January 21, 2005

Self treatment

Feeling horny? Too horny? Then have I got a deal for you! Just order the Ronco Self-Castration 5000™ ; apparently this guy did. Excerpt:

"The man obviously needs some sort of counseling," Reno police Lt. Ron Donnelly told the Reno Gazette-Journal.

No shit.

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Raising my blood pressure

If this story doesn't anger you, well, then you're an idiot. Four drug-addled hooligans assaulted some people and were driven off by a 63 year old man, who had the audacity to use a gun to defend himself, accidentally striking one of the criminals during the struggle. You know where this is going, don't you? The old guy was charged by the police and convicted of the use of inappropriate force; he also had to pay restitution to one of the shitheads that attacked him. For those people that think that we should be more like our European cousins, it looks like you're getting your wish.

Let me be clear on a few points:

1) I will consider it open season on delinquents if anyone attacks or otherwise threatens me or my family. There will be no weight limit.

2) Dead criminals will be unable to testify lie about me to hoodlum loving cops and judges. Just an FYI to any potential assailants

3) I'm a good shot. And I own a shovel.

You have been warned.

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No unicorns here

And no bias either. Sure. Here's Neal Boortz's take:

I heard about this on Brit Hume's Fox News Channel program last night, and got the rest of the information from Drudge. It seems that on Wednesday morning, the day before the Inauguration, ABC News posted a little announcement on its website. Here is what that announcement said:


For a possible Inauguration Day story on ABC News, we are trying to find out if there any military funerals for Iraq war casualties scheduled for Thursday, Jan. 20. If you know of a funeral and whether the family might be willing to talk to ABC News, please fill out the form below.

The blogger who first brought this bit to the blogosphere made an interesting comment. He said "that only the families of Iraqi war dead need apply. If a soldier died in Afghanistan, or aiding tsunami victims in Indonesia or Sri Lanka, or in a training exercise, never mind. That isn't the 'balance' ABC is looking for."

As soon as ABC realized that their little request was getting some publicity, it was pulled from their website. The intent was clear. ABC wanted to rain on Bush's parade with a gut-wrenching story about a soldier being buried on the day Bush was sworn in for his seconc term. Tell me there's no bias in the media.


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More yummy goodness

This week's Carnival of the Recipes is boiling over at Cal Tech Girl's place. She has the recipes alphabetized. Sort of. Go and check it out.

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Modern nursery rhymes

Updated over at Protein Wisdom. Sort of.

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January 20, 2005

This week's Carnival host is...

Caltechgirl. This has been your reminder. Now get those recipes in. Send them to recipe.carnival-at-gmail-dot-com. Do it now. NOW!!

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Crabmeat cheesecake

Have you ever eaten crab dip? Oh sure, it's tasty and all, but by and large, it isn't worth the effort involved to eat it. The stuff will drip off of the cracker or toast point onto your clothes, and even after you wipe it off, the grease stain remains. Forever. Kind of your own personal movable feast, albeit one that attracts lots of attention from the neighborhood cats. Anyway, I have an alternative to present: crabmeat cheesecake. You'll have to invest a little more time and effort than you would for the standard molten goo you call crab dip, but the result is worth it. Trust me, you'll never go back. Oh, and you'll need that springform pan again for this recipe. Remember: every kitchen must have one.
==============================================

Crust(?)
----------
2 T butter
3/4 c breadcrumbs
1/2 c grated parmesan

* Mix together press into bottom & sides of springform pan.

Filling
-------
1 med onion, finely chopped
4oz pimiento, finely chopped

* Sautee together and set aside.

1 lb 12oz cream cheese
4 eggs
3/4c cream
8oz swiss cheese, grated
1/2 t white pepper
1t salt
1lb fresh crabmeat

* Mix everything but crab together. Fold in the crab and pour into the crust. Bake in water bath @ 325 degree oven for 90 minutes, turn off the oven & let sit for 60min more in. If not firm bake additional 10-15min.


Posted by: Physics Geek at 08:50 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Talk about being hardup for a date

A robber breaks into sex shop, but apparently he wasn't looking for some cash: he wandered off with an inflatable doll.

Maybe he's just trying to decrease his latex allergy by using progessive desensitivation. Yeah, that's it.

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Merry ::snort:: Christmas

A Father Christmas statue made of pure cocaine. Words fail me.

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Responding to Senator Boxer

Senator, your dick is only this big. Pathetic.

Update: Rachel Lucas has similar thoughts.

Update: So does Pam.

Update: Harvey had a challenge out there, but I never saw it. It's just as well, since I failed miserably.

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For the women

And you thought your delivery was tough. Egads.

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Speaking of being behind on my blog reading

It looks like Kelley has decided to give up posting for a while; maybe forever. Bummer. She will be missed.

And yes, Harvey, I know she's got that thing in her head that will probably force her to start posting again someday. I'm just betting that it won't be soon.

Take care, Kelley. Hope to see you around again.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 05:37 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Esmay, the next generation

I got behind in my blog reading and didn't notice until just now that Dean and Rosemary had delivered their newest child. Stop by and congratulate them both.

Update: Pictures of little Draco can be found here.

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January 19, 2005

New computer virus(no joke)

Yes, Virginia, there is a Tsunami Virus.

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Cannibals

Received the following in an email recently:


Dan Rather, Jesse Jackson, Cokie Roberts from National Public Radio and a Marine were hiking through the jungle one day when they were captured by cannibals.

They were tied up, led to the village and brought before the chief. The chief said, "I am familiar with your western custom of granting the condemned a last wish. Before we kill and eat you, do you have any last requests?"

Dan Rather said, "Well, I'm a Texan; so I'd like one last bowlful hot, spicy chili." The chief nodded to an underling, who left and returned with the chili. Rather ate it all and said, "Now I can die content."

Jesse Jackson said, "You know, the thing in this life I am proudes of is my work on behalf of the poor and oppressed. So before I go, I want to sing "We Shall Overcome" one last time." The chief said, "Go right ahead, we're listening." Jackson sang the song, and then said, "Now I can die in peace."

Cokie Roberts said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end." The chief directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder, and
Roberts dictated some comments. She then said, "Now I can die happy."

The chief said, "And, Mr. Marine, what is your final wish?" "Kick me in the ass." said the Marine. "What?" said the chief.

"Will you mock us in your last hour?" "No, I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass." insisted the Marine. So the chief untied the Marine, shoved him into the open, and kicked him in the ass. The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9mm pistol from his waistband, and shot the chief dead. In the resulting confusion, he leapt to his haversack, pulled out an M16, and sprayed the cannibals with gunfire. In a flash, the cannibals were all dead or fleeing for their lives.

As the Marine was untying the others, they each asked him, "Why didn't you just shoot them? Why did you ask them to kick you in the ass?"

"What!?" said the Marine, "And have you assholes call ME the aggressor?!?"


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Dead woman to vote in election

And it isn't in Chicago.

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January 18, 2005

Refreshing

Michele always gives us her unvarnished opinion and today is no exception. It turns out that she decided to kick the black lung habit and is keeping a diary of all the mood swings associated with quitting. Excerpt:


I don't blame big tobacco or the government or Joe Camel for my addiction. The blame rests solely with me. I willingly picked up a habit I knew was destructive, costly and disgusting. And not just once. I quit and went back a few times, knowing full well what I was doing.

I don't blame McDonald's for my weight gain. I don't blame the makers of M&M's for my cavities. I don't blame my parents for my shortcomings. I don't blame Judas Priest for my crappy hearing. And I don't blame RJ Reynolds for my expensive, lung destroying habit.

Doesn't she realize that she's a helpless pawn of Big Tobacco? I guess the fact that she doesn't notice is just more proof that the conspiracy is working.

Anyway, kudos to her for finally kicking the habit. I remember when my mother quit; I was about 8 years old. She told me that she had started smoking back when she was 15 years old. Apparently my great aunt Margaret had dared her: "I bet that you can't smoke this cigarette." Of all the reasons to pick up the habit, the Dog Dare seems the most pathetic. She didn't even try for the Triple Dog Dare, which is a complete breach in etiquette. Or something.

My mother had tried numerous times to quit. Eventually, she'd just have to have one, and that would be that. Finally, though, she developed an allergy to cigarette smoke. This gave her the impetus she needed to stop for good.

Before you say anything, yes, even some people with asthma smoke. No offense, but those people are freaking idiots. I've seen a severe asthma attack; it's pretty damned scary. And the idea that someone would willingly force something into their lungs that might trigger an attack is insane. But hey, it's your life.

Smoking has never appealed to me. Back when I was a teenager, I remember sneaking a puff of a butt that my grandmother had left smoldering. No inhalation, just a little puff. I also remember the burning in my eyes and nose, concurrent with a coughing fit that I had to suppress so that I would be discovered. Never again would the idea of lighting up have any appeal to me.

A couple of years later, a friend of mine started smoking a pipe. It smelled pretty good and he offered to let me take a couple of puffs to see how I'd like it. He offered me the following warning:

"Be careful, though. It will leave an off taste in your mouth."

::gag:: It tasted like a cat had used my mouth as a litterbox. I tried brushing my teeth and gargling with mouthwash. I drank a 6-pack of Coke. Nothing removed the disgusting coating from my tongue except the passage of time. That experience also queered me on the idea of ever trying cigars. Pot, too. I'm a member of the small minority of people born since 1960 who have never tried marijuana, not even once. Remember: I'd have to willingly take smoke into my mouth and lungs. Uh no. I don't think so.

To me, it's all about the personal responsibility. Make your own decisions and live with the consequences. Regretting your choices is also an option. What isn't, though, is blaming someone else.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 09:32 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Things you don't see every day

And thank God for that. Chuck Shepherd continues his weekly foray into the morass of odd humanity. Excerpts:


In Durham, N.C., in December, gang member Robert D. Johnson was sentenced to 15 years in prison for shooting off the genitals of a fellow Blood who was trying to leave the group. The jury rejected an even harsher penalty, for "malicious castration," settling on "nonmalicious castration" because of evidence that Johnson actually shot the man in the leg but that the bullet just happened to exit his thigh and hit his penis. [Raleigh News and Observer-AP, 12-17-04]

...

Victoria Pettigrew started VIP Fibers three years ago in Morgan Hill, Calif., and according to a December 2004 report by the Knight Ridder News Service, has an enthusiastic clientele of pet owners who pay her to make specialty items (blankets, pillows, scarves) from their animals' hair ("Better yarn from your pet than a sheep you never met"). For example, client Bob Miller of Carmel, Calif., brought in enough collected sheddings of his golden retriever for a blanket, two couch pillows, a small teddy bear, a scarf and a picture frame. Pettigrew has also created items from the hair of cats, sheep, alpaca, bison, rabbits, hamsters, cows and horses. [Buffalo News-Knight Ridder, 12-31-04]


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Memo to Hardees

Your Mammoth Burger is a pussy. Denny's Beer Barrel Pub makes a 6-pound burger.

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Upgrade that PC

Until the middle of last year, I had been working on a 400 MHz computer since 1999. Finally, memory and processing constraints forced me to upgrade the system. I picked up a nice 1.8 GHz processor, motherboard and box for around $100, then added 512 Mb memory. I also got around to installing the 80 Gb hard drive that I'd picked up for a song 3 months before, but had been too lazy to install. Oh, and my mother bought me a high end video card for my birthday. Total cost(to me) for the upgrade: about $200-$250. Not too shabby.

Anyway, this article provides you with some risk/reward insight should you get the hankering to rev up your PC. Excerpt:

You can never be too rich, too smart, or have too much RAM--especially if you run Windows XP. Before you consider any other upgrade, make sure your system is packing at least 512MB of system RAM--and even more if you do things like play games or work with digital images and video. Unlike many upgrades, additional system RAM affects virtually every aspect of PC performance. Windows will load faster, applications will pop up quicker, and everything from gaming to media playback will run more smoothly.


The good news is, RAM is cheap. You can pick up a full gigabyte of fast DDR SDRAM for less than $200, and 512MB modules can be had for less than $100. The bad news? RAM is confusing. There are many types of system memory, from RAMBUS modules used in early Pentium 4 systems, to the DDR and DDR2 SDRAM favored in AMD systems and contemporary Pentium-based PCs. Check your documentation carefully to make sure the RAM you buy is a proper match for what's in your system. In fact, if you are adding RAM to what's already in your PC, it's a good idea to use memory from the same vendor so you can reduce the chance of a conflict.

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