September 15, 2004

This just in...

Here's a headline for you:

Dan Rather molests small furry animals!

Okay, that headline is obviously fake. However, the words are accurate because it reflects the thoughts of homeless psychotic wandering around the CBS headquarters. Time for the investigation to begin. Here are some questions:

1) How long have you been molesting squirrels?

2) Do you climb up the trees yourself or do you catch a ride on a cherry picker?

What do you mean, these aren't valid question? So the headline is fake. The story must be true because someone wants to believe it. Why won't Dan Rather answer these questions?

Note: Hey, the crap I just posted makes as much sense as this story in the NY Times.

Memos on Bush Are Fake but Accurate, Typist Says

I have to say, this story initially angered me. Now, I'm at the point where I just point and laugh. These freaks are deserving of scorn, but all I can muster is ridicule.

Update: Jonah makes a similar point, albeit much funnier:


Meanwhile, Dan Rather has dug in for dear life, ridiculing his critics and dismissing pretty much anyone who has eyes to see the truth as a "partisan," while the CBS front office continues to break off bits of it credibility like a man who feeds an alligator one body part at a time. A CBS spokeswoman told the Post: "In the end, the gist is that it's inconclusive. People are coming down on both sides, which is to be expected when you're dealing with copies of documents." Translation: We can't prove the source is true, but you can't prove it's not.

Well, since this is the new standard, I would like to announce my next column topic right now: Dan Rather has eaten fifteen German Shepherds in the last year alone and he considers himself the Warrior King of the planet Blarnack. I have just printed out documents that back up my story. It is for CBS to prove me wrong.

Update: Okay, it's not really an update; I'm just too damned lazy to make another post. Excerpt from Hugh Hewitt:

What did CBS miscalculate? Everything, including the impact of the blogosphere, and including the change that Florida 2000 brought about. Forgeries intended to influence the outcome of a presidential election, like the attempted suppression of the absentee ballots of the military in Florida by the Gore-Lieberman camp in December 2000, are outrages --outrages widely recognized and detested by Americans of routinely calm demeanor. These voters --casual watchers of politics, not ordinarily focused on the inside baseball stuff-- have had it with Terry McAuliffe, Michael Moore, Howard Dean and now Dan Rather. Maybe some of them weren't sold on Bush, but now they are. Disgust is a powerful thing, and CBS has disgusted the center. It is important that this network be humbled so that no network in the future is tempted to pull a similar stunt.

One final thought: I found this comment in this post by Ace:

CBS: These documents are fake, but it doesn't matter, the stuff about Bush is true anyway.

Public: How do you know it's true?

CBS: These documents say so.

Public: But they're forgeries.

CBS: Maybe they are forgeries, but it doesn't matter, the stuff about Bush is true anyway.

Rinse. Repeat.

Final update: Found this over at Lucianne.com:

CBS Now Says Announcement Will Be Made at 5:00 p.m.
Sources: Will admit docs are false but content is not

Are you motherf***ing kidding me?!

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September 14, 2004

The way things ought to be

Here's the Sullivan that I came to know and respect over the years. He launches a broadside against CBS and Dan Rather. Then again, who hasn't? Excerpt:

Rather can blather all he wants about the political motivation of some in the blogosphere--but what matters is not bias but accuracy. His attitude, moreover, has bordered on the contemptuous; and the blogosphere has chewed him up and spat him out. He has acted as if journalism is a privilege rather than a process; as if his long career makes his critics illegitimate; as if his good motives can make up for bad material. The original mistake was not a firable offense. But the digging in surely is. It seems to me that when a news anchor presents false information and then tries to cover up and deny his errors, he has ceased to be a journalist. I'd like to say that Dan Rather needs to resign from his profession. But, judging from the last few days, he already has.

Update: Turns out that the Puppy Blender beat me to the punch. That almost never happens!

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The things I miss

My wife and I are expecting child #2 any day now, which takes up a ton of my time right now. Yeah, yeah, that's not going to become a smaller issue once Heir, the Sequel, shows up. Anyway, I've also been busy reading all of the Dan Rather meltdown crap. Combine that with baby preparations and I just haven't kept up with all of my favorite bloggers. Such as this one, who has just hit the big time. Congratulations, Kelley.

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What are these forged documents of which you speak?

Jonah posted the following exchange from one of his emails:

Imagine this press conference:

GW Bush: "We found WMD in Iraq. All of our critics have been completely discredited"
Media: Can we see them?

GW - No. you'll just have to take my word for it. We have experts to prove their authenticity.

Media: Can we talk to the experts? Can we interview the people who found the weapons?

Gw: NO. And the mere fact that you are asking these questions proves that you are partisan rumor mongers. End of story. case closed.

Rather funny, wouldn't you say?

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Out of the woodwork

I figured that Michele wouldn't be able to hold back during Dan Rather's continuing meltdown. Turns out that I was right. I guess that some things are just too good to ignore. Whether or not this is resumption of continued posting doesn't matter. What does matter is that a new post is up. Woo hoo!

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If condoms had sponsors

From an email chain older than the 60 Minutes II documents:

If condoms had sponsors, you might find them packaged like these:


connike.jpgconmc.jpg

conchevy.jpgconpring.jpg

conkfc.jpgconmam.jpg

conbounty.jpgconenerg.jpg

Sad! Very, very sad....................

contap.gifTHERE'S A LOT OF SADNESS IN THE WORLD.
Right now, as you read this,
17 Million Americans are having SEX!
And you're on the computer

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September 13, 2004

"I fart in your general direction..."

Hey, it might work as well as any of these lame ideas.

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Californians are now officially less free

Neo-fascistic dictator of the People's Republic of Kah-lee-for-nee-uh has now signed a bill that outlaws sex with dead people. And no, I'm not making this up. Excerpt:

The new legislation marks the culmination of a two-year drive to outlaw necrophilia in the state and will help prosecutors who have been stymied by the lack of an official ban on the practice, according to experts.

The fact that prosecutors felt they needed this law really, really bothers me.

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Ignoring the first rule of holes

Dan Rather probably needs a team of physicians and all of the King's men to extract his head from his ass. The head honchos at CBS, though, had better be typing up a retraction right now or their "news" broadcast will supplant the fiction writers over at Dateline as the National Enquirer of television. To be fair to the National Enquirer, it does have boast the best(or close to it) circulation in the US. I doubt that CBS has enough viewers to rank that high.

Update: Donald Sensing has the goods on Forgeries, Inc..

Update: Jeff Goldstein risk being sucked into the black hole and interviews Dan Rather's ego.

Update: Mark Steyn weighs in. Excerpt:


Unfortunately for CBS, Dan Rather's hairdresser sucks up so much of the budget that there was nothing left for any fact-checking, so the ''60 Minutes'' crew rushed on air with a damning National Guard memo conveniently called ''CYA'' that Bush's commanding officer had written to himself 32 years ago. ''This was too hot not to push,'' one producer told the American Spectator. Hundreds of living Swiftvets who've signed affidavits and are prepared to testify on camera -- that's way too cold to push; we'd want to fact-check that one thoroughly, till, say, midway through John Kerry's second term. But a handful of memos by one dead guy slipped to us by a Kerry campaign operative -- that meets ''basic standards'' and we gotta get it out there right away.

The only problem was the memo. Amazingly, this guy at the Air National Guard base, Lt. Col. Killian, had the only typewriter in Texas in 1973 using a prototype version of the default letter writing program of Microsoft Word, complete with the tiny little superscript thingy that automatically changes July 4th to July 4th. To do that on most 1973 typewriters, you had to unscrew the keys, grab a hammer and give them a couple of thwacks to make the ''t'' and ''h'' squish up all tiny, and even think it looked a bit wonky. You'd think having such a unique typewriter Killian would have used a less easily traceable model for his devastating ''CYA'' memo. Also, he might have chosen a font other than Times New Roman, designed for the Times of London in the 1930s and not licensed to Microsoft by Rupert Murdoch (the Times' owner) until the 1980s.

Killian is no longer around to confirm his extraordinary Magic Typewriter, but his son denied the stuff was written by his dad, and his widow said her late husband never typed. So, on the one hand, we have hundreds of living veterans with chapter and verse on Kerry's fantasy Christmas in Cambodia, and, on the other hand, we have a guy who's been dead 20 years but is still capable of operating Windows XP.

Ooh, that's going to leave a mark.

One final update: Professor Hewitt makes the following observation:

The verdict is already in. Dan Rather, at the twiligiht of a long and less than glorious career and looking for one last big bang, got duped by second-rate forgeries, and took a lot of wannabee Woodwards over the cliff with him.

I lied. Here's one more. Excerpt:

In the court of public opinion, however, the process takes a little longer. For the time being, Rather and CBS News can continue to stonewall by ridiculing their critics as people in "pajamas" and dismissing the mounting evidence that they were duped into using forgeries. It doesn't matter. On the charge of violating the public's trust and refusing to set the record straight, the verdict is already in for Rather and CBS News: guilty.

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September 10, 2004

From the worth 1000 words category...

Comes the following graphic of Hurricane Ivan's path. Thanks to Neal Boortz for providing the image.

hurricane ivan.JPG

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What's that sound I hear?

I know! It's the shredding of the last bit of integrity that CBS still had.

Getting Barnes on 60 minutes for a Bush expose: $1,000

Broadcasting documents that "prove" George Bush lied about his National Guard sevice: $100,000 **

Forcing Dan Rather to publicly apologize to the President for presenting forgeries on the air: priceless.

** I have no idea how much it costs to broadcast a 60 Minutes segment.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 03:02 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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He was mortified

A young preacher was asked by the local funeral director to hold a grave-side burial service at a small local cemetery for someone with no family or friends. The preacher started early but quickly got himself lost, making several wrong turns. Eventually, a half-hour late, he saw a backhoe and its crew, but the hearse was nowhere in sight, and the workmen were sitting to one side, eating lunch.

The diligent young pastor went to the open grave and found the vault lid already in place. Taking out his book, he read the service. Feeling guilty because of his tardiness, he preached an impassioned and lengthy service, sending the deceased to the great beyond in style. As he was returning to his car, he overheard one of the workmen say: "I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years and I ain't never seen anything like that."

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Friendship oath

Received via email:
----------------------------
1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad....

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you....

3. When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.....

4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get....

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and tell you to quit whining.... !

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.....

7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again, I don't want whatever you have.....

8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass...

This is my oath... I pledge till the end. Why, you may ask? Because you are my friend! And that's what friends do for each other.

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September 09, 2004

How to tell you're in the south

You know you are in the south when, as part of a bribe-you get:

United States Attorney John L. Brownlee announced today that 16 individuals and 6 companies were indicted by a federal Grand Jury sitting in Abingdon, Virginia, on charges of Racketeering (RICO), Conspiracy

These bribes are roughly divided as follows: $350,000 in cash; $40,000 in Coon Dogs; $15,000 in All Terrain Vehicles (ATV's); $40,000 in trucks; $60,000 in fraudulent land deals; and, $50,000 in assorted items, including the construction of a Coon Dog kennel; paying for Coon Dog hunting trips; firearms; truck motor; wide screen television with surround sound; men's and women's clothing; air conditioner; pressure washer; Washington Wizard tickets; University of Tennessee football tickets; NASCAR tickets; tires; building materials; and, personal services (including feeding Coon Dogs, cleaning out the excrement from Coon Dog kennels, mowing lawns, etc.).

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September 08, 2004

From the typewriter of Orson Scott Card

Card lives in my old hometown, Greensboro, North Carolina. I kind of wish he'd have been there before I moved away. I'd really like to chat with this guy over a beer. Anyway, his most recent column makes cogent observations. I can already hear the moonbats proclaiming that Card is no more a Democrat than Zell Miller. Hmmm, what to say. I know: blow me. The day that the Democrats as a party kick their freaks to the curb will be the day that I consider trusting them with sharp objects again. On to the excerpt:


Thus Hewitt calls for Americans -- not just Republicans, but all Americans who recognize that only the Republican Party shows the will or the wit to combat our terrorist enemies abroad -- to vote for Republicans all the way up and down the ballot.

Now, as a Democrat, what can I say to that except that, because my party has been taken over by an astonishingly self-destructive bunch of lunatics who are so dazzled by Hollywood that they think their ideas make sense, I have to agree that right now, any President but Bush and any Congress but a Republican-dominated one would be disastrous.

As a Democrat, I would hope that a solid trouncing of our fanatic-ruled party at the polls this November would serve as a wakeup call and remind Democrats that they only get to do the things that the Democrat Party exists to do if they get enough votes to control the White House and Congress. Which requires that you have serious candidates and embrace serious issues that most Americans, not just tiny pressure groups, care about.

And on that day, Democratic moderates can take the party back. And yes, Democratic moderates actually exist. They're all voting for Bush this year, but they'd rather have had a Democratic candidate to vote for.


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September 07, 2004

Steinbrenner can bite me

So Yankee fans, tell me why your organization is the best one in all of baseball. 'Cause this makes your team look like frightened bunch of dickheads. And don't squeal about the rules. You and I know that if the Red Sox were 10 games behind that this wouldn't even be an issue.

Okay, maybe it's not the team's fault. Proximity to the United Nations might be part of the problem.

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Insightful analysis

Graumagus provides an excellent commentary on the affect of hurricanes as they make landfall. Thanks to Harvey for pointing the way.

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This just in...

Local FBI warning In Pennsylvania!

The FBI has issued a warning in Lancaster County.
They suspect a terrorist may be hiding among
the Amish community.

See the attached photo provided the first clue that triggered the investigation:

View image

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September 03, 2004

"If she were the president she'd be..."

No, I'm not going to finish the Wayne's World quote. However, the JerseryGOP'ers seem to have figured out something the rest of us already knew.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 03:41 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Qupte of the day

Via Jeff Goldstein:

Choose wisely come November, people. For my part, I don’t think Teresa and her carefully groomed Boston Boy Toy need another house.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 02:52 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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