Out of the wayback machine come Bob and Doug Mackenzie:

Bob  Okay, good day, this is our Christmas part of the album, and
 you can play this at your Christmas parties, uh, or to yourself on
 Christmas Eve, if there's nothing else to do.  

Doug  Good day, eh? In case you thought, like, I wasn't on this part!  

Bob  Oh, I guarantee ya, you'd be on. Okay, so, good day, this is the
 Christmas part, and, we're gonna tell you what to get, uh, your true
 love for Christmas.  

Doug  Look out the window!  

Bob  Where?! Whadda ya doing?  

Doug  Snow, hosehead.  

Bob  Wha? Oh, it's the Great White North, and it's snowing, cause it's
 Christmas time. Hey, hoser!  

Doug  What?  

Bob  Here's a quiz. Quiz for Doug.  

Doug  Okay, I have my thinking touque on.  

Bob  Yeah, right. What are the twelve days of Christmas? Cause,
 figure it out, right. Christmas is when?  

Doug  Uh, the 25th.  

Bob  Right, and what's the 24th, Christmas Eve, right? So, that's two.
 And then, what's after that?  

Doug  Um... Uh, Wrestling Day.  

Bob  No. Get out.  

Doug  Boxing Day, yeah, yeah.  

Bob  That's three. Then what's after that? Nothing.  

Doug  New Year's.  

Bob  Four. And what's...  

Doug  New Year's Eve.  

Bob  Five. Where do you get twelve?  

Doug  Uh... There's two Saturdays and Sundays in there, that's four.
 That's nine. And, three other days, which I believe are the mystery
 days.  

 (Music starts.)  

Bob  Okay now. This is our Christmas song, in case you don't know
 what to get somebody for Christmas.  

Doug  There's lots of ideas in here, so, listen, and don't get stuck.  

Bob  Okay.  

Doug  By the way, that's me on the organ.  

Bob  Aw, geez.  

Doug  You start.  

Bob  Okay. On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: a beer.  

Doug  On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: two turtlenecks,  

Bob  And a beer. (Okay...) On the third day of Christmas, my true
 love gave to me: three French toast,  

Doug  Two turtlenecks,  

Bob  And a beer. (Okay...)  

Doug  There should be more there, eh?  

Bob  Where? On the... go.  

Doug  Fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: four pounds
 of backbacon,  

Bob  Three French toast,  

Doug  Two turtlenecks,  

Bob  And a beer.  

Doug  In a tree. See, you need more.  

Bob  Fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: five golden
 touques!  

Doug  Four pounds of backbacon,  

Bob  Three French toast,  

Doug  Two turtlenecks,  

Bob  And a beer, what was it?  

Together  In a tree!  

Bob  Okay, on the sixth... go.  

Doug  Of Christmas, my true love gave to me: six packs of two-four,  

Bob & BG Singers  Five golden touques!  

Doug  Four pounds of backbacon,  

Bob  Three French toast,  

Doug  Two turtlenecks,  

Bob  And a beer,  

Together  In a tree!  

Bob  Okay.  

Doug  Okay.  

Bob  On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
 seven packs of smokes,  

Doug  (Nice gift...) Oh, six packs of two-four! (BG Singers also
 sing "nice gift".)  

Bob & BG Singers  Five golden touques!  

Doug  Four pounds of backbacon,  

Bob  Three French toast,  

Doug  Two turtlenecks,  

Bob  And a beer,  

Together  In a tree!  

Bob  Right, I keep forgetting.  

Doug  Phew! This should just be the two days of Christmas, it's too
 hard for us!  

Bob  Um...  

Doug  Go, hoser.  

Bob  Oh.  

Together  Eigth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:  

Doug  Eight comic books,  

All  Seven packs of smokes, six packs of two-four,  

 (Bob and Doug become unsynchronized with the BG Singers, and quit singing.)  

BG Singers  Five golden touques! Four pounds of backbacon, three
 French toast, two turtlenecks,  

All  And a beer,  

Doug  On my tree!  

Bob  Yeah. That beer's empty. Okay. Day,  

BG Singers  Twelve!  

Bob  Uh, twelve.  

Doug  Good day, and welcome to day twelve.  

BG Singers  Five golden touques!  

All  Four pounds of backbacon, three French toast, two turtlenecks,
 and a beer, in a tree!  

Bob  Beauty, eh?  

Doug  Where'd you learn to do that?  

Bob  Uh, albums.  

Doug  Boy. So, like, that's our song, Merry Christmas...  

Bob  Merry Christmas!  

Doug  And good day!  

Bob  Good day, everybody. Happy New Year, too. Sheesh. Okay,
 you know what you left out?  

Doug  What?  

Bob  Donuts - I told you to get me donuts! Either on the ninth day or
 the tenth day, or the eleventh day, I wanted donuts!  

Doug  Okay, the song's over.  

Bob  But I want...  

Doug  Merry Christmas, everybody!  

Bob  Or on the twelfth day, you coulda got me a dozen donuts.  

Doug  So, go out to the stores, and get some presents.  

Bob  You coulda gone down to, like, the good donut shop, where if
 you buy a dozen, you get another one free, and then thirteen for the
 thirteen days of Christmas.  

Doug  Well, next Christmas, I'll get me a chainsaw...  

Bob  Take off!  

Doug  Boy, that song was a beauty. It moved me...  

Bob  Yeah, I think it ranks up there with Stairway to Heaven...  

Doug  Wha-?  

 (Music fades)

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