we did run. I'm sorry that she has "never heard of" Charlotte Allen, but I think it may be possible to be a woman even if Susan Estrich has never heard of you. Even a member of the Independent Women's Forum can nevertheless be a woman, perhaps.

[Charlotte Allen]

That sounded to me like what the lawyers call a "non sequitur." After all, to paraphrase Sojourner Truth, I'm a woman, ain't I? And so is my fellow IWF Web-regular Cathy Seipp, who wrote one of the other articles in the package, "La Difference Isn't Rocket Science," making fun of the female MIT biologist who got an attack of the vapors when she heard Harvard's president point out that differences between male and female brains might have something to do with the supposed statistical underrepresentation of women in science. And so was the author of the third article and the two authors who collaborated on the fourth. That's five women on the front page of the Times opinion page. Where's the "discrimination"?

... "The article last Sunday was penned by a feminist-hater I have never heard of, nor probably have you, by the name of Charlotte Allen. Her only book was about Jesus ... written eight years ago, and as far as I can tell what she does is to edit a blog for the Independent Women's Forum which is a group of right wing women who exist to get on TV and get in newspapers attacking the likes of us."

I think that translates into: Charlotte Allen is a nobody, whereas I am the great Susan Estrich.

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This week's sign that the Apocalypse is upon us

So Bugs Bunny will have superpowers now. What for? He ALWAYS won by just being Bugs Bunny, smartest hare-brained being in the universe. Anyway, here's the before and after photo:

Thanks to Jonah for the link.

Update: Looks like Michele agrees with me, albeit in a slightly more forceful way.

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Spun someone, you have not

Wuzzadem posts an interview between Bill O'Reilley and Yoda. Great stuff, but I believe it's been edited for time because I see no mention of "Spin Zone: The Flamethrower"; the kids just love that.

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February 16, 2005

This just in...

Acidman found someone who has taken my favorite hobby and raised it to a whole new level. Looks like fun, but I'm betting the chief won't go for it at my house.

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Cast your vote

And yes, I already cast mine in Wizbang's latest strip-off between former teen pop tarts Debbie Gibson and Tiffany. When choosing, consider carefully whether or not you prefer your women blonde or red-haired. Your view on medically enhanced bodies versus au natural may color your point of view as well. Choose wisely.

Not sure whom to vote for? Kevin provided links, which I've copied below the fold. Some things are just too good not to share. more...

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A really cheap drunk

The central character in this story was convicted of drunk driving after consuming 3 glasses of Listerine. First of all, yuck. Second of all, if she really felt the need to get plastered, she should have chosen the drink preferred by lots of middle schoolers: vanilla extract. Trust me: it's got a lot of alcohol in it.

Maybe it's a gateway drug. Next thing you know, she'll be drinking Squeeze(Sterno).

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February 15, 2005

When your PC says "ACHOO!"

Lots of useful information if, like me, you're still mired in the wonderful world of Microsoft Windows(aka, the world's biggest computer virus).

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