January 25, 2008
The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz began in 1940 and tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued "A Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
It's not only the British and French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the! alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniforms and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
January 17, 2008
After having dug to a depth of 20 meters last year, English scientists found traces of copper wire dating back over 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network 200 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the English, in the weeks that followed, Scottish scientists dug to a depth of 30 meters, and shortly after, headlines in the UK newspapers read: 'Scottish archaeologists have found traces of 300 year old copper wire and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the English.'
One week later, The Daily Jigger, an Irish newspaper, reported the following: 'After digging as deep as 40 meters, Paddy McMahon, a self taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing'.
Paddy has therefore concluded that 400 years ago Ireland had already gone wireless.
January 15, 2008
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