Found via Neal Boortz:

Update: I see that Ace liked the picture, too.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 09:53 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE ! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch: you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor
the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord. The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework. "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

Posted by: Physics Geek at 09:18 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I first saw this on rec.humor eons ago. Not exactly sure what made me think of it, but I couldn't resist posting it.

By the way, don't take too seriously the "it's real" part.

Tandem Writing Assignment

The following is a true story received from an English professor.

You know that book "Men are from Mars, Women from Venus"? Well, here's a prime example of that. This assignment was actually turned in by two of my English students: Rebecca (last name deleted) and Gary (last name deleted).

First, the Assignment:

English 44A
SMU
Creative Writing
Prof. Miller

In-Class Assignment for Wednesday:
Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth.

Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.

And now, the Assignment as submitted by Rebecca & Gary:

Rebecca starts:

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The camomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So camomile was out of the question.

Gary:

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far...". But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

Rebecca:

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel." Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth -- when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

Gary:

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

Rebecca:

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.

Gary:

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.

Rebecca:

Asshole.

Gary:

Bitch.

My guess is that they have 5 children now.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 12:34 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Want to know what the 50 greatest cartoons of all-time are? And more importantly, do you want to watch them? Then go here to see them all, as ranked by the animation industry.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 08:26 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I noticed that Jonah had posted some circumcision poems and thought that I'd get into the act with one of my own:

There was a Rabbi named Keith

Who circumcised young men with his teeth.

It wasn't for pleasure,

or want of some treasure,

but to get at the cheese underneath.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 01:01 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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The world's most avid baseball fan, a blonde, had arrived early at the stadium for the first game of the World Series only to realize that she had left her ticket at home. Not wanting to miss any of the first inning, she went ot the ticket booth and got in a long line for another seat. After an hour's wait she was just a few feet from the booth when a voice called out, "Hey, Linda!"

She looked up, stepped out of line and tried to find the owner of the voice, with no success.

The she realized she had lost her place in the line and had to go back to the end of the line and wait all over again.

After she had purchased her ticket, she was thirsty, so she went to buy a drink. The line at the concession stand was also very long. but since the game hadn't started, she decided to wait. Just as she got to the window, a voice called out, "Hey, Linda!"

Again she tried to find the voice and got out of line as she wandered around looking for the owner of the voice. But no luck.

She was very upset as she got back into line for drink.

Finally, she had her drink and took her seat, eager for the game to begin. As she waited for the first pitch, she heard the voice calling, "Hey, Linda!" once more.

Furious, she stood up and yelled at the top of her lungs,

"My name isn't Linda!"

Posted by: Physics Geek at 02:38 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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In the extended entry you will find a picture that truly encapsulates the emotions that some of us feel going into Thanksgiving:

more...

Posted by: Physics Geek at 04:13 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I'm feeling lazy today. Here's some more recycled humor for you:

Women's Prayer:

Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man,
who's not a creep. One who's handsome, smart
and strong, one who loves to listen long. One who
thinks before he speaks, when he says he'll call,
he won't wait weeks. I pray that he is gainfully
employed, when I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door, massages my
back and begs to do more. Oh, send me a man who'll
make love to my mind, knows what to answer to "how
big is my behind?" I pray that this man will love me to
no end, and never attempt to hit on my friends.

Amen.

Man's Prayer:

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store.

Amen

Posted by: Physics Geek at 03:38 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers.

Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!

Doctor: I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!

Pastor: Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him.
[dramatic pause] Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're
rather slow, aren't they?

George: Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.

The group was silent for a moment.

Pastor: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.

Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.

Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?

Posted by: Physics Geek at 11:54 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Funny, but I don't remember this particular version airing when I was a child.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 10:45 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Posted by: Physics Geek at 08:09 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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You don't have to own a cat to appreciate this one...

A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening.

They turned on a night light, turned on the phone answering machine, covered their pet parakeet and put the cat out in the backyard.

They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi.

The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house. But as they were leaving, the cat they had put out into the yard scoots past the husband and back into the house.

The couple didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the parakeet and generally gets into too much mischief. The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes back inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit.

Waiting in the cab, the wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty for the night. She explains to the driver that her husband will be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother," she explains casually.

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab.

"Sorry I took so long", he says as they drive away. "The stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her with a broom stick to get her to come out! Then she tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck and I even had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me! Boy, you'd think at her age, she wouldn't have that much fight left in her. But it worked. I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"

The cabdriver hit a parked car...

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Cat listening to Techno(on Ecstasy)

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Cat listening to GANGSTA RAP

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Cat listening to Stevie Wonder

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Cat listening to Metal

Posted by: Physics Geek at 09:43 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Cat listening to Hip Hop

Posted by: Physics Geek at 09:41 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Cat listening to HOUSE music

Posted by: Physics Geek at 09:40 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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