May 12, 2006
Narnia, on the other hand, is like the K-Mart discount bin of mythology. Every monster or creature you've ever heard of is incoherently tossed in with the animal kingdom, and now they all talk. I like fantasy as much as the next sixth level cleric, but the bare minimum for me is knowing the author gave his ridiculous shit more thought than I'll have to. Narnia comes off like a shitty Trapper-Keeper drawing by a twelve-year-old who plays Dungeons & Dragons and really likes the zoo. In one scene a pair of badgers have a conversation with Santa Claus, and in another a human on a talking horse does battle with the White Witch of the North while griffins divebomb centaurs, and your heads just spinning from the random senselessness of it.
Let me break this down for Harry Potter fans, since there seem to be a lot of you: it'd be like if someone rewrote the Harry Potter books, and instead of having a clearly defined world populated by a hierarchy of wizards and witches where everything makes consistent sense within the reality of that world, Harry Potter was suddenly teaming up with Merlin, Robin Hood and Zeus to fight the Easter Bunny and a talking elephant that's also Ganesha. I hope your reaction would be "What the fuck?"
May 11, 2006
He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way.Â Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue.Â The nuns stop and comment on how lifelike he looks.Â The first nun cannot resist temptation, suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood.Â Startled, he drops one of the bars of soap. "Oh look" says the first nun, "its a soap dispenser."
To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood.Â Sure enough, he drops the second bar of soap.
The third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice and three times but nothing happens.Â So she gives several more tugs, then yells! "Mary, Mother of God - Hand Lotion too!"
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