Vox's commentary today at WND is one that many women-and men- will find informative. Excerpt:

Fortunately, as we have not yet reached Nerdvana, there are a number of steps that a woman whose priority remains marriage and children can take in order to happily achieve those goals:

1) Don't engage in casual dating relationships after 18. They're fun, and they'll also prevent you from pursuing more fruitful relationships.
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3) Settle earlier rather than later. I can't tell you how many women I know who blew off good men in their late teens and early 20s who now regret doing so. Those who are not still single at 35 are now married to men generally considered to be of lower quality than the men they spurned before. Remember, your choices narrow as you get older, while men's choices broaden.
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4) Let everyone know that marriage and children is your ultimate goal. Too many women, fearing the wrath of the Sisterhood, secretly wish for them while publicly and piously professing feminist-approved cant to the contrary.
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6) Don't hesitate to end relationships that aren't leading toward marriage, or with men who are less than completely positive about the near-term prospect of children. If he hasn't proposed in 18 months, he has no intention of doing so. Cut your losses. Most men know how to string women along and know they'll have no problem replacing you when you finally call their bluff. Never confuse the masculine desire for conflict avoidance with malleability.
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Be brutal when assessing the men who are interested in you. Too many women make the mistake of looking only at a man's desirable traits and ignoring his weaknesses early on. But it's not the first kiss that matters – it's the happily-ever-after part. The way he treats others is the way he will eventually treat you.

Let me address the points that I listed above in order:

#1: Friends of mine at work used to ask me, "Why don't you ask her out? She's hot and has the hots for you[note: this didn't happen often]. When I replied that I didn't see any future in such a relationship. other guys would look at me like I'd lost my mine. What I would tell them is that a 2-year relationship that tanks when you're 25 is a learning experience. A similar failed relationship when you're past the age of 30 is a waste, a lost opportunity to notice when the right one comes along. Consequently, I only had 3 relationships after the age of 30, all serious, with the last one becoming the best one: my wife. If I'd been busy chasing skirts, I probably wouldn't noticed when the real deal came around.

#3: Lots of women I knew in their 20's would routinely dump guys that were handsome, had good jobs and treated them like queens, replacing them with ill-mannered cads with whom they had "good chemistry". These women are now in their late thirties, lamenting the lack of "good guys". It offends them when I point out that they dumped plenty of good guys early on, but really, boo effing hoo. When they look back on the emotional wasteland that their lives have become, they need to realize their part in the whole mess instead of whining.

#4: This is true for both men and women. Before I proposed to my wife, I knew that she wanted children as much as I did, which was a good thing. Women aren't the only ones who want children, and men better make certain that their prospective spouse is on the same page.

#6: I met this smart, funny, pretty woman when I was at the GABF this year. She'd been living with a guy for four years, and they'd been dating for almost seven. I told her that her boyfriend better upgrade from girlfriend 1.0 to fiance 1.0 pronto; I told him the same thing, too. He seemed a little pissed that I'd broken the guy code, but too bad. Maybe because he's in his twenties he doesn't realize how many men are actively looking for intelligent, funny, pretty women, with marriage as the end goal. He'd better wise up, though, because it's a seller's market for that type of woman. Someone with a better head on his shoulders will come along and steal his girlfriend away from him, at which point he'll be lamenting the lack of free milk because, you know, all women are bitches.

I know, I know: I've lost some guy cred here. Too bad.

#8: I've lost count of the number of times women have complained to me about their SO's. The reality is that many women still harbor the illusion that they can bend a man to their will, and change him into what they want, rather than what the man actually is. A good friend of mine- okay, a former girlfriend- was living with a guy and told me the following:

"He's so nice some of the time. About 20% of the time, his real personality comes through and he's sweet and attentive. The rest of the time, though, he drinks too much and is a real bastard. I just wish that the real him would show up more often."

I made the point that if he was a dick most of the time, the odds were pretty high that he was, in fact, a dick. The fact that he was nice some of the time didn't make him a good guy, it made him a pretty good manipulator of someone who didn't look at the relationship through the lens of reality.
[I know what you're thinking, and no, my exceptional bluntness isn't what ended our relationship. In fact, we get along much better now as friends than we did as boyfriend/girlfriend.] The dose of reality helped her recognize that it was time to move on and she's been happily married to a really good guy for the last 4 years.

Vox's advice isn't just for women; men need to pay attention to what's important, too, or they'll end in the retirement community bragging about the year that they bagged 20 chicks, while looking on with resentment when the families of other seniors come to visit.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 11:32 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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