When life hands you old posts, well, you know what to do.
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Posted by: Physics Geek at 03:40 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Saw this post from Val and decided to repost last year's stuff. Sue me.
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Posted by: Physics Geek at 03:39 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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A man was walking home alone late one foggy night, when behind him he hears:

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.

FASTER...

FASTER...

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.

However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping

clappity-BUMP...

clappity-BUMP...

clappity-BUMP...

on his heels, the terrified man runs.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping toward him.

The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...

and...
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Posted by: Physics Geek at 02:43 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Harvey posted a quip that I plan to file the serial numbers off of, take across state lines and use as my own:

Coworker: It all depends on whether you see the glass as half-full or half-empty.

Harvey: The glass is chipped and I cut my lip on it.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 12:57 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Via Gerard comes this little SNL clip on YouTube. Truthfully, if the voice were more grating, and the smile a little more I-eat-live-babies chilling, I'd think it was Hillary. Money quote:

"And you, John Edwards, you phony, two-faced, ambulance chasing little rat bastard."
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Posted by: Physics Geek at 12:53 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Where Aren't They Now? over at Cracked offers some post-sitcom career roundups of people who you probably don't remember anyway, except maybe Danica McKellar. I second their comment below:

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Posted by: Physics Geek at 02:23 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I wasn't feeling well, so I went to see my doctor. He told me that I needed to eat better to feel better. He said that I should visualize my foods as colors- red, yellow, green- and that I should eat those colors. So I went home and ate a big plate of M&Ms. Sure enough, I felt much better.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 02:30 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Jay Pinkerton, over at Cracked, runs down which movie version Batman is the baddest of them all. Excerpt:

#5. ADAM WEST - Batman: The Movie (1966)
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Ass-Kicking Ability
BatWest fights like someone having a stroke. To be fair, Batman: The Movie's supposed to be campy. To once again be unfair, it looks like they didn't so much choreograph their fights as just run around flailing their arms like the set just caught on fire:
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#4. GEORGE CLOONEY - Batman & Robin (1997)
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Posse
BatClooney sees no problems whatsoever with suiting Chris O'Donnell and Alicia Silverstone up in benippled costumes and enlisting the idiots in his war on crime, despite the fact that no right-thinking person would trust Chris O'Donnell or Alicia Silverstone to lick stamps without turning purple and asphyxiating themselves.
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#2. MICHAEL KEATON - Batman (1989), Batman Returns (1992)
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Smoothness with the Ladies
For a short guy with no muscles, BatKeaton scores positively epic amounts of ass during his Bat-tenure in Batman and Batman Returns, including Kim Basinger and Michelle Pfeiffer in a catsuit. Must be that impressive wingspan on the cape.

Plus, unlike other Batmen (who refuse to get involved in relationships because it would distract from their war on crime), BatKeaton's all about the pussy: That crime stuff can just chill out for a night, he'll get to it tomorrow. He freely reveals his identity to his girlfriends, romances them with candle-lit meals at Wayne Manor, and then makes them watch him sleep upside-down after he's bedded them. That's a little creepy, admittedly, but one could argue that after you've managed to bed '80s-era Kim Basinger, you can pretty much go ahead and do any goddamn thing you'd like.

The rest, gentle readers, I leave for your perusal.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 11:07 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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It's Talk Like a Pirate Day. Again. It always seems to sneak up on me; I guess it's down to the Locker with me.

Update: Received via email from a friend:

Top Ten Pickup lines for use on International Talk Like a Pirate Day

(We came up with these in an effort to interest The Other Dave (Letterman) in TLAPD. His staff liked 'em, but alas, his show was"dark" the week of Sept. 19.)

10 . Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?

9. Have ya ever met a man with a real yardarm?

8. Come on up and see me urchins.

7. Yes, that is a hornpipe in my pocket and I am happy to see you.

6. I'd love to drop anchor in your lagoon.

5. Pardon me, but would ya mind if fired me cannon through your porthole?

4. How'd you like to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?

3. Ya know, darlinÂ’, IÂ’m 97 percent chum free.

2. Well blow me down?

And the number one pickup line for use on International Talk Like a Pirate Day is Â…

1. Prepare to be boarded.

Arrggghh, as it were.

Update: Well, the result of this pirate name generator kind of sucks:

You've recently acquired a peg leg, eye patch, hook and parrot, but now you need that perfect pirate name. Enter your current name and be redubbed:

Old name: physics geek

We'll now call ye:

Androgynous Bernard Smithe

Posted by: Physics Geek at 09:20 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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1 When I enter my nickname (wheels), I get "Barnacle Breath Brett." When I enter my real first name, I get "Jumpin' Hidalgo Dagger." I think I like that one. My own post noting the day is more concerned with pirate songs.

Posted by: wheels at September 19, 2007 10:37 PM (n6GBr)

2 That's why my blogging handle is so appropriate. I don't need to use the pirate name generator. Yo Ho! Drink up, me hearties!

Posted by: Cargosquid at September 25, 2007 07:14 AM (DW5ZQ)

3 My real first & middle name earns me the name "Pirate Beth the Pink". Now, do pirates usually refer to themselves as Pirate Such and Such? My first & last name is somewhat better... Doormat Lucy Jones!

Posted by: brandy at September 26, 2007 10:45 AM (FkQk4)

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I didn't make the list.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 12:15 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Via VW Bug comes this quiz, which gave me the following result:

My heart is still pretty strong, so it's gonna take some serious getting my freak on to kill me. Either that or some seriously advanced age.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 11:56 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Harvey, in an alternate reality, has Bush practice diplomacy the way it should be practiced.

In a Tehran news conference, Iran's President scoffed at the threat of military action against his regime, saying that "even if they were to decide to do so, they would be unable to carry it out."

Bush responded calmly to the defiance. "I suppose Amedinejad - or 'Amy' as I like to call him - is right. Americans certainly don't seem to have the cojones for a decent war these days. That's why I intend to start with diplomatic pressure. Specifically, economic sanctions. More specifically, a declaration of economic sanctions duct-taped to a 10-megaton warhead."

I giggle every time that I read it. Go check it out.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 09:31 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a week-end gambling trip to Louisiana.

The Brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the Blonde team rode on the top level. The Brunette team down below really whooped it up, having a great time, when one of them realized she hadn't heard anything from the Blondes upstairs.

She decided to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reached the top, she found all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles. The brunette asked, "What the heck's going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!"

One of the Blondes looked up at her, swallowed hard and whispered... "Yeah, but you've got a driver."

Posted by: Physics Geek at 02:57 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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But still a goody. I give you Icon Wars!

Posted by: Physics Geek at 11:33 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Received via email:
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I am selling one of my Barry Bonds rookie cards to the highest bidder that I bought in 1986. I for one do not believe that Barry took steroids at any point in his career and believe he will be in the Hall of Fame someday. A copy of the card is below the fold.

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Posted by: Physics Geek at 09:45 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I won't be advertising on the O'Reilly Factor either.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 03:26 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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A lot of truth exists within the boundaries of the cartoon posted below:

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Posted by: Physics Geek at 01:45 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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TICK WARNING

It makes me a nuts when people forward bogus warnings, and I've even done it myself a couple times, but this one is important. So please send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list.

If someone from the National Center for Tick Control comes to your front door saying they are checking for ticks due to the warming weather and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around with your arms up...

DO NOT DO IT!! IT IS A SCAM!!

They only want to see you naked...

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Posted by: Physics Geek at 12:40 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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If you go to a scifi con, or a gaming con, or any sort of RPG/fantasy/dorkwad con, be on the lookout for a woman wearing the T-shirt shown below. Trust me: it's quite possibly the only time in your life that you will ever, ever have sex.

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Posted by: Physics Geek at 01:41 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Here are some gas prices that should look familiar:

Posted by: Physics Geek at 06:44 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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