October 28, 2008
October 27, 2008
A man was walking home alone late one foggy night, when behind him he hears:
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping
on his heels, the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...
October 22, 2008
"But I promise you, if one of these inevitable nuclear attacks is, God forbid, successful, Barack Obama and I will conduct tough and open negotiations with our new overlords," said Biden. "Ol' Joe Biden learned how to negotiate at his dad's used car lot in Scranton PA, and if these overlords think they can swing some sort of lowball occupation deal, I'll just tell them 'I gotta go get my manager,' and then... boo-yeah! In comes Barack Obama to upsell them undercoating and extra exercise yard privileges for you and me."
After rubbing tapioca into his armpits and singing what appeared to be the Numa-Numa song, Biden mounted a Segway and crashed through a side door.
A spokesman for the Obama-Biden campaign later clarified the Senator's remarks, and urged reporters "not to take Senator Biden's words out of context."
When asked what context that was, the spokesman explained that "the Senator has massive brain damage."
October 20, 2008
How to handle political conflicts.
October 16, 2008
October 06, 2008
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will
have $49.00 today. If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have $33.00 today. If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you will have $0.00 today. But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you will have received $214.00. Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle.
It is called the 401-Keg.
A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon!
Makes you proud to be an American!
October 02, 2008
September 25, 2008
DAVE BURGE, IOWAHAWK
Linda, we both know that credit is the lifeblood of the American economy. But today millions of Americans like myself are saddled with enormous adjustable rate mortgage debt which we can no longer pay, through no fault of our own. We were suckered in by deceptive easy-money advertising come-ons, confusing refinance deals, and free igloo coolers. And now, with a slowdown in the blog economy, some of us can barely make the payments on our quad-runners, let alone a crushing $1.2 million debt on a house that our appraiser says is worth $40,000 in scrap lumber, tops. America's economic future depends on us having the peace of mind to know our homes and 56" 1080 HD big screens won't be yanked from under us. That's why I oppose the proposed bailouts being discussed in Congress. Instead of paying trillions to Wall Street insiders and corporate fatcats, shouldn't Congress be targeting those trillions directly to needy Americans like me?
September 18, 2008
September 04, 2008
August 18, 2008
I'm a Chevrolet Corvette!
You're a classic - powerful, athletic, and competitive. You're all about winning the race and getting the job done. While you have a practical everyday side, you get wild when anyone pushes your pedal. You hate to lose, but you hardly ever do.
Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.
August 13, 2008
August 11, 2008
August 04, 2008
July 31, 2008
July 30, 2008
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