October 01, 2008

Tomorrow night's debate

I posted this in the comments over at Wachel's site, but I, being a narcissistic asshole, decided to post it here as well.

Ifill: Good evening, America. Tonight is the Vice Presidential debate between the charismatic, experienced, intelligent Senator, Mr. Everyman himself, Joe Biden, and his slow-witted opponent, the former mayor of Wasilla. Now let’s begin

Question #1: Senator Biden-can I call you Joe?-, please tell us about how much you love your family and how it pains you to have to leave them for hours every day, riding Amtrak in to DC to do work on behalf of the American people.

Joe Biden: Snakes! Get ‘em off me!

Iffil: Thank you, Joe. Now, former mayor Palin, please explain to everyone why a bubble-headed former beauty pageant runner-up like yourself should even be included in this debate? Please, no mention of “I was asked to be on the ticket” because you’ll only embarrass yourself.

Gov. Palin: Gwen, I’d first like to say that maybe someone should help Senator Biden.

::Biden beating his head on the podium::

And next, I’d like to–

Ifill: Time’s up. Onto the next question.

Gov. Palin: I thought that I’d be allowed to respond?

Ifill: HAHAHAHAHA! You thought?! You’re killing me! HAHAHA! ::sniffs, wipes away tears:: Anyway, Senator Biden, please tell us why you graciously allowed to share the stage with this killer of polar bears.

Biden: ::whipping out his junk and shaking it at the camera:: Look! I can go pee-pee like a big boy now.

::proceeds to urinate on stage::

Gov. Palin: Ms. Ifill, isn’t this a bit inappropriate?

Ifill: No one cares about your prudish, Puritanical ideas. Now go back to blaming rape victims, or raping them yourself, or whatever you do when your husband isn’t incestuously breeding with your gap-toothed offspring.

::another 45-50 minutes or so of this::

Ifill: Now, one final questions for our next Vice President and the stupid bimbo who shares the stage with him. Please tell us, in your own words, why you would make a good Vice President. Sarah, go first.

Gov. Palin: Gwen, I’d first like to point out that I’m really worried about Senator Biden.

::points at Biden, who has just set his hair on fire ::

And I’d like to say that as your Vice President I will-

Ifill: HAHAHAHA! You actually think you can win?! Bitch please! Oh my, but that’s funny. Senator Biden, I’ll give you the last word.

Biden: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! ::running naked around the stage::

Ifill: Thank you, Senator Biden. And thank you, America.

Post-debate reviews
Chris Matthews: I think that Senator Biden really touched a chord deep within the American people tonight, showing that he was really one of us. Sarah showed that, pretty as she is, she really isn’t ready for primetime. Keith?

Keith Olbermann: I’d just like to say that I touched myself when Biden ran naked around the stage. And I know that everyone in America was doing the same. Let’s just call off the election right now.


Ahh well, it should be an interesting spectacle. It reminds of this old joke about who gets to leave in the lifeboats. The first man is asked how many Titanic passengers survived. The second is asked how many drowned. The third is asked to name them. I kind of think that that is how the debate will go.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 12:11 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 568 words, total size 4 kb.

1 Cracked me up, that. Nicely done.

Posted by: Jim - PRS at October 02, 2008 04:07 AM (qYPki)

2 Look! I can go pee-pee like a big boy now. I've been laughing about this since yesterday...

Posted by: John in May-retta at October 02, 2008 02:01 PM (M2fzX)

3 The sad thing is that it isn't far from the truth. Not the peeing on stage thing, but the fact that no one would notice.

Posted by: physics geek at October 02, 2008 02:20 PM (MT22W)

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